“36 and still stomp the shit out of bubble wrap. But now I’m the manager of a warehouse and it is. Fucking. Everywhere.
Had a sword fight with one of my employees last week. We wrapped in the big bubble overlay wrap as suits and whacked each other with cardboard roll bars until it all busted.
Then we played ping pong in the break room and watched Judge Judy.
Take your pick on which was the worst.”
“When I eat broccoli, I pretend I’m a giant eating trees. I have been since I was a little kid. It was the only way I could eat them. Now I enjoy them, but I still like to pretend.”
“Motherfuckin shampoo mohawk! Or shampoo slicked back hair…
Wife: “What in the world were you doing in the shower for 20 minutes??” Me: “Shampoo mohawk…””