A scuba diver in Hawaii found himself in a bit of clam jam after he freed his willy into a mollusk.
Unconfirmed reports state that a 22 year old man arrived at Ka’u hospital (presumably taken by clambulance) on the big island suffering from severe breathing complications, vomiting, extreme swelling and low blood pressure. It was then revealed that he had stuck his penis into a giant clam to impress his buddies,
“It was just a joke at first. My friend was filming so I wanted to impress him and put my dick into the clam, but then it just wouldn’t let go.” His condition has supposedly since stabilized.
Doctors at Ka’u Hospital allegedly believed the diver’s body reacted to the digestive enzymes of the giant mollusk. The enzymes are believed to have began to digest the man’s genitals on top of also suffering from an allergic reaction. Surprisingly, not sticking your anchovy in a clam’s bikini bottom isn’t covered during Scuba certification, which may have led to the Sushi Stuffer’s confusion /s. The man was checked for Clamydia and released.
It’s a tough lesson to learn, but one that probably should have never been needed. There’s easier ways to make clam chowder.
Note: Ben asked me to make a joke that the man was Elon Musk’s brother ‘Felon Mollusk’ but we didn’t know how to translate that.
