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While shopping at Whole Foods over the weekend I was picking out a nice bottle of wine with my girlfriend and we stumbled across a lovely Ed Hardy Rose, a rare 2009 vintage to boot. We could not think of a better way to spend V-day than curled up with each other and a nice glass of Ed Hardy’s finest vino. If anyone knows wine, it’s Ed Hardy. Now to properly enjoy this delicate, yet complex wine, we decided to show you Chiver’s a step-by-step by process to the perfect pour:
Step 1.
Choose your Ed Hardy wine wisely. We chose a Rose because we were having cardboard and crayons for dinner and we thought this would be an excellent complement.
Step 2.
Remove foil cap. I highly recommend chewing on the foil to get a nice metallic taste in your mouth to clean your palette for the bliss to come.
Step 3.
Remove styrofoam cork carefully. I suggest doing this in the bathroom because you may piddle yourself with excitement.
Step 4.
Smell cork. Although not the classiest of moves, I feel you don’t get the full Ed Hardy experience without breaking some rules.
Step 5.
Gag. This is normal. Ed Hardy wine is like the finest aged Camembert de Normandy . It may smell like a corpse’s foot, but damn is it worth it!
Step 6.
Open Toilet.
Step 7.
CAREFULLY pour the Ed Hardy Rose into the toilet. If you accidentally spill the wine on your toilet rim or floor, you will have to evacuate your home forever. One drop of Ed Hardy Rose outside the safe confines of toilet water will kill everyone within a 10 mile radius. It makes VX gas look like a Shirley Temple mixed with Massengill.
Step 8.
Make sure every ounce of Rose is out of the bottle. Remember this bottle will be thrown away and we don’t want to contaminate your local landfill.
Step 9.
Flush.
Step 10.
Close toilet seat. You know the rules.
Step 11.
Throw away empty bottle. DO NOT RECYCLE. The last thing our society needs is anything else made from Ed Hardy. This douchebaggery has to stop somewhere -let it be with you.
[...] See the hilarity at The Chive… [...]
I wasn’t aware that Kool-Aid was fermentable.
I expected to see the wine dumped into a trash can filled full of smmedium sized Ed Hardy shirts.
[...] How to properly enjoy Ed Hardy wine: A photo series. [...]
LOL……DOING IT FOR THE COUNTRY!!!!!!
Gotta agree with whoever mentioned that this series of photos is a WIN. Nice work, Leo! I enjoyed every moment of it! (And I didn’t know who Ed Hardy was, either… so thanks to everyone for the information!)
This bit gives me hope and joy that the world isn’t coming to a flaming douchie end.
You just killed all the sewer crocodiles.
yesterday i went to go pick out my new glasses and i saw ed hardy glasses, one had a bunch of jewels and sparkles on it and i said, i can’t believe some asshole actually goes, wow these are the glasses for me and purchases them.
the lady behind the counter laughed and said, lots of people wish they could buy those but none can really afford them.
i said good, im glad broke ass thugs can’t become fake ass douches and she laughed.
oh, did she?
.~.
[...] to properly enjoy Ed Hardy wine Linkage. You come at the king, you best not miss. Reply With Quote + [...]
he should have taken a crap in there before flushing the toilet (just to fully experience the bouquet).
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I bet it tasted like vinegar
Leo, you rock!!! I just discovered Ed Hardy wine at our local World Market and couldn't stop laughing!!! Had no clue you could act, dress, smell AND now DRINK like a dbag!!! How freakin classy!!! But being the classy gal I am, I couldn't help myself and purchased a bottle of some "soft red blend." Hmmm sounds as fake as the orange tan on my skin. Not sure if E.H. wine is even made from grapes??? It should more appropriately be called guido juice! lol Anyway, we're bustin it out at work for a rainny day. Thanks for the post! *Fist pump*
I have never been so far even as decided to use go want to look more like…
Wasting Food! The new trend that's sweeping America!
I had the oprpotunity to have my photos taken by Angela Bergsma for her photography website and she was such an inspiration to me, the fact that she did that for a living definitely sparked an interest in it for me. You can see photos I took of Angelas Family HERE.