“Met a woman who had the most beautiful eyes I’d ever seen, like swirling green galaxies of a million shining stars.
In my head: “Wow. Those are gorgeous. Like works of art. They’re so beautiful they should keep them on display for all mankind to see forever.”
Out of my mouth: You have pretty eyes. I bet they’d look good on a pedestal.
Happy ending: We’ve been married for six years now.” – TheForceiswithus
“My dad, mom and I were at a funeral for an older lady we’d known for years (I was probably about thirteen). Her son, who my parents had never met, was in the receiving line.
When we got to him, my mom is talking about his mother and how much everyone loved her, etc. When we’re getting ready to walk away, my mother smiles at this guy, a little misty eyed, and says, “We just loved her to death.”
Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on your perspective) for her, this guy was a genius because, without skipping a beat, he deadpans it and says, “So, you’re the reason for all this.”
I swear my dad and I laughed the entire way home.” – tardis_tits
“My sister had just been dumped by her fiance. She was devastated. We were at Denny’s, where they use to eat a lot, and we were thinking about what to order. She said “You know what Bryan uses to love?” meaning something he always ate there. Without skipping a beat I said, “You?”
She cried.” – CaptMurphy
“My girlfriend and I had a chance to move out of the country for my work and the company would pay extra if we were married. I suggested that we quick hit the courthouse and do a legal wedding. Followed it up with, “It’s not like we would really be married.” Big mistake…” – mouippai