I have one for this…
Use Nair on your butthole area. The goopy hair removal stuff that basically dissolves hair from your body? Yeah, that. They do have a bikini line version for sensitive areas, if you’re scared of playing the “butthole is lava” game. I highly recommend doing this by sitting in the bathtub and using that to rinse off after, as well. Hopefully, your pooper hair doesn’t clog the drain!
Now that you’ve removed all butt hair, prepare yourself for the luxurious life of clean sweeps or just single wipes when you drop a deuce.
Fair warning though, your farts are now going to sound retarded. I don’t know why it happens, but for some reason having an ass jungle helps make farts sound normal and manly. When you remove that jungle, your farts will now sound weak and squeaky, like a mouse playing the trumpet at a funeral.
Just try the expensive silky feeling underwear for men. Just try them once.
I dare you to go back to those cheap whitey tightys.
Public restroom TP rule: Always wipe the seat first.
This may seem like a no-brainer, but it really serves three incredible purposes in one and everyone should practice it to increase their public pooping comfort.
When you go to grab the paper for the initial wipe, you find out how many shit tickets there actually are before you go to dumping.
Wiping the seat obviously clears it of piss and pubes.
When you throw the seat-wiping TP into the bowl, it creates a safe poop LZ, reducing splash back.
Shave your balls/gooch/arse with your legs through the handles of a plastic carrier bag.
The open bag will collect your pubes and make for an easy cleanup.
Also, lock the door when doing this. It can be quite a startling sight.
Related Video: Parent Hack #837: Get the dog to play with the kids