“I lost a condom inside a girl once. When I was asked to retrieve it, I mimed putting a helmet on. She asked me what I was doing and I said, “This is my spelunking helmet, I need to wear it when I go cave-diving”.
She didn’t laugh.’
“In what was either an attempt to flirt with me or an attempt to emasculate me, my high school crush at the time said “you know, if you could see my ass right now, you’d have a boner.”
To which I replied without thinking, “but I already have a boner.”
It’s a toss up between that and farting myself awake during math class.”