The 10 Dumbest Reviews of Classic Movies (10 Photos)

This great list brought to you via the good people over at

  • mattythegooch

    I'm no scholar but,……..I'm having "problems" reading the reviews superimposed on to the picture.

    • jason in pc

      take your mouse and hi light the text, like your going to copy and paste. works great. i figured this out on the brigade, they always do it too.

    • XOS

      whew…thought i was the only one havin trouble reading …..

    • Bob

      Trying zooming in (Ctrl + in FF and IE)

    • facebook

      what? o_O

  • mipo2010

    #7, Hey Joe, Whaddya say in bout 5 years we do dis movie about a Vegas Casino…I'll be da boss and you be my muscle… Ok Rob, sounds good. Ray, you can f*ck yourself over here…..Fuhgedabudidd!!!

    • Gordon of Hesselink


  • TCB12

    #7 & #10 are 2 of my all-time favorite movies.

    movie critics suck

    • Kio

      If Shawshank is one of your favourites, you're not a credible critic either.

      • D.C

        @TCB12: Ditto
        @Kio: Fuck you

      • billrules

        If Shawshank isn't one of your favorites, you are mentally deficient.

      • snywarf

        Kio your a fucking indy hipster.. or emo

      • JstevensF

        If you can't appreciate what can only be described as the pure genius of Shawshank Redemption not only are you not a crebile critic but nor are you a credible human Kio.

  • Patrick

    ur not Cracked … stick to what you are good at.

    • Shoestring

      Well played.

    • ThisONE


  • Jack I

    IMO the Psycho review is perfect. Hitchcock was looking for that response. The chocolate syrup spilling down the drain was a lot to handle at the time.

  • Brent Verwymeren

    Shawshank is one of my favorite movies! a sure masterpiece from screenplay, camera operation, cinematography, directing, editing and the acting which is absolutely incredible! It is extremely rare to find a movie as raw and breathtaking as this one these days…I've seen this movie over and over and it still manages to leave me in awe every time!

  • John Whitsel

    Each of these critics should have lost their jobs after the opening weekends of these movies.

    • Obbaj

      yeah, 'cause god forbid critics critique something off of their opinion of the film, amirite?

  • Frankie Muniz

    Raising the bullshit flag here. Big was released 3 years after the review was written.

    Nice try.

    • McBeastie

      That and the review is pretty spot on.

    • Matt

      Actually the original reveiw can be seen on the Chicago Reader's website. Perhaps someone mixed up the dates when they referenced the original review.

  • jason in pc

    take your mouse and hi light the text, like your going to copy and paste. works great. i figured this out on the brigade, they always do it too.

  • fasterthanu

    Film critics are just pretentious c*nts

    • rightontime

      only about as much as film fans(i am one, so yes, that includes me).

  • Ron

    Copy, paste, copy paste. Is that all the "workers" at theChive do?

    • Brian

      and yet you're still here.

      • Cholo

        HAHAHAHAH, SOOOO CLEVER. shut the fuck up.

    • okawesome

      Jealous. Cuz I know I am.

    • jason in pc

      actually i figure they scour the internets for funny shit and bring it to one central place. dealing wit hthe shitty pop up ads and virus riddled websites so i dont have to. although my work computer is a brick at best and recently the f#cking ads on the chive are getting outta hand. i just wished they would back off a little bit on the ads but it is still not as bad as the brigade! my sh!t just freezes the f#ck up from the amount of pop ups over there.

      • Randy

        Ad Block Plus

        • jeff

          chive make a posting of how much "ron" sucks at life….

          • fejjj

            awww, but you're the one who's earned it…….

    • vince

      no….they also have daily meetings to discuss whether to ban ungrateful idiots like you from their site.

  • aosux

    Here's the deal. Critics are pointless. Enough said.

  • Rolis

    it goes to show you dont listen to the critics

  • nomad78

    s so thrill-packed you don’t have time to breathe or to enjoy yourself much, either.” – Pauline Kael, The New Yorker June 15, 1981
    She got paid to write things like that? But of course you should not have time to breathe: It s an action movie stupid bitch!

    • V4Vendetta14

      Self-righteous C@nt! A movie that was too exciting? That's why I like Rotten Tomatoes. You get to see end-user reviews as well as reviewers. Sometimes reviewers give crappy ratings, but the average movie goer thought it was great. Paid reviewers forget that each movie doesn't have to be a Cannes film movie. And they take their own opinion way too seriously.

  • mca

    It insits on itself.

    • Nastee

      I liked the money pit.

    • TitoRigatoni

      "what? what does that even mean?"

  • nemesis

    #6 "Why am I not having fun?"

    Because you're dead inside.

  • Shoestring

    To say don't listen to the critic is B.S. Just dont listen to one, or find one that you usually agree with. I find that 7 out 10 times Rotten Tomatoes or Metacritic has a movie over 85% I usually enjoy it or can at least find creativity in it.

  • Stafferty

    Film critics are only meant to be a guide. Looking at metacritic, it has "Sideways" (Paul Giamatti), "Hard Days Night" (Great album, horrible movie) and Rattituolle rated better than Taxi Driver, Raging Bull, Fellowship of the RIng, and Schindler's List.

  • kmd

    critics suck, I don't even know why people listen to them… can't people make up their own minds?

    Chive should post a list of critics praising shitty movies.

    • nemesis

      Yes. That is what they should do.

      Good grief.

  • Brand_n

    #8 – I don't agree with the review, but the book was definitely better. The wife in the book is blonde and hot, whereas the scariest thing in the movie is Shelley Duvall…

    • Biggus Diccus

      I watch that movie only because Jacks performance is awesome

    • McBeastie

      The book is a great book and the movie is a great movie. Two different mediums that need to have different approaches to storytelling, which is why they are different.

      • nurseshark

        well done for pointing out that books and films are different. movies should put into film what you imagine while reading the book. the most important critic of all is Stephen King himself, who slated this film. he believed kubrick ruined his take on the book. i'd say if any book writer slates the film version of their own creation then it's pretty definitive that the film is crap

        • McBeastie

          King was also out of his mind on drugs and alcohol and has since retracted the statement…especially after his version came out. And whose mind exactly are we to base the movie on? I'm sure every reader has a different imagining of the story when reading it…which goes back to my original point. Books are a different medium and it's pointless to judge movies against the books they are based on because of that fact. Writers are also very, very possessive about their work and cannot stand back from their baby long enough to see the differences are made to make the film better…so I wouldn't take the writers bashing of the film as "definitive" proof that the film is crap.

      • therewasshrinkage

        then the movie shouldnt be called The Shining. The book is about a boy and his powers and a father who goes mad from his previous mistakes and succumbs to the will of the hotel. The movie is about a man who gets cabin fever and has a son who likes to use his hand as an imaginary friend.

  • chrisdg74

    #6 – Watched it over the weekend.
    "Yippie ki-ay motherfucker."

    • andy

      I prefer the edited-for-tv version of this line better: "Yippie ki-ay, Mr. Falcon!"

      • My Dogs Balls

        only on TBS. i saw that Conan too

      • Randy

        USA Network's edit version is the best… "Yippie ki-ay, melon farmer!"

  • MeisterMon

    Critics get one out of ten right!

    How can you bash ESB or Shawshank… were they watching the same movie I was???

    F'em… F'em all

  • FixedinDC

    #9 Empire is a work of art.

  • Dan

    It's times like this when I wish I could thumbs down actual pics and not just comments. For instance, #2 #7 #10 all get thumbs down

    • schango

      It's times like these that I am glad I can thumbs down comments. For instance this…

  • GTO

    anyone that doesnt like Shawshank Redemption should take their own life like Warden Norton


    • Gabriela Robyn Miranda

      This just made me laugh lol

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