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If you ever find yourself struggling to connect with your partner when they are struggling with something, ask them which of the five As they need right now:

Attention – all they are looking for is someone to hear them out, they need no other action at this time, and they don’t even need you to respond other than acknowledging that you are listening.

Affirmation (or Affection) – they want you to listen and agree with them, have their back, lift them up, but that’s all they need right now. Importantly, it may be the case that you don’t necessarily agree with them about this issue, but right now they need to know you have their back, and you can deal with it later. This often involves a hug and reassurance.

Advice – they are seeking your counsel on how to solve the problem or deal with the situation but they don’t need you to do anything other than provide input. They may or may not take your advice, but they want to know you are here to help.

Assistance – they cannot solve this problem alone and they need your help to solve it mutually, working together to resolve it. They are going to collaborate with you on solving the problem, they don’t need you to take 100% of it.

Action – they cannot deal with this problem right now and they need you to deal with it instead. They may not be able to help you deal with it, they need you to resolve it on their behalf.

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