When I was sick and feeling feverish, I decided to take some Motrin to try and alleviate the symptoms. Usually I grab the pill bottle and shake out two pills, but instead I grabbed my water bottle first and poured water all over my hand.
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My husband and I had an inside joke. Whenever someone lost something, the other person always asked, “have you checked inside your butt?”
I was in a meeting at work (conservative and traditional corporate office) one day and a coworker said, “I can’t find my pen.” Without any thought or hesitation I quickly responded, “have you checked inside your butt?” As soon as I said it, I snapped back to reality and realized I was at work. As you can imagine, everyone went silent and stared at me as my face turned bright red.
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I’m a security guard for Amazon and I have to do bathroom checks. Caught myself yelling “SECURITY!” right before going to the restroom at a bar on my day off. Thank God it was empty.
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Cleaning up my face with electric clippers. Thought, “Oh, missed a spot.” and proceeded to shave off my fucking eyebrow.
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Instead of ground coffee, I put a couple scoops of sugar in my coffee filter and brewed it.
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Patted one of my coworkers on the butt. I was in the habit of walking up behind my husband and patting him on the butt, so it was just automatic. Fortunately, coworker wasn’t offended.
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Texting my wife while cashing out at the grocery store. She had just done laundry so I wanted to thank her. Rather than typing, I spoke aloud to the cashier saying ‘thanks, love you’
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I feed my cat while I make breakfast. One very sleep deprived morning I made cereal in her bowl and put her kibble in my cereal bowl. I didn’t realize I fucked up until I shoved a giant spoonful of cat food in my mouth and chewed a few times.
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Put toothpaste on my razor and almost went to town on my mouth.
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Someone knocked at my door and i knocked back…
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I frequently start fondling my leg in search of my keys whilst driving my car. The panic sets in as I slowly work my hands around my body for the keys I’ve lost, only to remember they’re in the ignition.
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Via Reddit
Pulled into my complex, walked up the stairs, my keys wouldn’t open the door and then I realized it had been seven years since I had lived there.
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