That is not what I expected (33 Photos)

  • Inigo Montoya

    #4 is what i'll say when my kid is old enough

    • keltic25

      Speaking of old, how many times is the Chive going to post this?

  • echogeo

    I needed the laughs. Thanks Chive.

  • echogeo

    "Get away from my 'roid cookies!"

  • organix85

    #10 Friends are like snowflakes… pee on them and they disappear…

    • MylesofStyles

      If only it were so easy with my friends.

      • Hot

        So you're telling me the reason I don't have friends is cause it never snows here? I always just thought it was cause I'm a huge douche.

  • rick ross

    #27 why. why is he still making movies at 70, look at chuck norris and take notes

    • SmokeyTheBear

      Chuck Norris was in the Expendables in 2012…it was a sad day for America.

      • spiff

        chuck norris can strangle you with a cordless phone

        • yup

          Chuck norris hurts legos when steps on them

    • its_forge

      Stallone is in much better shape than Norris.

      • Mikey D

        Norris doesn't use steroids and actually knows how to fight

  • lucid_eye

    #24 this guy needs to go to macs house

  • SmokeyTheBear

    #23 Is fucking awesome. I want one!!

    • Inigo Montoya

      the shark just go to toys r us. The fish, any petsmart, the cat, just go out back and catch the first furry creature.

      • SmokeyTheBear

        🙂 My cats will be mind fucked shortly. Thanks bud.

      • open minded

        I killed your father…

    • blue_bronco

      Laughed out loud

    • svp
      • Your Pimp

        That's where you get the remote shark and lotsa other cool stuff.

    • Frank M

      that was one ending that I did not friggin' expect.

  • Austinite

    #27 happens everytime someone tries to take the last slice of pizza away from me.

    • @julesmarie310

      You and I both my friend. Pizza is a valuable commodity.

  • MrJames Bonds

    Love this…

  • Eggnog365

    #23 that cat got outta there like a bat outta hell

    • jshiver15

      A more appropriate analogy would be "like a cat being chased by a flying shark".

  • jmonster

    #32 = Cock Block


      Find her!

  • jshiver15


    Cyanide and Happiness FTW!

  • rooster

    Somebody watching that webcam just lost an erection…..

    • waltgator

      haha yes! bummer

    • KyleGamgee

      Someone didn't. Not even a little bit. They felt very strange about it and never told anyone.

      • Jen

        do you have a secret you'd like to share with us, Kyle?

  • Rusty Shackleford

    #24 I laughed way more than I should have

  • EastTN~RT


  • Laidbackmanner

    Too Funny – I needed that!


    GO PATS!!!

    • Other pats fan

      Go pats!

  • K-1

    #1: cute
    #10: hahah well played…
    #27: EPIC!

  • Bri Guy

    This was the best one these for sho

  • AnItalianChiver

    #19 Ryan Higa.. One of the best youtubers around as well as RWJ
    #32 Boner Killer

  • dan
  • Matt C

    Pine Sex is so … knotty …

    • Matt C

      It's many-splintered thing…

      • NotRodneyDangerfield

        The tree's name is "Big Woody"…

        • NotRodneyDangerfield

          She got all spruced up before her date… and by her date.

          • NotRodneyDangerfield

            She really likes pine nuts…

            • NotRodneyDangerfield

              Can't think of another joke… I'm stumped.

  • Matt C

    #3: Pine Sex is so … knotty …

  • Rdn

    #12 Reason our society is so fucked up!

    • Sara Chasm

      Yes. That is the reason.

  • @julesmarie310

    this post made me laugh after a shitty, rainy, long day at work. thanks chive 🙂

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