How to properly enjoy Ed Hardy wine (18 photos)

ed hardy wine 0 How to properly enjoy Ed Hardy wine (18 photos)
While shopping at Whole Foods over the weekend I was picking out a nice bottle of wine with my girlfriend and we stumbled across a lovely Ed Hardy Rose, a rare 2009 vintage to boot. We could not think of a better way to spend V-day than curled up with each other and a nice glass of Ed Hardy’s finest vino. If anyone knows wine, it’s Ed Hardy. Now to properly enjoy this delicate, yet complex wine, we decided to show you Chiver’s a step-by-step by process to the perfect pour:

Step 1.

Choose your Ed Hardy wine wisely. We chose a Rose because we were having cardboard and crayons for dinner and we thought this would be an excellent complement.
ed hardy wine 1 How to properly enjoy Ed Hardy wine (18 photos)

ed hardy wine 2 How to properly enjoy Ed Hardy wine (18 photos)

Step 2.

Remove foil cap. I highly recommend chewing on the foil to get a nice metallic taste in your mouth to clean your palette for the bliss to come.
ed hardy wine 4 How to properly enjoy Ed Hardy wine (18 photos)

Step 3.

Remove styrofoam cork carefully. I suggest doing this in the bathroom because you may piddle yourself with excitement.
ed hardy wine 5 How to properly enjoy Ed Hardy wine (18 photos)

ed hardy wine 6 How to properly enjoy Ed Hardy wine (18 photos)

ed hardy wine 7 How to properly enjoy Ed Hardy wine (18 photos)

Step 4.

Smell cork. Although not the classiest of moves, I feel you don’t get the full Ed Hardy experience without breaking some rules.
ed hardy wine 8 How to properly enjoy Ed Hardy wine (18 photos)

Step 5.

Gag. This is normal. Ed Hardy wine is like the finest aged Camembert de Normandy . It may smell like a corpse’s foot, but damn is it worth it!
ed hardy wine 9 How to properly enjoy Ed Hardy wine (18 photos)

Step 6.

Open Toilet.
ed hardy wine 10 How to properly enjoy Ed Hardy wine (18 photos)

Step 7.

CAREFULLY pour the Ed Hardy Rose into the toilet. If you accidentally spill the wine on your toilet rim or floor, you will have to evacuate your home forever. One drop of Ed Hardy Rose outside the safe confines of toilet water will kill everyone within a 10 mile radius. It makes VX gas look like a Shirley Temple mixed with Massengill.
ed hardy wine 11 How to properly enjoy Ed Hardy wine (18 photos)
ed hardy wine 12 How to properly enjoy Ed Hardy wine (18 photos)

Step 8.

Make sure every ounce of Rose is out of the bottle. Remember this bottle will be thrown away and we don’t want to contaminate your local landfill.
ed hardy wine 13 How to properly enjoy Ed Hardy wine (18 photos)

Step 9.

Flush.
ed hardy wine 14 How to properly enjoy Ed Hardy wine (18 photos)

ed hardy wine 15 How to properly enjoy Ed Hardy wine (18 photos)

Step 10.

Close toilet seat. You know the rules.
ed hardy wine 16 How to properly enjoy Ed Hardy wine (18 photos)

Step 11.

Throw away empty bottle. DO NOT RECYCLE. The last thing our society needs is anything else made from Ed Hardy. This douchebaggery has to stop somewhere -let it be with you.
ed hardy wine 17 How to properly enjoy Ed Hardy wine (18 photos)

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  • bowhuntpa

    alcohol abuse!!!!

  • uberbrie

    You can’t just throw away a collectors piece like that…

    Also an ed hardy shirt should actual cost is about $5 and sells for $150 so it stands to reason that bottle cost about $10 (start-up costs being factored into the price) so using Hardynomics that’s like a $300 bottle

  • WilliamMunny

    Not since ‘Ed Hardy- The Fragrance’ (now you can look AND smell like a douchebag) have I been so disturbed.

  • Mustafa_Beer

    Alternate to Step 9… Place fresh octopus in bowl ( or a fresh tampon) and leave lid up.
    Step 10 , Run back into party gagging and blaming the girl who was in the bathroom before you!

  • top dog

    Who the hell is Ed Hardy? This guy must be a real scum bag, douchebag in this case, but hey!!…..I’ll take either.

    • seaninc

      It’s sad to see how the great tattoo artist’s name has been tarnished by Christian Audigere and all those douchebags.

      • Chris Poole

        The worst part about it is all the people who have no idea who Ed Hardy is and just assume HE’S the douchebag that created the line of clothing/everything else imaginable. If anyone took the time to research about who he is and what this motherfucker Christian Audigier has done in order to cash in on his name, they’d be even more disgusted.

        For the curious minds, research a little bit on Ed Hardy (pre-douchebaggery) and Sailor Jerry. You’ll be opened up to the wonderful world of old school tattoo art and the history of a culture.

  • DFG

    Ed Hardy shirts are incredibly ugly

  • at work

    hahaha nice work! just interested, but how much is a bottle of that wine? cause u just threw it away..

  • LOL

    Leo: #1 I like your shoes…look comfortable.
    #2 Closer picture of the blue baby thing in the picture on your wall please? What the hell is that on its head?

    Thank you. 😉 Happy belated ❤ day to y'all.

    • isawoj

      +1, we need a better shot of that blue baby picture behind you in the first pic.

      • Allena VanWerkhoven

        Looks like it is dressed as blue whale…

  • vitorla

    HAHAHAHA This is hysterical. Well-played. If Gaston from Beauty and the Beast was roaming the earth today, I would bet anything he would be wearing an Ed Hardy shirt. Chive Win.

    • kevguy

      i don't think he ever roamed the earth.

  • Verona

    That is the funniest thing EVER!!! Ed Hardy can jump off a bridge with all their douchbagery! Love you Chive!

  • Jeff

    You just sent Ed Hardy some money. You lose.

  • theGuy

    I bet the taste is similar to that of three penis wine.

  • punkuhr

    The blue thing is a pierce of art by a artist that was actually featured on thechive awhile ago. Look around thechive and you will find it.

  • Phill

    $11.99. Worth every penny to get it off the shelves.

  • HellHathNoFury

    This is probably the funniest thing ever. No wonder you guys own the internets. Plus, Leo’s a raging hottie.

  • bubble_rider86

    agreed…. 😉

  • Cleveland

    OSHA would be all over this one… Everyone knows you cant engage an Ed Hardy wine with out the federally approved sunglasses and anti-fade construction orange body coating

  • Leo

    Thanks ladies -very sweet of you!

    The artist featured in the Whale Boy photo behind me is Bobby Chiu, and he is badass. See more of his work here:

    http://thechive.com/2009/01/03/artist-bobby-chiu-is-more-creative-than-you-24-photos/

    • HellHathNoFury

      Yay, thanks! I’m off to give money to starving artists.

    • ladyguitarstar

      lol@ your christian bale american psycho gravatar!

  • Graz

    Nice post. It still amazes me that there are people that believe that something as insipid as this Ed Hardy crap is cool. Oh well, one consolation is that Ed Hardy-har- har will soon be considered stale, but then we’ll have to see other equally lame crap put forth as cool.

  • Thomas Sinnamond

    Ed Hardy is a traditional tattoo artist with a long history of respect in the industry. At least with some folks. His work bores the living shit out of me personally, but in context there are a lot of young tattooers that owe him a great deal. As he is one of the forefathers of the traditional tattoo movement. I still thinks its repetitive and frankly kind of ugly. But that’s neither here nor there. Somewhere along the way, he licensed his name to a designer who has been the one responsible for pumping out all of this douchebag lifestyle fare. So, really its him you should lynch. That’s not to say that Ed Hardy doesn’t deserve some criticism here as well tho. As for this thread, He shouldn’t have returned that shit to the water cycle. Maybe he should have just left it entombed in the bottle forever.

    • Yoder

      Christian Audigier is to blame for the douchebaggery, not Don ‘Ed’ Hardy.

    • http://fallofhalcyon.wordpress.com fallofhalcyon

      “He shouldn’t have returned that shit to the water cycle. Maybe he should have just left it entombed in the bottle forever.”
      ZING!

  • Dean Brower

    This is the greatest thing I have ever seen

  • Joey Jojo

    That’s great. I just have one question. Who the hell is Ed Hardy?

  • Mattythegooch

    Thank you, Yoder!! Thomas Sinnamond is now a Dbag for making me read that, when we all know that Christian is the devil for putting that shit out on the market. IDEA….buy a bottle of Sailor Jerry rum and tape to label on a white tshirt!! Classier and smells better too.

    • HellHathNoFury

      Sailor Jerry’s Spiced FTW

    • Thomas Sinnamond

      Hmmm. Yeah, I gotta agree with Mattythegooch there. I forgot how dumb everyone who posts online is. And for this oversight, I AM a “Dbag”. My bad. As you were…

  • Jack

    Yeah guys being wasteful is like so awesome lololol

  • Onyx

    But if you flush it down the toilet doesn’t it just get into the ground water supply eventually? Like perscription meds?

    How would it work as an engine degreaser I wonder?

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