The shameless masturbator.
1. He would beat his meat with his roommate in the room. Would simply climb up into his lofted bed, crank that porn (without headphones, what a monster) and choke the chicken. To make things worse, he couldn’t be bothered to finish in a tissue. He would cum on the infamous blue plastic mattress underneath his sheets, AND LEAVE IT THERE.
2. He would buff his banana while sitting at his desk, arrive at completion, and leave his gunk in the keyboard tray. He apparently had an aversion to cumming in acceptable locations.
3. Our hall had a pumpkin carving program for halloween and instead of carving a jack-o-lantern he carved a hole to stick his dick in. According to his roommate, this poor pumpkin was molested on many different occasions.
4. The culmination of his whacky adventures ended with him tootin’ his horn with the door open to the hallway. His floor mate took one look, threw up in the hallway, and then attempted to beat the shit out of him.
Eventually the kid was moved. His desk and mattress were quite literally condemned.
I’ve been an RA for 4 years and have many an amusing story, but this is one I will never forget.