“Sighs So I’ve actually had sex with a girl before realizing she was actually into me.
She knocks on my dorm room door wearing a miniskirt and carrying a chocolate cake (a whole chocolate cake) and says she just baked it and was wondering if I’d like to try some. I tell her that I’m not a big fan of chocolate (crushing her) but was intelligent enough to add that I’d like try it anyway. We set the cake aside. I invite her in and she asks what I’m up to.
I tell her the truth, that I was about to start watching V for Vendetta, and she squeals that she loves that movie and asks if she can watch it with me. We lay down on my unfolded futon and start watching it together under a blanket (this was in the dead of Boston winter).
We’re watching the movie and she starts making all these comments about Hugo Weaving. “I love Hugo Weaving so much.” “God, Hugo Weaving is so hot.” “Man, Hugo Weaving makes me so horny.” And all this time I’m like “yeah he’s a great actor I loved him in the Matrix.”
Maybe 20 minutes pass by and all of a sudden I feel her rubbing up against me and she’s, well, touching herself. “Sorry, I hope you don’t mind, I just got really horny and couldn’t help myself.” And here I am thinking I’m the luckiest dope in the world and I’m so glad I picked a movie that had Hugo Weaving in it. Of course, I say something like “oh, uh, that’s OK. I understand. I have actresses that really do that for me, too.” And I do absolutely nothing because I still don’t get that she’s coming onto me.
Another ten minutes of this pass before she just turns to me and asks “Can I suck your dick?”
And my mind– my very underdeveloped pathetic mind– my very first thoughts were “Hugo Weaving is such a great wingman” and “Damn talk about being in the right place at the right time.” It took me another year before I realized it was all a ruse to get to me and I could have been watching any damn movie at all the whole time with more or less the same result.” -Inri137