One of the major things that makes the relationship between Canada and the US so special is that we have one of the longest undisputed borders in the world. Other than some markers along the way, and checkpoints at the major roads, there’s not much security (at least, for now… I’m sure he’ll want to build a wall on top too). Other than some accidental invasions via mattress or mis-guided GPS’, our border is pretty amicable.
But we soon forget that once upon a time, the US-Canada border was like a crazy DMZ, with frequent invasions, skirmishes and all out attempts at war, and that we weren’t always the best of buds.
Here’s some of the more bizarre incidents at the border from our long history as neighbours.
Maine tried to start a war, but settled for a bar fight instead
Back in the 1830’s relations between the state of Maine and the area of New Brunswick (as it wasn’t an official province until 1867), weren’t so hot. There was an area between the two that was disputed territory and both sides want to claim it and tax is and ended up arresting officials on both side, including one gentleman that was whistling “Yankee Doodle Dandy” on the Canadian side. Maine finally had enough and declared war. Canada didn’t care.
Maine raised money, equipped 10,000 militiamen and marched into Canada. Our federal forces were on hand, but watched disinterestedly figuring it’d all blow over, but were also ready incase things really got serious. It never did.
The worst thing to happen was in a local tavern, when a drunk member of the militia shouted “success to Maine!” and a bar fight started, resulting in some broken arms and noses. That’s it.
Shortly after, the provisional British/Canadian government sat down with Congress and discussed the dispute and it ended up that the US was in possession of a map, drawn by Benjamin Franklin, that proved that the Canadian claims were correct; the territory was ours. No one had told Maine about the map, and they invaded without cause. The Maine militia slinked away in defeat. The only casualty of that invasion was after the militia had left, a celebrating British soldier fired his musket into the air, hit a rock and it ricocheted to kill a passing farmer. Yikes.
Sometimes, we worry about the Irish
It may come as no surprise, but after hundreds of years of history, there’s some bad blood between the Irish and the English. I know, I’m shocked too. There were large populations of Irish settlers that left Europe and relocated to North America, fought for the US, and after the Civil War found themselves unemployed, but good at doing war stuff. So they started the Fenian Raids, a series of heavily armed incursions into Canada.
One of their attempts, in 1866, had 800 men cross the border, defeat a Canadian force, occupy Fort Erie, and dream up plans to conquer Canada and ransom it back to Britain, in exchange for freeing Ireland from tyranny. Now that’s pretty f-ing ballsy.
But of course, Uncle Sam took the piss out of them, when their army arrested the second wave and went after the original invaders, bringing them home on their dime. There were several other attempts that didn’t work so well, so the original leader John O’Neil, took his best 40 men and set out for Manitoba, hoping it was easier to conquer. It started off well when they captured and looted an abandoned Canadian border fort, but it turns out their maps were wrong. As their maps were out of date, they didn’t realize that the border lines were redrawn and they were a mile inside US territory, and they just committed a little bit of treason. Shit.
But, they weren’t the only ones to misunderstand the lines of a map.
The US builds Fort Blunder and Canada laughs
Seems like back in those days, maps were being redrawn constantly, so while one day you’re a Canadian, the next, you might become a US citizen because you’re map hasn’t been updated. Sounds like Apple Maps was around back then too, no?
Anyways, in 1816 (after getting their asses handed to them during the War of 1812), the US Government spent a large sum building a powerful fort on Lake Champlain with huge stone walls, making it one hell of an imposing deterrent if the Canadians wanted to invade again. After 2 years, some presidential visits and a whole lot of money, some one from the surveyors office noticed something. Their initial survey was wrong.
They were in Canadian territory; 1 km inside of our border. The US had to give up on the build and it became known as Fort Blunder. Thanks for building us a fort, generous Uncle Sam! Hilariously enough, 20 years later, the Webster-Ashburton treaty actually determined the the land was actually America’s all along. Double oops!
The US decided to continue building the fort, except they had to start from scratch. You see, in the intervening years, locals on both sides of the border plundered the fort for building materials.
Canada has the most metal way of dealing with smugglers
Even today, US citizens try to cross the border with a shit load of guns on their person, and we confiscate them, melt them down and use them to build poutine forks (actually, I think we return them or something…). We’re not so big on guns.
Back in 1837, despite our boring demeanour, we had a lot of rebellions, international beefs and some inter-provincial hatred. That year, a rebellion broke out in Ontario and after much fighting the belligerents fled to Navy Island in the Niagara river and started the Republic of Canada and continued resisting. The US also supported this fight against British tyranny and one group offered to supply the Canadian rebels with guns. They hid them on the steamboat Caroline and sent it across the river.
In the most metal thing Canada’s ever done, their troops stormed the Caroline, set it on fire and cast the blazing ship over Niagara Falls. They probably ripped off a blistering air-guitar solo whilst doing it.
That didn’t help matters though and things got worse for a time until cooler heads prevailed.
Confederate spies don’t understand Germ Warfare
During the Civil War, Canada was a hotbed of Confederate agents, hiding up north to better enact their plans to take down the Union. There was one group that tried to hijack a passenger ship on the Great Lakes to save Union POWs, but instead got caught when their inside man in the prison forgot to incapacitate the guards. Or there were the guys that tried to burn down St. Albans in Vermont, only to get stopped by the border guards. Confederate soldiers even tried to burn down New York City with greek fire, but didn’t understand how it worked and it fizzled out. Then there was the attempt to infect the North with Yellow Fever.
Led by future Kentucky governor, Dr. Luke Blackburn, they took the clothes of his patients who had died from Yellow Fever, smuggled them to Canada, then attempted to smuggle them into the northern states. They even sent some nice clothes to President Lincoln. The plot was discovered early on and only one trunk of clothes made it across the border, and while the Confederates celebrated any Yellow Fever outbreaks that followed, they forgot one thing.
Yellow Fever is only spread by mosquitoes. Their plot actually never had a chance.
Have you ever heard of War Plan Red?
Having contingencies and secret plans is old hat for the military, but in Canada’s case, it once went as far as the US having a legitimate plan of invading Canada; executable at a moments notice.
Taking place in the 1930’s, it got to the point that secret military bases, disguised as civilian airports, along the border and the plan was to bomb Vancouver, Quebec and Montreal and use poison gas against Canadian troops.
When Ottawa heard about it, they made a big deal and FDR had to apologize that there never was any real threat of invasion, but they wanted to ensure they could seize the territory if they needed to.
Little known to the Americans, we had our own plan for invading them too. We had a lower budget, so it involved sending a troop disguised as a tourist to take photos of the planned routes, and take free maps from rest stops and gas stations. Once we knew the best ways to invade, we’d take over border towns and wait for our big brother, Britain to come help us out.
The secret society of Hunters Lodges
The Fenian’s/Irish weren’t the only ones who tried to invade us from the US; the French were to blame too. In the 1830’s, a secret society called the Hunters Lodge, launched an attack against the corrupt Anglo-Canadian government, using the US as their home base and launching armed raids into Canada.
This culminated in the Battle of the Windmill, when 250 rebels crossed into Canada and set up base in a stone windmill. The structure was strong enough to withstand the Canadian and British armies, and the Hunters were waiting on reinforcements from the US, but the government stepped in and blocked their help, effectively stranding the Hunters in Canada, and forcing them to surrender.
Won’t someone please figure out where the border is?
The entirety of this list is literally comprised of events that resulted from shitty maps. Today, we know that the 49th parallel and the great lakes are the dividing line, but in the 19th century, it was a free-for-all. This was great if you were looking to invade or smuggle, but if you were a regular guy, trying to make a living, it was rough.
For example, the people who lived in Indian Stream, all 300 of them, were on the border of New Hampshire and Quebec. Both countries claimed them and both taxed them. This went on for years, until they decided to secede from both countries and start their own Republic; thus the Republic of Indian Stream, under the watchful gaze of President Luther Parker, was born.
Now, this made the situation tricky. Canada didn’t want to invade, as the US would see it as an incursion on their territory, and the US felt the same way. For 3 years, Indian Stream existed as their own independent country until 1835, when Canadian debt collectors arrested a man from Indian Stream, for not paying his hardware store bill. Diplomatic immunity wasn’t a thing back then. This wasn’t okay with the Streamers and they invaded Canada, storming the jail and freeing their compatriot. Then, fearing a reprisal, they voted to become a part of the United States, effectively running back to their dad, after kicking someone in the shin. While the Quebecois were enraged, the rest of Canada didn’t really want to start a thing over a couple of screws.
Someone should build a wall up north
When you think of illegal immigration, automatically picture the US/Mexican border and even sometimes our border with the States, but would you guess that some illegals tried to come in through the Yukon? The irony was that no one cared about Alaska and the Yukon until they found gold; then shit got serious.
The Canadian sent RCMP up to the Yukon to claim the town of Skagway, but were turned away from prospectors trying to burn a Canadian flag. We then went to fortify the summits of Chilkoot and White Passes and brought a pair of Gatling machine guns to enforce the border between the Yukon and Alaska. This dispute wasn’t really settled until 1903, when the British government sided with the US and gave them the territory, which is why it looks like Alaska has a little dangle at the bottom. Canadians weren’t happy that that.
Con man finds shelter in Canada; disaster follows
In 1870, a mysterious man who called himself Lord Gordon-Gordon entered New York society, and was introduced to a robber baron named Jay Gould. Now Gould wasn’t a nice man, in fact he was cruel and greedy, and he singlehandedly tried to corner the gold market and caused the market panic, known as “Black Friday” in the US. He had so many enemies, and was in danger of losing his share of the Eerie Railroad to the Vanderbilts. Cue Gordon-Gordon.
He approached Gould and told him that he was of Scottish aristocracy and he had friends who had control of $30 Million of Eerie stock, and for a price he could get them to support Gould in his attempt to take over the railroad. Gould gave him a million dollars, and Gordon-Gordon fled to Canada.
Turns out Gordon-Gordon wasn’t an aristocrat, he wasn’t even Scottish. He was a conman. Embarrassed, Gould wanted revenge and as there was no extradition treaty with Canada, and with Gordon promising the Manitoba government the money if they sheltered him, he had no options. In 1873, he sent bounty hunters, comprised of two future governors of Minnesota, three future congressmen and the current mayor of Minneapolis, across the border and they found and kidnapped Gordon and attempted to bring him back to the US. They got stopped at the border by the Mounties.
The current governor of Minnesota demanded that the men be released and returned, but Canada said no. Invasion was threatened, President Grant got involved and the Canadian government wondered if war was going to break out over men who had illegally entered the country and forcefully kidnapped a new Canadian investor.
Canada ultimately backed down and released the kidnappers, and Gordon-Gordon, upon realizing that Gould would never leave him alone, spent the million on a party in Canada with gifts for his guests, then dramatically shot himself in the head. That’ll do it.
Via Listverse
Hands down, we’ve got the best app for going poopie! Get it here!
