Damn. My heart goes out to bethmando for this one.
So – husband was working in NYC – I was home in Pennsylvania with 2 kids. 4 and 2 year old. Two year old with newly diagnosed autism. Husband stayed up for work a few nights a month. Was starting to happen alll the time. I’d NEVER been suspicious of him – always trusted him completely, but things had changed lately. He’d call early (8pm…?) and sorta wrap things up for the night. Saying he was going to crash early, etc etc. After 6 months of this – me being suspicious and feeling crazy – and knowing about this new coworker. He’d talk about her telling me how funny she was and how many problems she had. How she’d walked out on 4 engagements, etc.
Finally – one night he called me early to wrap things up. Saying he was in hotel and phone was running out of juice, etc. I remembered something about 30 minutes later I wanted to tell him. So called his cell – he didn’t answer. I called the hotel – they said he wasn’t checked in yet. On a WHIM (I still don’t know what made me think to do this) but I asked to be connected to the new coworkers name’s room. They put me through. HE ANSWERED. Caught.
How did I react? I was calm for a few sentences. Then I screamed a bit – telling him he was a monster. And then I was calm again. He said he was sorry. We hung up. It was surreal. I was walking around my house…it was a fortress built by a marriage that was now over. It all felt foreign. I was a healthy degree scared, too. What would I do now? I had the crazy urge to call my husband…the guy BEFORE this happened – to tell him what a bad time I was having.
That was 11 years ago. We divorced. I got left holding the bag with 2 kids 4 and 2. One profoundly disabled. He married the co worker. They adopted a kid 2 years ago. I have had a few relationships – but it’s been hard to “start over” when I have full custody and a lot on my plate like this.
So many of these posts are funny and “it was a good thing and I found someone new”…. Sometimes, cheating results in the end of a family. The cheated-on getting crushed. Yup, my marriage was in trouble because we were having a crisis with our daughter. He’s at fault, not her. But she was a willing participant. She took my husband.
He feels badly about how things went. The new wife is nuts and suffers depression and is on a plastic surgery binge. He clearly misses me and we both regret how things went down. But it’s over.