Listen, El Presidente margaritas at Chili’s definitely have a time and a place (often, anywhere), but when it comes to sitting down and doing some regrettable drinking with friends and strangers, nothing beats a good dive bar. There’s no lame ass dress code and there’s definitely no Taylor Swift on the juke box. I know we’ve got plenty of home bodies here who’d usually rather sip from the bottle on their back porches (me included), but if you live near one of these places, go give it a shot or three.
Los Angeles, CA
It’s not often a strip club makes a best of list for dive bars, but this is burlesque you uncultured swine! It’s classy as fuck! The women actually stay partially dressed and shake their bits to hits on the jukebox while you gather at the bar guzzling some notoriously strong cocktails. Come to think of it, this might be better in a “Best Dives for the Bros” list…
Miami FL
Contrary to what he may try to convince you, no this bar doesn’t belong to our Mac, though it’s almost as cool. The most inviting thing about this hole in the wall might actually be how anti-South Beach it is. It’s just a laid back place to pound beers with your best buds under the flickering buzz of neon lights. Like to get an early start? You’ll be happy to know that their Happy Hour starts at 8am. Bloody Marys anyone?
Austin TX
I’m gonna break this down for you Yankees real quick: Chicken shit bingo (where you bet on the ability of a chicken to drop a deuce on a numbered square), cheap ass Lone Star, live honky-tonk music and the best damn bar hotdogs you ever regretted shoving in your face hole. It’s a little bit upbeat for a dive, but the prices and friendly personnel definitely give it that “little dive that could” feel.
Washington, DC
It’s a “grill” by name only. They don’t actually serve any food, unless you count bags of chips. You might also be thrown by the vibrant, neon “cocktails” sign out front, because this isn’t some flashy, spinning the bottle bullshit type of bar. Tom Cruise need not apply. Nope, this is for the beer drinkers and those without top shelf tastes. There may be a little graffiti here and there, but that just makes this regular favorite all the more endearing.
Philadelphia, PA
Well, if that name doesn’t grab you, you’re clearly out of reach. Philly has no shortage of dives to run amuck in, shocker I know, but if you only have time (or tolerance) for one, this is your shit. It’s covered in graffiti, with bumper cars for booths, but has surprisingly good grub and fabulous drink specials. You’ll even find a couple pool tables, though it’s often too busy to realistically play them.
New Orleans, LA
Bourbon St gets all the praise, and all the drunks it seems, but just a couple blocks over is this drinker’s paradise. You won’t have to sift through the bullshit of gigantic frozen hurricanes or grenades, whatever the hell those are. It’s less touristy and much more welcoming. Chart Room is no frills. Knock back your beer or shoot your booze in a laid back atmosphere.
New York, NY
Hell’s Kitchen has become heaven for trendy, chic bars looking to cash in on the changing demographics. Ah, gentrification… I digress. This sweet little dive isn’t catering to those mustached beard oil salesmen though. It’s catering to regulars who like to belly up tight to the bar (the only seating) and enjoy the company of good bartenders and local regulars.
Baltimore, MD
Since when are dive bar and religious works of art synonymous? Since this classic watering hole got a replica of the Sistine Chapel’s ceiling painted above its bar. This choice in décor has led to the bar taking on the nickname, the “Dirt Church.” Other than the masterpiece adorning the ceiling, this is a casual, no frills sort of joint where locals sit until their legs fall asleep. Shot? Beer? Both? You’re in the right place.
Chicago, IL
Not only is this the best little dive in Chicago, it’s legend-wait for it-dary! Legendary! From the moment you walk in the door, you’ll notice how different this monument to drinking is than any other dive bar you’ve been to. There is a theme within the bar, giving an ode to poetry and literature, all the while maintaining a no-nonsense drinkers approach. Sound like a weird combination? Well, you haven’t even seen the politically themed nude paintings yet…
Boston MA
If you want to serve cheap drinks to your clientele of regulars and college kids, you’ve got to skimp on some things – like bathroom doors. I’m not going to call this place sketchy, because it’s definitely one small step up from that, but the drinks are stiff and free flowing, so if you like a nice quiet “safe space”, this might not be the joint for you.
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