As someone who has recently discovered the glories of shower sex, I was shocked when I was looking over the recent SKYN Condoms Millennial Sex Survey, 74% of millennials have had sex in a shower or bathtub at least once in their lifetime. Only 74% seemed low to me, considering that shower sex it literally the greatest invention since sliced bread or electricity. Hear me out: you’re able to have sex in a warm environment that is sensual and will ensure that you’re able to easily clean up afterwards.
However, I know my experience is singular and limited, because shortly after explaining my new found love of morning shower sex with a friend she rebuttal with “I knew a girl who broke her teeth having shower sex.” When pressed for more information I was regaled with a story about how the girl in question was having sex with her boyfriend and the lube caused her to slip and crack her jaw on the lining of the tub.
With this new information in the back of my brain and forcing me to be extremely careful while using lube moving forward, I decided to ask everyone I knew if they had ever sustained an injury while having shower sex. Here are 10 of the worst ones.
1. Hazy Head
“One time I was having sex with my boyfriend in the shower and I guess I didn’t realize how hot the water was getting and he ended up passing out and cutting his head open on the water spout. So much blood it was like a horror movie in there.”- Morgan, 26.
“One time a guy I was seeing and I were having sex in his shower and I thought….I was good to bottom but it turns out I wasn’t. It was horrific…I just really have no other words to describe it but I shit in his shower.”- Oliver, 27.
“Ugh, I was waiting for my boyfriend to come into the shower so we could have sex and I got my period and it looked like a scene from Psycho in there. Clearly we didn’t go through with it and we stopped trying to have shower sex.”- Elle, 28.
4. Through The Pipes
“Shower sex used to be the only thing my girlfriend and I would do in college until I realized that everyone in our hall could hear us loudly going at it through the pipes.”- Carl, 29.
5. Cheese Grater
“I once was masturbating in the shower (can that count as shower sex?) and I stepped on a razor that had fallen in my fury. Blood all over and my foot look like I had put it to a cheese grater.”- Kris, 26.
6. Parental Control
“One time both of my parents walked in my girlfriend and I having sex in the shower of my first apartment in college. Turns out there were early and had a spare key! They were just opening the door to let me know they were here and to not be frightened, but they were the ones who were scared when my girlfriend screamed in surprise.” –Josh, 26.
7. I Found Myself a Cheerleader
“One time a girl I was seeing slipped in the shower while we were having sex and broke her arm. She was a cheerleader in college so that really didn’t go over well.” –Paul, 28.
8. Burn, Baby, Burn
“I think the worst thing that has ever happened to me and my boyfriend during shower sex was that we thought we could use conditioner as lube of sorts. I can’t even begin to describe to you how badly it burned.” – Neil, 28.
9. Put A Ring On It
“I slipped once and struck out my hand to catch my fall and I ended up punching the guy I was seeing in the face and breaking his nose. He still wanted to be together after that, though, and now we’re engaged!” – Mary, 25.
10. Inside Job
“One time while having shower sex I was getting really close to finishing, I guess the water didn’t mix well with the lube and it caused the condom to break a while ago? Only neither of us knew and I finished inside of her.” – Nico, 27.
This post first appeared on theBERRY.