Every workplace has that guy. The weird guy. The one who doesn’t understand social cues. The one who clips his toenails in the break room. The one who is breathing on you right now as you read this. Or maybe the office creep is you? At any rate, some people took to Ask Reddit to reveal their office weirdo’s weirdest moments.
1. Do not engage, sirsbunnikat.
He follows me around but doesn’t say anything to me. When he notices I am talking to somebody, he’ll come over and never has any input. I’ll ask him things to break the ice and he acts like I’m bugging him.
2. And then spraynard_kreuger got robbed.
This one guy asked me how much cash I had in my pocket. I told him I was only carrying cards. Then he asked me what my spending limit was. I told him that was a weird thing to ask someone who you just met. Then tells me that he’s just trying to spark up a conversation…
3. Tasty, exastria!
Cough into his hand and then lick his palm. I sat opposite and died a little inside each time.
4. ablino_rhino thanks her weirdo for the unpleasant mammaries.
I don’t work with him anymore, but when I was pregnant I briefly worked with a guy that was more than old enough to be my dad. He would ask me pregnancy related questions all the time that started out pretty innocent. But then he started getting more and more personal. The final straw was when he asked if my breasts leaked when I heard babies cry.
5. Well, DanceOfTards, we suppose that’s technically a lot of anime porn.
IT guy told me about his “terabytes” of Anime porn at home on his server.
6. Let’s hope that’s his belly, bornwithatail.
Ugh. I work with a close talker who has a big belly and he will stand so close that his belly is touching you.
7. Roasted_Polar_Bear found the second-worst kinds of seed to find in a desk at work.
He sprouts mung beans on a damp paper towel in his desk drawer
8. The obesity doesn’t really matter, quasifaust. It’s plenty weird regardless of the dude’s weight.
Obese man in his 50s pulls his pants down all the way at the urinal. Every time.
9. Apparently GroupCaptSlow is the one person on earth who never found their cousin attractive?!?!
He is called Colton. He’s just generally creepy. Genuinely gives me the willies. Collects breakfast cereal toys, lives in his mother’s basement (he’s at least 30), and has a thing for his cousin. His first cousin. Not kidding with that. He for some reason or another opened up to me about vivid sexual fantasies involving his first cousin. Went on a date with a friend of mine (right when he first started and the creepy wasn’t as pronounced) and offered to pay for dinner if she’d blow him. Also claimed to make jerky from animals his cat catches….. not 100% certain if that’s true or not but it doesn’t help him not look weird.
10. We picked this one from adrift98 just for you.
Flosses his teeth and picks his ears with everything on his desk. Hand him a report? It’ll be in his mouth in the next 5 minutes. When he picks his ears with his car keys I’ll ask “what are you doing? Starting up your brain?” Pisses him off, but I get a private chuckle out of it.
11. SwanchSwabz just doesn’t get Atkins.
I put my meatball sandwich in the office refrigerator someone ate the meatballs out of the sandwich but not the sandwich. thats pretty creepy to me.
12. callmesomethingelse came for the rabbits, stayed for the roaches.
She. Raises/breeds rabbits for eating. Brings the grosses roasts and stews to heat in the break room. They stink. Always rabbit meat. Oh, and roaches crawl out of her handbag when she brings it in and is promptly yelled at to take it to her car. When it’s just her cell phone she brings in little roaches crawl out of it on her desk. Anyway, I don’t work there anymore but she does.
13. b00zehasz has a coworker who will have to introduce himself if he moves into your neighborhood.
He stands right outside the women’s bathroom door. Whenever I’m leaving the bathroom he’s there. I hate it. It makes me so uncomfortable.
14. The coworker of madeofchemicals has staring contests in which everybody loses.
He turns around in his chair, stares at my cubicle buddy for a good 2-3 minutes. Like turns his entire body and goes somewhere in his mind, while she is facing her computer. This has gone on for like a month. No one has said anything, but one point in time I started to IM her a clock, meaning look at your 6. She finally caught on and is creeped out every time he does it.
15. A filthy, dirty story by Semi_Automatic_Mind.
Never ever washes his hands after going to the bathroom. A number of people have confirmed watching as he has gone from bathroom stall to straight out the door and back to work without pausing to even consider washing his hands. It is common knowledge to never shake hands with him under any circumstances. His frequent and noticeable tendency to audibly pass gas in his cubicle does not help the situation at all.
16. This dude ghost0427 is talking about is definitely hiding in their car right now.
He would walk around looking in everyone’s cars, and talked with coworkers about some of the things he saw, such as asking “What’s in that bag in your back seat?”.
17. May this one from DingleDanglies be the grossest thing you see all day. For all of your days.
The creepiest guy used to go to the bathroom and masturbate. When he arrived he used to spread the ejaculate around his neck. His reason was that because of the pheromones being let off his neck the women would instantly get horny (his words) and want to have sex with him. He was later fired for sexual harassment.