My kitchen skills begin and end at microwaving leftover ravioli from Olive Garden. But I still love watching these confectionary delights transform in the oven from balls of dough to golden brown masterpieces, rising and blossoming like beautiful flowers of empty calories. Keto can kick rocks. And Weight Watchers can watch me fit an entire cinnamon roll in my mouth. Because building this gallery has ruined any desire I had to lose weight for the foreseeable future. By the time you’re reading this, I will be deep in a carb-induced coma, buried under a pile of spent Howdy Donut bags and a looming sense of regret. Good day, sir.