Daily Afternoon Randomness (49 Photos)

  • professor Paul


    They're getting more retarded.

    • ZachBob

      and you're getting older.

      • bab

        i guess -13 helps prove the fucking retarded bit…no folks he's getting younger, he's managed to catapult the speed of light and reverse the arrow of time

    • lonin

      by the minute

    • Captlazarus

      Good news everyone, now I will have TMBG stuck in my head. "You're older than you've ever been and now you're even older…"

      • God

        No one actually cares. I would know.

        • Dog

          I care.

          • God

            Holy shit, a talking dog?

            • http://gfys.org troll alert

              God is a troll

              • God

                You must be some sort of Sherlock Holmes' descendent.

                • Jesus

                  You should know…

        • http://gfys.org trolll alert

          he don't know shit, he's a troll

        • FuGuesty

          Transparent Troll is Transparent.

          • kiwi

            get it beacause god i transparent because is nonexist

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001225731219 HellHath NoFury

      And we're raising them. FFFFUUUUUU

      • God

        You're crazy, lol, no one would have kids with you.

        • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001225731219 HellHath NoFury

          Too late, I already have an offspring to pass my psychosis on to.
          Remember: homework first, THEN thesis.

          • God

            Hmmm, satan must be punking me again.

            • http://gfys.org troll alert

              god trolling

              • God

                Thanks, I have a lot of practice.

                • Sploooge

                  why are people trying so hard to be like Paula?

                  • God

                    I fucking created Paula you cunt.

                    • Sploooge

                      The position of troller has been taken. Be gone.

                      Team Paula FTW

                      Btw you don't need to reset your modem 3 times to thumb me down, jack ass!

                    • God

                      No, it's not me, people just hate you.

                    • http://gfys.org troll alert

                      Guesty = God = Troll

      • EdWood

        Hey. Where the HellHath you been.
        Nice to see you back.

        • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001225731219 HellHath NoFury

          Pretending to be a responsible adult, but then I realized how much it sucks.

          • EdWood

            Yeah, I know
            Didn't workout for me either.
            Anyway, glad your back.

            • DaddyD


              • Website

                Not in the least glad, just thought I'd put it out there on the table.

                • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001225731219 HellHath NoFury

                  My drink? Thanks!

                  • Website

                    Nope, my sizable genitalia, but good guess.

                • _bigdeal


          • JDub

            agreed, good to see you back

      • Third Eye

        OG Chiver right here. welcome back.

        Chris Farley———————————————————————————————————–>

    • The_Marc

      A little from Column A, a little from Column B…

  • micah


    that girl is sporting one helluva smile imho

    • Andre Dawson, #8 CC

      what a hottie!

    • Andre Dawson, #8 CC

      ur not fuckin kidding- if you've ever "broken up" on facebook you're definitely a retard!

    • That cool guy

      She's also an actress BTW => http://www.imdb.com/name/nm3545525/ And definitely HOT !

    • NAACP

      I HOPE to see that ASA…..

      See what I did there?

      • ROK247

        its cooler if you don't have to ask yourself whut u did thar

    • Azazel

      Cute, just asa hoped she would be!

    • shmeckylembeck

      Is this the same Asa Hope from 2001 Maniacs: Field of Screams?

    • Ramtard Robinson

      I bet her pussy tastes like hope.

    • Makes No Excuses

      there is no place to hide in the land of the intranets…. but yeah she is adorable

      • EdWood

        Thank You Mister Admin !
        Please keep it up !

    • Quasipickle

      MOAR! 1000 times MOAR!

    • http://cantosph.com mrniceash

      ASA is a Filipino word for HOPE. whatever…

  • MigraineBoy

    #1 Wondering what they'll do to their kids.

    • llano2

      The doves were photoshopped out.

      • Twist It Flip It

        The shops were photodoved out.

        • its_forge


    • http://twitter.com/gsqrd @gsqrd

      Or see #4. LoL

    • Juan Juan

      #41 is shopped.

    • JDub

      hopefully the same thing! see #4

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002276686696 Ashlee Smith

      Go look up the baby yoga lady from cracked…

  • Ted


    one of the most dangerous jobs out on the field. As a soldier, it's hard even hearing stories about what those guys do. Stay safe out there.

    (and props to the chive for posting this kind of stuff. one of the big reasons I love this site, it has a heart.)

    • http://yourmom.com APPLE

      Good luck Sam!


      • kater

        fuck soldiers, everywhere, if they go to aggressive war

    • Bud Lee

      A friend of mine has the same MO…he was in 4 explosions in one month. The last one banged him up pretty good but he will heal up soon enough. Thanks for your service Sam.

      • USB

        Damn dude, way to be a buzzkill

    • thederwood

      Totally agree. Thanks for your sacrifice, Sam. And thanks for the post, Chive. Keep it up.

    • MAX-POW

      This guy has mayor balls…..that most of us don't have….have a safe deployment

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001225731219 HellHath NoFury

        If he had mayor balls, he wouldn't need a job.
        Major balls, yes.

        • Hich

          *Salutes* Major Balls.

          You have our prayers, Sam. Thanks for your service.

    • Dude


      Hahaha, what a dream job lol!!

      Seriously, WTF man? When i grow up i want to find bombs!! or kill 3rd country poor people.

      • God

        It sometimes bums me out that people like Sam have to go out there and risk their lives for assholes like you, while you sit here and get fat in your mom's basement without having to fear that someone might carbomb whatever place you do your forever alone activities in.

        • Dude

          Lol, there is no reason at all that this idiot Sam should risk his life for anything. USA should leave other countries alone. Killing is never the answer. National defense is fine but Oil hunting is not.

          The only good thing the army does is raise the global IQ, thanks Sam for raising the global IQ with your sacrifice.

          • God

            Jon Stewart, you?

          • Nickincollege

            You think national defense is fine but go on and disrespect our military?

          • Steamboat Willie

            Ok… we should stop giving aid to all of the countries that need it too. So the next time there is famine in Africa or a tsunami in south east Asia they can turn to the E.U. for help.

          • CPLb

            Marines…get it right.

        • Dude

          God is your username??

          Haha, yes God loves War, it's true, killing is what he does best.

          • God

            Actually, banging your mom is what I do best, contrary to popular belief. Ask her. Also, I want my heavenly robes back and they better be folded this time.

        • http://gfys.org troll alert

          Dude an God
          are both the same troll.
          they are not two assholes, it's just one asshole.

          • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001225731219 HellHath NoFury

            So close to being a fantastic haiku!

          • God

            You are incorrect, but nice try, troll police. Anyone with half a brain would determine that Dude is a fucking amateur compared to my trolling repertoire.

      • kal el

        when u fucking grow up u little shit. keep up sam stay safe

    • John

      I am Canadian but sure do stand behind all of you guys 100%. Thanks, good luck and Chive On. Stay safe and get back home to your girl as soon as possible.

      • Dude

        Yeah you voted for Harper right, then go join the army and look for bombs.

        • fredfender

          D(ouche)ude Mom said to get off the computer and clean your room or she's not pre-ordering you the Battlefield 3 for your 36th birthday party!

        • The Real Dude

          Quit defacing my good name asshole

      • USB

        Canadians kickass too

        • El Duderino

          When? Outside of hockey…

    • Dude

      "It carries a high death rate"

      Hmmm… maybe i should change jobs… lol

      • Josh

        I teach Marines like this guy for a living. I know him and his type very, very well. He's not stupid, and there is no better job to him. EOD and Engineers are, every single one of them, highly-intelligent, highly-motivated, huge-balled winners who do this because they HATE SEEING OTHERS DIE. That is what keeps them going; their love for their fellow soldiers and marines, their love for their families, their desire to see their countrymen safely through whatever shit they end up in. They do it for relatively little pay, and at huge personal risk. They choose to do this; they have the heart and guts to put others first, and they're ready to make the ultimate sacrifice to protect even you, little man.

      • justsomeguy

        For what you've said, you have nowhere near the amount of heart and intelligence that a guy like this has. You have fun serving yourself in life, we'll be busy thanking guys like this who have an altruistic job which allows for many to not get killed – both US soldiers and foreigners, regardless of "US should/shouldn't" be there. A real man doesn't run away from another one's mistake, he follows through so that the least amount would be affected. Good luck with your selfish life which I'm sure won't get you very far without change

    • boom go da dynomite

      what happends in IED stays in IED..right Sam …..like beating your wife cus the presure is to much, or cheating on her because she cant be half a world away with you, probably having 3 kids would do that to you.
      ahh yes the IED cus you were to stupid to stay in school.
      Thanks for the memories, and the excess baggage that came with my gf.

      • Dude

        Hahaha way to tell it like it is.

        • fredfender

          I'm serious mom's pissed!! She want's to know if you want sweet and sour or honey mustard with your nuggets!!!

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001225731219 HellHath NoFury

        'to stupid to stay in school'
        Not sure if serious..

        • Waylon

          If only it were possible to ftp Billy Goat Gruff…

      • http://twitter.com/Ambrocious @Ambrocious

        Wow, Boom. If you are going to make such a comment, maybe use proper grammar.

        You don't know this guy. Not everyone in the military is like the asshole you're talking about.

    • Lowrent75

      Nice work Sam…keep safe. Thank you for your service.

    • Jay

      Anyone else notice the puzzle piece in this photo?

      • fredfender

        Yeah!! WTF is that?

    • Jeremy

      I'd just like to add in a thanks as well.

    • OwnerOfYou

      Get home safe and sound, Sam. And always remember to get your ChiveOn while away!

      • JstevensF

        Best of luck Sam. It's not just your country you're doing proud but we Brits are more thankful than you'd originally assume. We all owe you a debt of honour, hope you get home safe.

    • Proud JarHead

      Ooh RAh! Brother. Semper Fi and Godspeed.

      • kater

        go get a job, be useful, stop being proud of sth stupid 🙂
        bonehad, not jarhead

    • kORD

      To the man who posted the picture. No luck to you. None needed. You got the skills, your the man dude, and the best to you and yours. The Chive is with ya. Peace.

    • RGH

      Thoughts and prayers go out to you. Come home safe.

    • http://www.facebook.com/ateeple13 Aaron Teeple

      Semper Fi Devil Dog. Kick ass and stay safe over there.

      • Bill57

        SIR! you have more guts and brains and courage then all of these trolls combined. While you will be working to save our guys and all the foreigners lives, these trolls cower in the bedrooms and shake at the first noise they dont know. GOD SPEED SEMPER FI stay safe and come home in one peace. Thank you for your service and your families sacrifice

        • fredfender

          I don't know if you meant me since I was harassing the pussy running his mouth. I just want it made clear to you,Sam and all the other heroes who posted on here. I am 100% for all in the military. From the ones like Sam who's right there doing the most dangerous of the dangerous jobs to the ones back cooking his dinner. They are all braver and more of a man then I'll ever be this includes the female troops also. I have 15 years of front line police duty state side and I couldn't nor would I compare what they do day in day out far from home and their loved ones in a hellish environment to what I do, God Bless Them All!

    • NiceEyes

      Good luck Sam – be safe and come home to her in one piece!

    • tjk

      stay safe and thank you.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1174860146 Shawn Bell

      Good luck over there brother. I just got back from Sangin in April and it was hell for my unit. Stay safe.

      • EdWood

        Thank You !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • That Guy

    #1 they were so disappointed and confused when they didn't fly.

    • God

      I can make them fly, but I chose not to. Thought it would be funnier this way.

      • http://gfys.org troll alert

        he's just a troll. this is not God

    • Not Again

      Refer to #4

    • William

      "With God as my witness, I swear I thought turkeys could fly"

      • God

        Sorry, I actually was taking a nap, totally missed it.

        • http://gfys.org troll alert

          God was not napping, this is just a troll.

  • http://thechive.com/ mattythegooch

    #4 60/40, on the 'tarded side.

    • Douche

      Talking about yourself then?

  • holyshit


    $255 ???!!!

    • john

      now there's a business for ya.

    • That's What Happened

      John keeps bidding on it with his Mr. Hollywood dolla dolla bills y'all, since he can't get one from the office because they sell out before the shipment comes in.

      • thom

        If you check Ebay there are only 2 shirts available and they have 0 bids. I call BS on this pic.

        • marlow

          I'm an Ebay addict. no bs. the bidders and their history check out.

        • max

          it's a girls shirt they are trying to sell. totally different

        • Billy

          Wrong that bid was over last night. Those are new ones.

        • WirelessCable

          no BS thom, I found that auction and submitted the pictures to theChive DAR's, it was 100% legit. and it ended Aug 21st…

          if you don't believe me… go here- http://www.ebay.com/itm/Chive-T-shirt-Keep-calm-a

          • edertef

            Shame on you. You killed theChive's spirit

            • WirelessCable

              I merely found the auction for your amusement. I am not the auction-holder or affiliated with the seller in any way (John and Leo will vouch for me) But whoever did this needs to respect the awesome or there's gonna be hell to pay!

    • God

      I could get one for free, if I wanted to, but I like my Reddit shirt more.

      • perry

        good for you!

        • God


          • http://gfys.org troll alert

            god is just a troll.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1848339570 Crystal Clausen

      People, just say NO!! Now there is another Chive shirt on Ebay from the same seller. The Chivery will get more shirts…..

    • Fucking Losers

      My name describes anyone who would even think to bid more than 10 dollars on this shirt.

      • ydodonutshave2die

        omg thank u i this site is awesome but i dont understand the obsession…

        • Cletus

          Some people feel the need to advertise their "awesomeness" i.e. seek validation of themselves through the approval of others.. Thats why somebody was willing to pay that much for a simple shirt.

  • HeyJewed

    #4… Let me help you with that… Kids today are fucking retarded!

    • http://www.youtube.com/user/ADHDavenger13?feature=mhsn Firefighter23

      Agreed, I are retarded

    • HeyJewed

      Son of a bitch! People post shit FAST on here!

    • God

      Yeah, I've been slacking on the quality of them lately, but can you blame me with this being the last season of Entourage? Not feeling like much. Plus, I've got a bum knee.

      • HeyJewed

        It's okay God. I will still blindly and arbitrarily give you credit for everything good that happens in the world and blame Satan and demons for everything bad that happens. Don't worry, I won't think too hard about that so I can continue on my path of blind joy that comes from the belief that nothing is ever my fault.

        • God

          Totes McGoats. This guy gets it. Free beer on my tonight at your favorite bar. Tell him God said so.

          • God


            Even I have trouble with typos sometimes, I'm multitasking.

            • http://gfys.org troll alert

              God is just a troll. don't pay attention to him he is just a troll.

              • fail

                We all know !
                God = Guesty
                But thanks for the alert.

                • http://gfys.org troll alert

                  God = Guesty = Fail they're all the same asshole trolls.

                  • Guesty

                    Nope. But you white knights keep everyone updated as to "trolls". You fucktards.

                    • _bigdeal

                      i like "god" on here. says funny shit. shut up and be entertained you fucking whiners

    • asdf

      No, people in general are retarded.

  • JuanCamdingo

    #19 #16 – Chive On from Wisconsin!

    • Wiscompton

      Yeah boy

    • Yo Mamma

      I thought that was every state. Yes, I'm from Milwaukee.

      • bigox

        I know that's how it is in Texas, Rhode Island and Pennsylvania as well.

      • Sarah

        same here..and same here. Chive On.

    • GUEST

      That MUST be Koshkonong Tie-up.. ?…

    • http://www.facebook.com/MitchMeisterr Mitch Harrison

      Yeah didn't realize that wasn't a national thing… lol.

      The only problem with that law is that it requires the establishment to allow it. I was at my friends wedding who were only 20 and the hall they rented wouldn't let the whole marriage party drink even though all of their parents said they could and were present. Let's just say there were a lot of trips to the parking lot… for unknown reasons…

    • Charlie

      Trust me i took advantage of this law many times.

  • http://www.douggoff.com Doug

    #4 No, kids are just fuckin dumb!

    • God

      Clearly, with that comment, you are demonstrating how vastly superior you are, intellectually, to a 5 year old.

      • http://gfys.org troll alert

        Doug, don't get upset with God, he is just a troll.

        • Makes No Excuses

          regardless of what god said…….kids are….in fact…..definitely morons. That doesn't say much for their parents though. Its a shame.

      • Sploooge

        Feel sorry for this wannabe. BRING BACK PAULA THIS KID SUCKS!

        • God

          Go fuck yourself.

          • _bigdeal

            if your a kid god, then your one of the exceptions. most kids today are fucking stupid as hell.

  • Oblivious

    #42 Should have a themed Sexy Chivers based on this.

    • Isanbod

      I second this proposal, take it to a vote.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001225731219 HellHath NoFury

        You have my vote
        (and my axe)

        • Ulisses

          And my bow and stuff

          • Waylon

            And my staff

            • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001225731219 HellHath NoFury

              and my secretary

              • God

                and the same jokes I used when people didn't like me last year, you can definitely have those.

              • Waylon

                Clever girl

    • God

      Costumed SC for the win!

      • http://gfys.org troll alert

        God, he is just a troll.

    • dino


  • FoCoLivin

    #1 You dummies. Chickens don't fly.

  • geekerhead


    Every morning. Without fail…

    • God

      Perhaps you should consider a separate towel for your balls.

      • http://gfys.org troll alert

        he don't care about your balls, God, he is just a troll.

    • Plunker

      Is this an issue? You just washed your balls. They should be clean like your foot, your arm, and your hair. So you use the towel on your arm, then your face. The horror. The horror.

      Who cares? It's your skin.

      • jack dead kor

        …… dry your balls last?…….

    • Noriega

      Pro tip: the side with the tag is for the face, the other for the balls.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001019719478 Drew Bolden


      • hMMMM

        or just wipe the face first.

  • AssClown

    #23 Win indeed, for you have chopped the top of his head off… therefore he is no more.

    • Mel Gibson

      charles wang wanted to do with with the islanders

    • mac thranschtieker

      mr assclown….. what an ass, i like how the picture says PLAN on the sideboards

  • Ripple

    #5 more porn needs to start exactly like this

    • http://thechive.com/ GernBlansten

      Pretty sure there is a bong somewhere just outside the frame…..

  • BaseballRube

    #49 is a solid ass. That is all.

    • God

      It actually looks rather soft to me, just saying. And, you know, I made it so I would know.

      • http://gfys.org troll alert

        he is not God, he is just a troll. and he has never seen a real ass in his life.

  • AssClown

    #27 More like rub his itchy hairy balls on your towels…,

    • northerner

      first thought? to wipe his butt on your towels…

    • alex

      I was gonna go with wiping his ass..

    • ...

      this pic is NOT cool WHAT THE FUCK that thing is freaky as shit!!!!

  • jroc


  • laxcat36

    #43 douglas, teach me how to.

    • sean

      Instruct me how to Douglas!

    • Birdhaus32

      Best part is the Trooper bobbing his head to the beat.

      To Dougie teach me how. HHmmmmm

      • laxcat36

        You phrased that in yoda speak far better than I sir. Well played.

  • Velocifaptor

    Holy shit I got on the first page.

    Paula you suck.

    Most Chivers are dumb.

    Get. Her. A. Sandwich.

    Your mom says "hi."

    • fail

      Hey Bitch !
      Paula does not suck !

      • Waylon

        Yeah she never puts out. 😦

  • r2D2

    Stay safe Sam. Thanks for what you do.

  • Picard_

    #32 Asa can only Hope that we see more of her.

    • OwnerOfYou

      Why did I read this in the voice of JarJar Binks?! don't bother telling me… i'm already jumping off a cliff.

      • Hand of Fate

        So did I, lol!

    • WirelessCable

      She's so pretty! Photographer's smile… Asa, call me!

  • AssClown

    #38 Prolly the cat in #27 balls'…

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001019719478 Drew Bolden

      i was thinking the same thing, that cats balls are all over those towels

  • God

    I don't exist.

    • SkyVader

      But, you just posted.

      • God

        Or did I?

    • http://www.facebook.com/damonaco Daniel Angelo Monaco

      Eh, that's you're opinion. Mine says you do.

    • John

      knock it off with that emo shit

      • TheC

        I'm not defending him for trolling, but how is not believing on God "emo"?

    • http://gfys.org troll alert

      he is not God, he is just a troll. and he has never seen a real pussy or ass in his life.

      • Waylon

        I disagree, his head is planted firmly up his own ass.

        • fail

          Let's all hope that it gets stuck there !

    • Vlad

      my pal Allah here begs to differ

    • its_forge

      You post, therefore you iz.

  • reb3

    #27 no, your cat has to jump 6 feet to get to it's toilet paper.

    • God

      What? An original comment which made me laugh out loud for the first DAR in many moons? IT CANNOT BE! Thank me!

      • http://gfys.org troll alert

        don't thank him.
        he is not God, he is just a troll. and he has never seen a real pussy or ass in his life.

        • God

          Benedict, don't think I don't see you trolling like a pathetic dog cunt. While I'm impressed that you went through and thoroughtly trolled every single one of my comments, your trolls are those of a particularly weak variety and damn near put me to sleep before I made it all the way down here to remind you to, in fact, go fuck yourself.

          • http://gfys.org troll alert

            let God go fuck himself because he is just a troll. trolling…………..

            • God


              • http://gfys.org troll alert

                it's a troll, it's not god.

    • northerner

      my thought exactly…

    • matt

      "it's" is short for "it is". It's a simple thing to learn, once you know its secret.

      • matt is confusing

        what the fuck you talking about.

    • Solitaire

      Smart cat, marking you as territory by marking the towel you will use via the butt rub.

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