This whole thing is wild as hell.

The fact that we can take a cheek swab from James Franco, another cheek swab from a deer, then grow those cells in a petri dish until they become a wad of James Franco/Venison Salami is just mind-boggling. But I have questions for you, Science. Several questions.

First and foremost: Just because you can do something… should you? It’s a question I find myself asking more and more often as reality continues to one-up science fiction on the insanity scale.

Second, BiteLabs is proposing that they grow human flesh and sell it for mass consumption. They essentially want to feed us miniature, non-sentient Kanye blobs. Does eating it count as cannibalism? Will the taste of human flesh spark an insatiable hunger deep within us and hurl us into a frenzy of murdering and eating each other?

Imagine if other food companies sink their teeth into this crazy technology. McDonald’s sold the Travis Scott Burger a little while back and it was a huge hit. Can we expect the next Travis Scott Burger to be made from actual ground Travis Scott meat?

Apparently, no celebrities have agreed to lend this company their cells… yet. But does BiteLabs even need their permission? Could they sneak into Jennifer Lawrence’s hotel room after she checks out, grab one of her stray hairs from a comb, and grow J-Law meat without even asking her first? I feel like we’re on the precipice of a whole slew of never-before-seen lawsuits involving the consent and manufacturing of celebrity flesh bratwursts.

Science needs to simmer down a scootch. Let us catch our breath for a minute. I’m still wrapping my head around the Slinkey and now we’re gathering around the grill to cook up some Miley Cyrus dogs. Lunacy. Madness. How does it go down the stairs all by itself? It’s a fucking spring.

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