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20 retro inventions in time that will mystify you (20 Photos)
I mean, this was the ultimate form of multitasking. Get your caffeine fix before heading into work. According to the designer, the machine held enough water for three cups of coffee and could also be used for preparing soups, boiling eggs, or heating water for washing or shaving. Just watch out for those potholes and speed bumps!
Make fun all you want, but this isn’t the worst idea you’ve ever heard of.
Why waste all the energy blowing on spoonful after spoonful of hot soup. Let an automatic fan do the legwork for you.
You had me at “Rocket-Propelled.” Why hustle so hard when you can let rockets to all the talking? Apparently the answer is because just after this picture was taken, the bike exploded. Fortunately, the only thing hurt was this man’s pride.
Actually, offspring of these boats are still around today, and it is one of the better ideas on this list.
**Woman not included**
Sure, I guess. This picture, taken in 1971, shows the vibrating bra that claimed to develop and strengthen the bust. Just make sure not to spill a drink on your shirt, if you’re not a fan of electrocuting yourself.
Bald Head Polishers
Let your maneless head shine bright for all your co-workers to see. It’s a total power move.
The Chain Smoker
If you thought you looked cool smoking just one cigarette, just imagine how popular you’ll be inhaling this monstrosity. Hollywood, here we come!
I won’t like, I love anything that glows, so I’m embarrassed to admit I kind of love these tires. Revealed in 1961, the Goodyear illuminated tire was made from a single piece of synthetic rubber that was brightly lit by bulbs mounted inside the wheel rim. Where do I sign up?
Technically any desk could be a bed if you try hard enough. This contraption is a desk that also folds out into a hammock for when you really stop giving a fuck about work.
Automatic Tip Requesters
Don’t lower yourself to a verbal or physical request for a tip, just let the fake hand do all the talking. This purchase will clearly pay for itself in no time…or get you shot. Either way.
Dream big. Dream of a future with jetpacks. Here’s Robert Courter taking to the air during a test of his flying jetpack in 1969. Alive or dead, the man was a God as far as I’m concerned. Fly Fly!!
Pipe For Two
What better way to cozy up to your co-workers than to stare into their eyes only inches apart, while simultaneously blowing smoke in their faces. Done deal!
Please tell me this guy got laid for a solid window of time. Swiss engineer M. Gerder created this “Motorwheel,” a motorcycle with a wheel that runs on a rail placed inside a solid rubber tire. It’s like a motorcycle, only vastly more complicated for no reason.
Nuclear Bomb Shelters
Given that it was 1958, a bomb shelter that could hold up to 12 people and would be safe to within three-quarters of a mile of ground zero if a 20-megaton nuclear bomb was dropped, was quite practical.
**Again, women not included**
The people who needed the extra help shoveling spaghetti in their mouths at a rapid pace are EXACTLY who this product should’ve been marketed towards. Introduced in 1968, these still exist today in some form.
Never mow your yard dripping in a soggy sweat again with the comfort lawnmower. Introduced in 1957, this bad boy had an air-foam-cushioned seat, an electric generating system for operating running lights, a radio telephone, air-conditioning, and even a cooling system to provide a chilled drink on a hot day. Laugh all you want, you know you kinda want this in your life.
Now you can pop a squat anywhere you please, and shut up those jerks who’d dare to ask you if you had a stick up your ass. “As a matter of fact, Dave, I do. And it’s wonderful.”
Suntan Lotion Dispenser
In 1949, a dime could get you a 30-second spray of lotion from a nozzle on this dispenser. Thirty seconds. Make sure you game plan for exactly what you’re going to hit on yourself. Or live dangerously and hit random passerbyers for a laugh. They’ll appreciate it down the road.
Window Baby Cages
Now your baby can experience the fear of death long before adulthood. These suspended baby wire cages attached to the outside of a high tenement block window. They were used by people who lived at the top of high buildings.