Daily Afternoon Randomness (47 Photos)

  • Brother Maynard

    DAR is late. #47 I accept your apology Chive.


      Used TinEye to reverse look up where #47 came from and I think I found heaven on the internet… http://www.funtasticus.com/2011/01/11/tooshie-tue

      • crh

        thank you kind sir for sharing this awesome piece of info!

      • Guesty

        That site is actually chuck full of goodness… Daily reading over there!

        • T-Moze

          Looks more like Chive, Inc. You know, when a corporation gets ahold of a great grass-roots idea and tries to replicate it purely for profit, but it ends up being a sterilized version.

    • financial aids
      • JAFitC

        Yo, dude? Go away.

    • Who Knows

      I can die happy now!

      • I do

        …or you can just die. that works too.

    • Christian Lander

      Stuff White People Like # 81, Punctuality

      If you have any experience making plans with white people, you already know they are very serious about being on time. In fact, they are so serious about it that they often show up early. If you tell a white person to meet you at 7 P.M., they will be there at 6:55 P.M.

      If you have ever shown up late for an appointment with a white person, you likely believe that they are very understanding and laid-back people when it comes to punctuality. Nothing could be further from the truth.
      On average, white people will complain about your rudeness once every thirty seconds beyond the agreed-upon meeting time. If they are alone they will complain to other friends via email or text message; if they are with another white person they will talk back and forth about how rude you are for wasting their time. When you finally arrive, they will act as though nothing is wrong, and no matter how late you show up, they will pretend everything is fine!
      This ability to pretend everything is fine even though they are filled with anger and hate is one of the most important skills for survival in a white family. You learn at a young age that disagreement and confrontation will lead to fights and, worse, elimination from the will.
      "You're right, Grandpa, immigrants are destroying this country. How many square feet is this place again?"
      If you want to reduce some of the built-up aggression, just tell the white person, "I'm sorry about being late. I'm on [insert ethnicity] time." This will make white people feel as though they have been let in on an ethnic joke, like when they watch a Chris Rock Comedy special.

      • mackeya

        Read exactly the first line. ;

      • nate

        if it aint white, it aint right…sorry bro

      • McBeastie

        First I do not think you are the Christian Lander from the blog "stuff white people like" so you're just plagiarizing shit from the internet and second even if you are Mr. Lander you are still not clever so stop it.

  • perk

    #42 way to go Patty

    • Mangina

      Cool story bro.

      • Mangina

        I wasn't being sarcastic, it actually is a cool story.

      • Capt Obvious

        I would hope that even if Patty wasn't loosing weight and your left nut started to swell, that you would have had sense enough to get the damn thing looked at any way.

    • Glizz

      I'd give my left nut to help someone like that… aw.. shit.

      • SweetAwesomeness

        wow…never have i ever been so happy to hear a story about a guy getting one of his balls removed!!

        is there anything the Chive can't do?!!?

    • Patrick M.

      Wow. Yeah, that was pretty cool. It's not every day you have the opportunity to touch someone's life like that. 🙂

      • Jak

        It sounds like you touched more than his lfe. Wait, no, it's gotta be your bull.

    • somethingcreative

      This blew my mind! it's so sad. I decided to get mine checked yesterday too!

      • Fred

        Me too. My wife said it tasted fine though. All good!

        • McBeastie

          And by "wife" he means his golden retriever.

          • Fred

            No, your mom only come over to rim me.

    • RiHugh

      I have a similar story about how the Chive has changed my life. Remember the pic with the fat chick who has flies all up in her ass crack? Well it got me thinking about my own ass hygiene and I began to devote an extra 7 seconds to really wiping my ass super good after each dump. It has paid off in spades. No more ass flies for me and let me tell you, the stink is almost completely gone! Hello new life! Thanks Chive!

      • Troll of Truth

        My motto is "1 more wipe for cleanliness"

      • Quicktim

        How about you have some fucking compassion and avoid a cheap chuckle to yourself you insufferable jackass. Some guy found out he had cancer and will avoid a horrible disease. Just go away dude…seriously.

        • RiHugh


          I am so sorry, I feel so foolish. I didn't realize I had posted on OprahWinfrey.com. I thought this was the Chive. Its a webpage that makes fun of human trafficking, lady boys, pedophilia, drug use and tits. You can imagine how bad I felt when I realized I had insulted the patron saint of chubby white guys. Maybe the Chive can put a black armband icon or maybe a crying pony picture somewhere in the corner of the posts I'm not allowed to be sarcastic about. I'm going to go light a candle for you and your vagina and for that poor, poor man who finally had the courage to take care of his own body after 35 years .

          • ShakeyTheMoyle

            Your sarcasm is masterly….I salute you!

            • The Pict

              Wait! Does Oprahwinfrey.com have picture of boobs and butts, and awesome randomness too?

          • McBeastie

            Hey! We do not make fun of tits!

            • Landon

              you're not clever. go away,

        • Come on now

          what? compassion? the chive has a fictional inter-species pedohiple as one of it's mascots……

          • Come on now


            • sigh

              I like the sound of pedohipple…

        • ManofPie

          Quicktim – you're quite the pussy – did you know this from early on when you attempted to go as a vagina for Halloween as a young lad, or when you cried on the way home after your callous manager at Burger King booted you out of his car after you gave him "the worst of worst gummies he's ever had!"?

          I guess it to be both.

    • doh

      I think Patty's feeling his own testicles now… maybe closer than usual anyways!!

    • fibonacc5150

      glad you noticed it early, you'll be alright man! Same thing I got in highschool

    • Lythe

      Once again the Chive is saving lives. God Bless The Chive! CHIVE ON

    • poseidon

      I am the one who wrote this note to Patty. I thank him and the Chive with utmost sincerity. I think they have helped me catch this much earlier then I would of otherwise. I have enjoyed reading all the comments written, even the joking ones, laughter is helping me feel better. I still have further test to go to make sure that I am now free of cancer and not spread anywhere else, but thanks to Patty and the Chive I think it was caught early.
      Crazy thing is I got so much on this health kick and working out the last few weeks I cant wait to get back to the Gym. I cant even do light cardio for 3 weeks and then no lifting for a couple weeks later then that. But I plan on getting back into a work out routine as soon as the doctor clears me to do so.

      • Honey Bone


        You the man. I had cancer five years ago and it took awhile but I got my life back. In fact, its better now than it was before I was sick. why? Because people who have been through this thing realize time and life is precious. there is very little to be frightened of after you have kicked cancer's ass into next week.

        I wish you well. Chive On,


      • Hugh

        Good luck man. Way to not let this drag you down, when it could so easily. Fight on.

        Chive on.


      • RiHugh

        Dude, I was just goofing around. Of course I am a compassionate human being and wish you the best of luck. My son was 5 when he was diagnosed with leukemia and we fought it for 5 years. He is all grown up and doing well, completely cured. It was brutal to spend that much time in and out of the hospital and seeing other little kids who did not fair as well.

        My comment was meant to take a little poke at how we can go from such base and crude humor here on the site and then switch gears mid-stream to a tender, life changing Patty post. Then when the other dude flipped his lid, well that was just me screwing with him for my own personal entertainment. Be cool, hang tough and you will be fine. Also your pants are gonna fit a lot better with just one ball! Silver lining dude.

    • SinisteRtheWickeD

      I'm a 310# man who wants to take Patty's fine example to heart, but now I'm of what I may Find.
      J/K, Way to Go PATTY !

    • WayToGoPatty!

      Patty for President!

    • poseidon

      I dont know if anyone is following this thread but if you are I wanted to give an update. It was a cancerous tumor that was removed. it was 5x2x1.8 cm or the size of a stack of 35 pennies. I had thought I caught it early but the size suggest otherwise. I under went a lot more testing after the biopsy report had come back, cat scans body x rays. Everything came back clean now. Because of the size I have a 30% chance of having cancer again so to reduce the chance I will have to undergo between 14-20 radiation treatments to the affected area. With the high dosage my remaining testicle will no longer function. I am looking into storing my sperm before I start radiation treatments and have an appointment for consultation on Thursday in Jacksonville Fl.

      • poseidon

        I have been applying for financial assistance to many charities to help with my bills. If you are anyone else has cancer go to the livestrong.org website, they have been emailing me and putting me in contact with a lot of great people. Yesterday I did a telephone conference call with a foundation they use to help them and different charities to see if I qualify for help. I am still trying to stay in a good state of mind but it is not always working. Thanks everyone for your support and chive on……Matt

  • Brother Maynard

    #14 is butt ugly from any angle.

    • Surf and Snow


    • Urban

      How many beers would it take?
      Number of THUMS Up represents number of beers ————————————————–

      • kodakkid

        we need to be able to thumb it more than once

        • cantkillcastro

          I think add all the thumbs from all the replies too, Ug.. Sorry, but women like that are what wingmen are for!

          • Stevo

            any wingman that takes that, gets a burial in Arlington, full honors.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Steve-Shaw/669440656 Steve Shaw

        Beer? There isn't enough. Tequila maybe.

      • yup

        52 so far. In other words: After a massive alcohol poisoning and very likely death.

    • starin1

      im conflicted because after seen hump day posts butts arent that ugly

    • Malkintosh22


  • Random

    #28 – worth the wait on today's DAR

    • financial aids
      • whinerbitcher

        But with #28 you can tell she has a pretty face, the other girl could be a horse.

  • Bob


    Kill it. Kill it with fire!

    • Um, what?

      Standard vampire rules. Stake it, behead it, then kill it with fire. Always in that order.

    • ManofPie

      Shoot her! Shhhhooooooot herrrrr!

  • HankT

    #28 and #47…Thank you Chive for a glorious end to Hump Day

  • zman

    #28 Hump day Rules!!!

    • some guy


  • Bob

    Ninja cat… You're already dead.

    • Shaggy

      don't know why it never occurred to me before that cats eat squirrels

      • http://www.facebook.com/pcribaudo Pete Ribaudo

        actually its magic cat. he just forgot his rings at home this day.

  • Frank

    I'd grab a bit of that ass #24

    • financial aids
      • Mangina

        I want you to go away, forever.

        • its_forge

          Yeah sure wish he'd quit signing your posts with the url of some other web site I wouldn't be interested in unless they paid me $100 a day or something.

          • its_forge

            your, his, yeah that

    • dasuperfan

      i don't think something that tasty is gonna be on the dollar menu… but hey its worth a shot

    • Frank's Mum

      I'm not bailing you out of jail again.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Keith-Piscitelli/1211787995 Keith Piscitelli

    #43 so I went out for a bite to eat…

    • Phondo

      and got yourself a nice, long, juicy weiner?

  • nick339123

    What is this? I dont even

  • Bud

    Love the shoulder freckles #28

    • Belaruss

      I concur.

    • its_forge

      That's a really cute nose too.

    • Sick

      freckles. nose. oh, I see them now

    • Badfish

      Oh man, that pic is a good one! Nice freckles!

      Love that style of underwear, too.

  • KMD

    Something tells me this one might be from the ol Red River Valley……..

    • KMD

      Spose this would help #29

  • neefgeefd

    #47 a very worthy ending

    • DOOD

      If you stare at it for a little while, it will start jiggling.

  • JohnQ

    #43 gahdamn, i wanna bite that awesome poop machine!

    • Urban

      You like soft serve?

    • Mick

      I lol'd for 5 minutes at that.

  • V.A.

    #27 followed by #28. Total win.

  • Jayavc

    #43 #44 CHIVE WIN!

    • Moob

      State obvious, get thumbs up.

  • http://www.facebook.com/rjpark720 Richard Park

    #44 i wonder if barney chives

    • Nautical D

      well NPH is gay so i'm thinking not all of the posts would float his boat
      but Chiver or not, he still rocks

      • nikki

        what does being gay have to do with being a chiver? as a chivette, i certainly don't keep coming back every day just for the boob and ass posts

        • Oh Nikki

          Gay people can't see The Chive, it's just invisible to them.

        • the chive

          pwned again by the chive. NPH likes it, #43 is a man, man!

        • Nautical D

          I know, that's what I meant by not all the posts being to his liking.
          Anyway friday photobombs are my favourite Chive post
          Dont worry, he very well may still be a chiver!

      • Sizzle

        Agree with Nikki. Straight girls love the Chive minus all the T&A. I'm sure gay dudes do, too.

        • Catch

          Well, even the straightest of girls is at least quarter lesbian. Most straight chicks I know tend to spend more time talking about how attractive some random woman is than almost any straight male.

    • aosux

      He's on the berry

    • Freddy Mercury

      i doubt it, isn't he supposed to be cool?

  • martin

    there's a lot of great ass in today's DAR but i would like to point out the awesomeness that is #3

    • Brendan

      Do want

    • financial aids

      these are win.

    • its_forge

      Peanut Blossoms. Believe they were a Pillsbury Bake-Off winner from about 1965 or so.

    • Mick

      My girlfriend makes these for me. She is full of YES

      • Grumble

        And full of me, too, as of last night.

        • Horsti

          not funny

  • pyrocyz

    #5 looks like she might want to cheat on you with your friend

    • topher

      Have being cheated on before I have this to say: I fucking hate cheaters

      • Troll of Truth

        Cheating is usually a good indication that they don't wanna be with you anymore. So just kick 'em to the curb and get you another.

        • Goober

          That's like saying suicide is a good indication that someone is having a bad day.

    • BobSugar

      This is "her" not giving a fuck?

      • Ken

        She doesn't seem to be oozing remorse, does she?

    • Zooropa

      She appears to be out of that hipster's league anyway.

      • Jak

        Well, she's gunna be out of his league with STD's if she keeps up that shit.

    • scottydo

      yeah I banged her

      • scottydon't

        hahaha, the funny part is where you imply you've had sex.

    • Sharkay

      Meh she looks like a major skank anyway. Wouldn't bang her with a 10 ft. pole.

      • cantkillcastro

        Go lay some pipe with the 3 best friends she has, then send her the tape.

    • Rukus

      That's a pic of Frieda Rose. I doubt the submitter even knows her IRL.

      • Catch

        ultimate skank sleuth.

  • http://www.myspace.com/leeroynowandlater bob the builder

    Weak Sauce!

    • dennis

      some DAR's are better than others. you picked a pretty bad one for 'weak sauce'. mostly b/c this one was borderline epic.
      #2, #5, #47

  • sully23

    #43 and #47 Long Live HUMP DAY!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Holly-Sands/1666982036 Holly Sands

    #9 Cat armour… Yup, We are all fucked.

    • Johnny

      original Battle Cat

    • Shaggy

      good luck trying to get him to wear that shit.

      • ryan

        duct tape can solve that problem

    • Question

      Is armor for bears just called bearmor?

  • JohnQ

    #16 bitch looks dangerous.. challenge accepted

  • aldog

    its right in front of you too.

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