Daily Morning Awesomeness (35 Photos)

  • BrandieBear

    i should really be asleep right now but DMA is better

  • ChestRockwellz


  • Rusty Shackleford

    #32 Cheap fucking twat-waffle

    • Everclear

      Only catholic boys know what it's like to literally have religion shoved down your throat.

    • tinnytin

      twat-waffle is totally going into my quicklist of insults

    • NDChiver

      Right? I mean, even if your an atheist, you've gotta agree…this is just a cheap over exaggerated flip out fueled by daddy issues pushing a religion on ya that you don't agree with. Chill pill maybe?

      • Defrosty

        Actually no, I do not agree with that. Luckily, being Dutch, I would never be subject to such a condescending bullshit greeting.

        Also, if I started greeting people with "Good morning, there is no god!" I'm pretty sure everyone would start losing their fucking shit.

        • Thaw

          How does it feel when you look in the mirror and staring back is a massive tool?

          You twat waffle.

        • Asshat

          "Goodmorning there is no god" is on the same page as "have a blessed day"? Fucking douche-waffle.

          I prefer the insult Douche-waffle to twat-waffle personally.

          • Underbaker

            Tips should be made by on the performance of the server, not their beliefs. I am a christian and have tipped well to satanists and atheists because they served me well. But since they made it a point to let people know their beliefs I also made it a point to not offend them and offered safe well wishes for a fine day rather then an off the wall blessed day or God bless. So if this person made it known they were Atheist then I side with him on being upset at the Blessed day comment, on the other hand if he was a closet Atheist and the server hadn't a clue that this would upset him, then total douche/twat-waffle.

            • Rhomboid

              I always tip my waiter who moonlights as a Klansman well.

              Not really.

        • Paul

          Luckily Dutch? Now that is hilarious.

    • NEALZ!

      Yeah, fuck this twat-waffle!

      • TwastsTheRealMeaning

        Fuck this twat-waffle with a douche nozzle! (I have now replaced my old standard insult of "D.N." with this wonderful new "twat-waffle".) My only question: Is the use of the word 'twat' here in the British vernacular; or is this insult being flung by an American? I'm dying to know – as it truly shifts the meaning dramatically – but its a great insult nonetheless.

        • Rusty Shackleford

          Flung by an American… doing a fake British accent

        • Rugme

          I still remember a picture I saw here that helped me generate the insult "Sphincter Weasel", and I am still grateful

          • tralfaz

            Twat-waffle and sphincter weasel would also be great band names.

            • Alumni72

              Totally OT, but my go-to band name was always 'Spastic Colon'.

        • Emmylou

          Americans pronounce it wrong though… in American they pronounce it "TW-OT", whereas in the uk it's "TW-AT".

    • ilbrutto

      Fake. Made up in response to the pastor one and posted on reddits atheism section by a troll.

      • Truth Hurts

        All these receipts are fake as hell. Move on.

        /s/ Jules

    • ScroogeMcDuck

      Put an extra 1 and 0 in front the 0. Make 2 into 3. Fucking twat-waffle!

    • Boomer Sooner

      I gotta say I agree with the guy though. Also people saying "bless you" just because I sneezed. It's a normal bodily function, and does not require involving your magic bearded man in the sky, or Lord Zenu, or Muhammad, or Zeus.

      • Ballsy Llama

        It's mostly people just being polite. If you get angry with people just being nice, because it hints at religion, that is on you. Just take the pleasantry and move on.

      • Prometheus

        You realise, this usage of bless you originates in the belief that when you sneezed you were expelling demons from your body/self-exorcising. Some also interpreted it as your heart stopping.

        All around, it is simply a dated expression that has been adopted by secular society, and no one needs your atheist butthurt shit. No one is shoving religion down your throat, people are just trying to be polite.

        • A BiPolar Guy

          Indeed other common expressions like goodbye also have religious roots. So do most names of days and some months. Going to flip out about that too? Going to refuse cash because it says in god we trust? I'll take all you unwanted Money!. The list goes on, and none of them qualify a shoving religion down your throat.

          • Underbaker

            My favorite is changing BC and AD to BCE and CE but using the same transition date, Christ's crucifixion. Silly scientists will be silly.

            • Paws

              The same, yes… but neither is referenced to Christ's crucifixion.

      • Draco

        I mean honestly, religion has shaped our existence for milennia. Most of the customs and expressions you use yourself have religious origin, however, most people are just being polite, unless saying excuse me when you bump into someone is now a rude tradition… most don't know where it came from they are just saying it to be nice. Kinda hard to be forcing religion down your throat when they hadn't even realized it was religion to begin with.

    • Pants

      Yes, being expected to subsidize your shitty paycheck makes ME the bad person >.> Mr. Pink was right about you guys.

    • Naked scientist

      Is no one else wondering what kind of meal this greasy mud dragon spent that kind of dough on? Wouldn't it be ironic if it were blessed by a priest?

  • chiver425

    #34 is doing it right

    • kenny

      Plastic surgery and a personal trainer. That is all.

      • *dash*

        still would

      • Guest

        Who gives a shit…that is all.

    • yam

      Of course we all "still would" too bad she still wouldn't.

    • GILF Hunter

      looking great still ….

    • Craig K.

      It's a shame that her daughter got her looks from Billy.

  • mammoth

    #3 Meanwhile in Africa…

  • maboze1x

    #34 Nooooo! 59?! 😮

    • Ball Dand

      yes, in ten, she;ll be 69! bald and bleached.

  • 4stacks

    Kcco bishkek, tatto girl is the best

  • Finn

    #34 Every time I see her, I can't help but think of the scene in National Lampoon's Vacation. Does anyone have a turkey sand which????

    • shirt nonsense

      THAT'S the scene you go to?!?? really…..you know how i know youre gay, right? sorry Finn

  • bud

    #21 is great. I was wondering what caused it. Still probably an inside job.

    • ATL Chiver

      I agree #21 wins the internet this morning.

    • Dr_StrangePants

      Everone at the party i went to suspects Beyonce's special effects blew a fuse

    • Cerb

      Luckily, the chances of something like that actually interrupting play is ~0% with the amount commercials you cram into the game.

    • Scuba_Steve33

      I blame George Bush

  • LeO

    #22 really? he was in the Doritos commercial!

    • yoyo

      His mask looks like Goatse

      It ruined the movie for me

      • JSJ

        I coulda done without the voice, at times he sounded like a high pitched whiny kid.

  • Jeb

    #9 OWNED!

    • Jay

      Would have been funnier if the bull threw his ass twenty feet into the air.

  • A2_tha_MFK

    #32 Finally some one using Atheism to ripe someone off!

    Atheism 1, Religion 9,999,999,999,999,999.

    • You're Dumb

      …..really? That is your statement? Go away.

      • A2_tha_MFK

        ….really? That is all you have? Get Fucked!

      • A2_tha_MFK


    • CMS

      Yeah, they can ripe people off all they want.

    • WyzardSTi


      • A2_tha_MFK


  • maboze1x

    #14 Nice FLBP! 🙂

    • Hammer

      Poor decision making, lack of impulse control, emotional instability, low self esteem, borderline personality disorder. Nice tats, though.

      • Sean

        She is beautiful now and the same is probably true before the tattoos. I love girls with tattoos, but sadly, it generally points to insecurity and low self esteem 😦

  • Roy

    #34 still would

  • Chris

    #17 looks like a total penis… hope she slapped him real good

    • Gallus

      Hell, I hope she broke the fool's jaw!

  • Jean K. Jean

    #32 I'm not religious but wow, what a dick move.

    • Smitty

      So is evangelizing to paying customers after they have sat down and ordered.

    • Chris

      I'm more curious about what kind of place just labels a meal as "adult – dinner" and it's ~$150. Seems odd.

      Still, jerk move.

      • Tim

        Confirmed fake.

  • Wittry

    I'd be lying if I said Beyonce wasn't hot and didn't give me a boner during that halftime show.

  • tkk


    What a crappy thing to write. At least he or she took the time to wish this person well. I'm not a very religious person, but seriously, that was totally uncalled for. Any act of kindness, religious or otherwise, should be appreciated or at least taken with courtesy.

    • 6655321

      You're totally right seeing as how the only information is on this receipt and we know nothing about these people's actual transaction. Judging things and people before actually knowing what happened is always the way to go.

      • bizarrogreg

        So instead of going off of the information that we have available, we should just disregard it and be a bunch of cynical douchebags?

        Cool story bro.

        • http://twitter.com/beagleracing @beagleracing

          not douchebags. twatwaffles. pay attention.

          • bizarrogreg

            Well played sir

  • navydudenamedjoe

    #29 the more I watched this the more I realized how bad he just broke his arm

    • Alumni72

      Right? I was thinking the same thing – damn, I hope he let go right after the video ended, but it was probably already too late.

      • ick

        It looks like he wrapped his grip, he can't let go. We had a guy on our team (gymnastics) that broke both bones in his forearm when his grip wrapped. Had to cut him down to get him off.

        • obvious answer

          cut the bar or the arm? 😮

  • martiniman425

    32, keep doin it. maybe the cuntrag should have said have a wonderful day. and no matrer what, the customer is always right.

    • navydudenamedjoe

      Its people like you….

      • martiniman425

        its people like me what…

    • jerry busey

      that give atheists a bad name

    • bigdog

      you're an idiot.

  • Mr Ryeno

    #20 Thanks for ruining everything I've ever loved.

    • http://twitter.com/EliasAlgorithm @EliasAlgorithm

      Sad part? I am wearing those Batman pjs right now. And I have some Superman ones just like 'em.

      • Prick

        No! The sad part is you are still calling them "PJs"…..twat-waffle!

  • The Count



  • Trav1121

    #16 would quickly become #18 at my house. You're outta here!

    • MonkeyMadness

      Obviously dog turds are kid magnets.

  • Ben

    #22 Me too…

  • bob

    #23 doesn't twitter allow punctuation?

    • Curtis

      Just as much as TheChive allows capitalization.

    • Inspector Gadget

      Yep. Looks like he has a period at the end to me.

    • MikeInPP

      You had one job, Super Bowl lights.

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