It’s that time of year again, where millions of little girls post up on street corners to peddle America’s deadliest drug: high fructose corn syrup. You aren’t fooling me with those smiles and pigtails. There’s blood on your tiny hands, Troop 154.
Resisting the temptation of regular cookies at the supermarket is hard enough. With Girl Scout cookies it’s impossible because turning them down is like telling little Suzy to her face that you don’t give a fuck about her camping tip. “But Alex, couldn’t you just give them a donation without taking the cookies?” *Chewing mouthful of Samoas* That is literally not an option.
Alongside the rising blood pressure levels, this time of year also sees a spike in heated argument. Cookie consumers fall into one of two camps, both of which fervently disagrees with the other. You either think Samoas are number one and Thin Mints are number two, or you think Thin Mints are number one and Samoas are number two. There is no in between. No sense of partisanship. No love for Tagalongs (I don’t know why the other cookies even exist, but for the sake of content, I ate them all and ranked them to the best of my ability).
Scroll through for our ranking of Girl Scout cookies, from best to worst, then feel free to chime in with your own ranking in the comments below. Psst… Hey Suzy *slides $20 across table* get me a 38 stack of Thins. “Sir, why are you acting like these Girl Scout cookies are illegal drugs?” I wasn’t asking you, Mrs. Suzy’s Mom.