Please, just let me help you (33 Photos)

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  • nope.

    #1 taylor swift is an angel. you be nice.

    • Daniel Tosh

      Taylor Swift is a slut. That bitch is not in middle school anymore to be having crushes every week on a different guy

      • nope.

        hey, you're gay.

        • Jawbone

          Good one. Now out down the tablet before mommy sees you playing instead of doing your homework.

    • Tbert

      That girl can go through some guys.

      • Jawbone

        Very appropriate, the dirty knees in the picture.

    • Murph1908

      On Justified last week, it was said that if you meet an asshole in the morning, you've met an asshole. If you meet assholes all day, maybe you are the asshole.

      Taylor sings about all the assholes she's dated….

    • LouSanus

      I heard she left Harry because he has an ant eater.

      • Jack Wagon

        All the guys that she has written a song about probably smile every time their song is on the radio as they tell their buddy "yup, I fucked her" I sure as fuck would hahaha

    • techno_viking

      If by angel, you mean succubus, then I agree.

    • adam

      100% slut, shes seen more pole then most strippers!

  • Sport Royal

    #1 That's HILARIOUS.

  • ajr

    #2 …. Probably not an english teacher…

  • LeO

    #22
    Wow. Great team work 🙂

    • Irish-Man

      Still would.

    • Girl Michael

      FIND! she's probably legal now!

  • SoloUnCristobal

    #2 You're*

    • Jawbone

      Really? Thanks for pointing that out. I'm positive that the person who made the sign read your clever response and is gnashing their teeth in distress at being out in their place.

      • LeO

        Lol Fuck lmao

  • notRacist

    #13 made me laugh way too hard…

  • Johnnychingas

    #1 Should say "How to be a Dirty HoBag…Taylor Swift Tells you how."

  • Eff

    #15 is true! As a parent, you ARE your child's best teacher. Especially if your poor kid is in class with the grarmmarian who wrote that assignment.

    • thom

      I got to think that is faked.

    • Lboogie13

      I wish it were fake. There are lots of bad teachers in the school system. My kids are screwed.

    • Eff

      Why? I'm not criticizing typos.

    • Mike

      Typos are accidents people didn't catch, not a true sign of intelligence, or lack thereof. Misusing "your" and "you're", singular vs plural mistakes, and writing the assignment some sort of paragraph/numbered list hybrid which is sent home to parents and appears to the product of or at least approved by MULTIPLE teachers there's some cause for concern. If I had a kid in that school I'd look into getting them out asap.

      • http://jasonreiss.wordpress.com jasonreiss

        if any of you actually believe that letter is real, I've got a bridge up for sale this week. I could use a buyer, it's tax time after all.

        it's obvious to me that sarcasm is an underappreciated sentiment here in Chive comments.

        • ZachBob

          I could use a bridge. How much do you want for it?

    • angryirishman

      As a teacher, I find that letter insulting to the rest of us. Asshole idiots

    • yoyo

      I can't believe people are just focusing on the "you're" mistake. By my count there are 11 serious errors on this paper. This entire assignment looks like it was written by a 10 year old.

    • HQT

      I've had papers sent home from all three of my kids' teachers that were almost this bad. I don't doubt the authenticity of this one at all.

    • MacMan34

      Is it the spelling and grammar we are worried about here? Is this 'assignment' not really just asking the child to create an invitation for a criminal visit, complete with an address and a drawing of the home….

  • Tillman61

    #10 Jeezus, thank you! Whoever did this is married or lives with a woman.
    I know men aren't perfect, but pardon us all to hell for not being psychic.

    • Married man

      Psychic, or even aware of our surroundings… How are we supposed to know our clothes go in the hamper every time?! Get of my case!

      • Jen

        this is why being a single female is awesome.

        -forever alone.

    • lfgd1978

      That's the price you pay to get regular access to the pussy (granted, the access might be less and less over time)

      • Just went there.

        The pussy ain't some sort of one-of-a-kind treasure from goddamned Middle Earth, 1978. Half the world's got 'em.

        • lfgd1978

          hahahaha true but still it's hard to get some on a regular basis, even guys with lots of game go through dry spells. That's why some of us with less game get married….. and love or whatever

          • Rebecca

            On the contrary, I'm a woman and I have a hard time getting my boyfriend to initiate sex. And I want it more often than him. And he's for sure not gay hahaha
            It's more common than you think!!

            • lfgd1978

              That's a damn shame……… Why god? why can't you send me a girl like Rebecca?

    • Lukeatmacok

      twat waffle!

    • FoolOfATook

      I have been looking for this my entire married life. And the Middle Earth comment made me laugh far too long.

    • Alex

      Trust me, I'm a lesbian, and this STILL happens. I just showed this to my gf to shame her.

  • MattKL

    #33 Never give up.

    • yoselahonda

      …Never surrender!

  • CD3

    #6 GTFO

  • guest

    #29 is a screengrab from an Onion video. Don't worry, Iran state media makes the same mistake all the time…

    • Anomanom

      It's obviously fake anyway. There's no such thing as a "former" pedophile.

  • Chaosd

    #15 Public education is a complete joke.

    • 21JumpSt.

      State College! State College! State College!!

    • Always Learneding

      I beg to differ. I would suggest that some public educators are a complete joke. There are a few jems in every field.

      • yoyo

        jems? Well it certainly doesn't seem like you had any of those "jem" teachers

        • Gimletmike

          What's wrong with Jem? Jem's a good friend of mine. Only his mother calls him James to the rest of us he's just Jem.

    • ThisMan

      How do you know this didn't come from a private school?

  • TheVanityScore

    #7 is sad but hilarious

    • MissVega84

      poor granpa 😥

    • user

      Always thought the Postal Service was shit.

  • Nate S

    nothing wrong with #28 in my book

    • TheBAMFinater

      Just may need some help warming back up. You know skin-to-skin contact is the best way. Just sayin.

    • Gallus

      Don't let the girl supper hypothermia. Let her stay out just long enough for her nipples to get nice and hard, then start the warming process. – Do you get the impression this pic really appeals to me? 🙂

      • MonkeyMadness

        supper? I'm sure you meant 'suffer' but the P key is nowhere near the F.

        • 6655321

          Don't be a pucker.

          • Really have to poo

            You know what he meant, grawwer nazi.

  • savagecabbage

    #7 Ahhhahahahahahahahahaha. Poor old guy

  • Yip

    #32, yes, I do have an urge to clean that off for her!

    • LeO

      Any GIF action on this?

  • Ponderous

    I would love to read #1for the lulz

  • http://theChive.com YEMX

    #31 In concert they did say where's my asian Friend.

    • http://twitter.com/cougar78 @cougar78

      Yes, I have their concert cd they put out in the late 90's with him asking "Where's my asian friend?"

    • MylesofStyles

      I have bore witness to this and may therefor verify its validity.

      • No one cares

        Shut up

        • MylesofStyles

          Don't tell me to shut up, YOU shut up. How do you like them apples?

  • CASURFRGRL

    I was going to comment on the huge FAIL of some of today's educators #15
    But then I saw #22 and 😕😧
    Please tell me that is NOT her mother!! WROOOOONG!!!

    • IDJAY

      Oh dear god you may be right……next mother daughter porn team in the making?

  • AnItalianChiver

    #1 and how to break up with him

    • amber t.

      Ha ha right

    • sfb101

      And how to write a song about it too!

  • sfb101

    #12 Would totally screw me up. Even before a few drinks.

    • McFappinit

      this is from McGuire's Pub in Destin, Fl. I have been there several times, and I ALWAYS have to hesitate to make sure I choose right.

      • jess

        Also 1 in Pensacola. My goal is to try all of the many delicious burgers they make

    • anditisLiz

      This one is a total mind fuck! I would hate to be drunk here lol

    • Wrong way

      I've been burned by that sign too. Funny story that I still tell today, almost 15 years later. When I got back my buddies told me a lady told her boyfriend she couldn't go to the bathroom because a guy was in there peeing! Laughed our asses off!

    • Local

      I live over in destin and anytime we have visitors we just wait for them to fuck it up. And the bar makes all their drinks with an extra half shot., so people get trashed.

  • TheBAMFinater

    #15 you should correct the paper and return it with a frowny face.

  • MylesofStyles

    #3 Because nothing says, "I'm wealthy, but classy" like your facial hair in the shape of a dollar sign.

    • Hrdwood

      unless it's your pubic hair shaved in the shape of a Mercedes logo…

      • MylesofStyles

        Honestly? That's just wrong dude. If it isn't the graceful circles of Audi finely manicured in the nether region, then the only other option is full on Kojak.

        • Hrdwood

          Well then I'm off to buy a razor and a lollipop… who loves ya' baby?

  • von Mises

    #15 Anyone have any doubts as to why we keep falling behind nation after nation in every metric? Any doubt as to why we have to import math and science talent? Schools are little more than liberal indoctrination centers where they teach the wonders of fisting and abortion while graduating students who have never heard of Friedman, Hayek, Locke, von Mises, etc.

    • Brilliant

      U mad, Bro?

      • von Mises

        Nope, I am ready for both the coming economic collapse and collapse of the US dollar brought forth by the person you likely voted for. How about you? I hope so. Most of you think that enough hopium will cure all ills, but it won't. Schadenfreude. Learn it, because I will be experiencing it through all you indoctrinated Obama voters.

        It's interesting that the products of the most expensive education system on the planet with some of the worst results can only muster a "U mad, Bro". I guess we should give you props for using a comma.

    • HQT

      Today's lesson: Ways to Incorporate Fisting in Your Life: or, How to Avoid Abortion!

      Don't remember that class.

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