Based on your submissions, the world is a very weird place and we’re all very weird people.
“Friend of mine got engaged the night before and we were on the first tee the next afternoon. We got paired with an older guy. He doesn’t say a word for 6 holes and so I try to break the ice and tell him that my buddy got engaged last night. The guy walks over to him, shakes his hand and says, “Welp…you can’t be happy all your life, you stupid sonofabitch” and those were literally the only worlds he spoke the whole round.”
“Lady walked out of a pub bathroom and asked me if I was a jockey. I said no and told her she’d have to find someone else to ride her home.”
“Old man in Burger King: turns around and says, “can I ask you a question?”
Me: Sure
Old man: Do you know what a man with a 10″ penis has for lunch?
Me: Hahaha, ummm…no, what?
Old man: Well, today I am having a Whopper with cheese, some fries and a large Coke…then he turns back around and continues to eat.”
“Funny one happened the other day to the wife’s sister. Some random old man she just met said to her (in front of his wife no less), “I’d like to say you’ve got a nice ass, but I’ll just say that’s a nice pair of jeans you’re wearing.” Apparently his wife thought that was hysterical.”
While in Target near one of the food aisles. I was wearing my ID tag from work so I guess she thought I worked there.
“Excuse me, sir? Is it Grapeseed Oil or regular Olive Oil that you can also use as lubricant? Like for sex.”
I, of course, replied “grapeseed oil.”
“Wife and I (both 24) were waiting for an elevator. Door opens, there’s one dude in there, also going down. We smile to acknowledge him and step into the elevator. He immediately steps out right after. He turns around, looks at us and says, “I don’t deal with kids,” and the doors close and we ride down alone.”
“I was standing with my friend at a party, and two girls walked up to us and said: ‘Hi, my name’s Ann and this is Ann, and we just had sex with two other girls named Ann.'”
“I helped a friend move from the city to a small town on a extremely hot day. When we finished we found a liquor store to pick up a case. In the store this girl walks in and walks by me, stops dead in her tracks and comes back to start smelling me like a dog. She stopped after a few seconds looks at me and says you smell good, gives me a big smile, slaps my ass and casually walks away. I stalled hard and had no words for what just happened.”
“I was in Burger King when this much older man started chatting me up, he follows me to my seat and continues talking while I eat. Eventually he asks if I want to go to India with him this weekend. All expenses paid. I just have to be open minded.”
I got mugged once in Glasgow as a young teenager. This is how the conversation went. “Im going to need whatever money you have on you kid” “I got £20 note but need it to get the train home” “How much is your ticket?” “Bout £8 or £9” “Oh, thats alright, ive got change” He took my £20 and gave me £10 back. Not a bad mugging by any means. –
A guy came up to me once and asked if I had a light for a smoke. Before I get a chance to respond he says, “No wait, you’re too fat to smoke,” and walked away.
“Some guy called my job asking what time we opened, so I told them. Seems normal so far right? Well, he follows up with “What if I give you a blowjob?”
“I remember going for a walk with my friend about a year ago, I saw a penny on the ground and picked it up. All i hear behind me is “hey cool a penny” and the random stranger behind us rips it from my hand and runs. ??? We still make jokes about the Copper Crook to this day.”
“I worked in a large retail supermarket. I was bent forward, placing some toys on a podium, when suddenly my rear was slapped. Like, really slapped. I turn around and a neat elderly lady around age 70 stands behind me. She states:”I always do that to the young girl in my local supermarket” Then she chuckled softly. I just smiled confused, without any idea how to respond to that.”
“I was at college and this husky guy with an untrimmed neckbeard asked me what time it was. I politely told him what it was, even giving a smile and he stuck his hand out to me. Confused, I shook his hand but he seemed confused, almost startled as he did these weird hand gestures. He whispered “oh shit, you don’t know the handshake.” Before leaving with a worried look on his face.”
They started stroking my hair (super curly) and whispered “I’d sell my soul for your hair”. This was in the parking lot of the grocery store when I was 10.
“I was catching the bus home after work late one night, it was about a half an hour bus ride and I had fallen into a deep sleep. I woke up suddenly thinking I had missed my stop, when the guy sitting next to me said “don’t worry this isn’t your stop, you get off at the next one”. I’ve never seen this guy in my life and he knew exactly what bus stop I needed to get off at.”
