Daily Morning Awesomeness (35 Photos)

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  • http://twitter.com/DrDrai1122 @DrDrai1122

    #5 this person has possibly the smallest penis in the world……

    • gilligan

      do you really care the size of his penis? you sound like a chick.

      • http://twitter.com/DrDrai1122 @DrDrai1122

        Giligan?! I had no idea your island had internet. The professor has been hard at work I see.

        • gilligan

          lol. thats funny. but seriously i always wonder when people say that about dudes dicks, cuz by that logic if a guy is driving a miata he must be ron jeremy .

          • negative nancy

            no, the logic is, if you're trying to draw that much attention to yourself, you are compensating for something. Also, If you get offended by people suggesting someone else has a small dick, you probably have a small dick as well..

            • http://twitter.com/JJrrake @JJrrake

              Or hes just valiantly challenging an idea. Show ur face coward

    • Tiny

      Not as small as mine!!!!

      • http://twitter.com/JJrrake @JJrrake

        Hahhahhahah

    • Jake

      #34 Batman DIES.

      • http://twitter.com/JJrrake @JJrrake

        Not true

        • http://twitter.com/JJrrake @JJrrake

          We do share a name however

    • mishai

      SOmebody here is jealouse:))….how irony, you talk about car owner compensation and you self compensate your not awesomes thought putting awesome car owner down:))

      • The Guy

        Well put.

      • alcideissexy

        you think that car is awesome? It looks like complete shit.

  • thebigbangdito

    #27

    Need help reading? Ill be a tutor 😉

    • Ozee

      Someone clearly isnt doing his job if she's reading from this position

    • This

      This is how ladies get prepared to read Fifty Shades of Grey

      • me!

        she has got to keep her hands free!

    • Jack

      That is oddly sexy.

    • theViRUS

      so will Jerry Sandusky.

      • lip reader

        I'll help her read with her other lips!

        • Bud

          What lips do you read with?

      • Marty

        Idiot

    • Richard

      I'd be happy to turn the pages for her.

    • Fuhrer D

      At Penn State, that is a safe position for her to read. Now if she was an underage guy, all bets would be off.

      • press

        Careful, now. You'll set off another mob rally, where thousands of students chant about what a terrific guy Paterno was.

      • http://twitter.com/JJrrake @JJrrake

        Hahhaha FUcK pennstaters yo fuk state college theyer all a bunch o pedobears!!

        Come to philly for the crack tho!

    • Dr_StrangePants

      as a scholar It warms my heart to see someone who understands how vital it is that Knowledge Penetrates

    • acdc

      Wow. Tugging it would be so much easier if i could do this…………

      • Ol' Rock

        This was taken by her parents… next to the doll on her bed… When she was 15…

    • Footluver

      Imagine Wat those tootsies can do!!

  • emailhobo

    #7 HI 🙂

    • DarkRonnie

      #6 Some stupid mother fuckers (not this dude), better stop revealing spoilers!!!

    • Who??

      Who is she???

    • Del Boy

      Not sure who she is but the location is Cape Verde. I just got back from holiday there (I would say I was one of the people in the background but they aren't staring enough at the bikini babes to be me.)

  • UtahChiver

    Chiving at one a.m., got to see the morning Awesomeness before bedtime! Everyone have a great day!

    • Mikey

      You too!

    • Tim

      You could have seen all this stuff on Reddit days ago…instead of "Chiving" at 1am. "Chiving" is pretty much the same thing as "looking at stolen content, including captions."

      • Epitomizer

        Then why are you here, and in the comments section no less? You are obviously a lifeless loser, and most likely a virgin.

        • Tim

          Okay. Still stolen content.

          • Epitomizer

            Then why do you come here?

    • Ned Ryerson

      Yeah me to, but now I'm gonna be pissed at myself in the morning when I've already looked at DMA.

    • Dr_StrangePants

      some weeks, I tell myself to stay up and get a headstart on the comments.
      But the fact is I need a Cup of Tea and the DMA to start my mornings right.

  • JOE_MAMA

    #33 Awesome dog.

  • givethedjabj

    #35 Got a stiff

    • mikey

      …'nother reason why kids today have a bad rep…..would like to see the photo of the douche/ette who took it

      • some-dude

        Maybe she's celebrating an inheritance? Probably just looking for a good facebook cover photo though…

    • Bamaearl

      This bitch needs an ass whooping. That is the most despicable act I have seen in a long time.

    • UltraLord

      Would kill it

    • DaveStinson316

      Dead sexy….

  • Andrew

    #3 need this built first

    • Hendu0705

      Yeah this bullshit is awesome.

    • emily

      You could make the greatest forts in there.

  • JOE_MAMA

    #32 Russia at its finest
    ]

    • loz

      romania, actually

      • JOE_MAMA

        Impressive my friend. Is this Liam Neeson? I want no trouble

      • http://www.facebook.com/calapod.cristian Calapod Cristian

        it is nice to see other romanians here 🙂

    • joe testarosa

      still trying to figure out how they get all the nuts off

      • Anomanom

        That sounds so wrong…

    • Yoyo_Man77

      sy dude …. is Romania not Russia 😉

  • duder

    #32 Like a Boss

    • goglas

      Only flaw in his cunning plan is that the alloy wheel and tyre replacement are gonna cost more than the fine.

      • Ferrous Bueller

        All steel or aluminum in any car part is technically an alloy. Car companies label them like that so you think they're special. Don't buy into the hype, take it from a metallurgist.

        • goglas

          He could put a cheap steel wheel on …..but I think most people like to have the same wheels on their car…I know I do!

          • Scott

            Take it with you and cut it off at home.

            • goglas

              Perfect solution

          • Ferrous Bueller

            Steel=alloy of iron (+carbon, manganese, other stuff). Same thing, higher price tag.

            • hihi

              lol, good name for a metal man

    • HatBomb

      I don't know how it works there, but in the US moving that vehicle constitutes grand theft auto. Not something you want to pop up next time you get pulled over for an out taillight.

      • goglas

        Clamping is banned is Scotland as its considered a form of extortion.

  • whosthatguy

    I watched #15 more times than I should have, just waiting for a fail to happen.

    • Rusty Shackleford

      How hard is it to borrow a goddamn truck?

      • FrankiE

        We were all waiting for it

  • I'll fill ;D

    #27 and #28 are sending the same message…

    • Fuhrer D

      #27

      What that there was ample and available lady skins for Sandusky to go after at Penn State? Or that she is boring in bed?

      • JESSE

        WOW your second Penn State comment! You should be feeling extreme self satisfaction for really stretching your imagination. What is it like setting the curve on originality and wit? Way to pick your battles dick head. PSU class of 09' and forever proud of my school, despite the actions of one or two assholes.

        • B. Tankski

          it's no less original than any of the other retarded comments that are repeated here ad nauseam.

        • Toko

          Whoa, Jesse. It wasn't just "one or two assholes."

          Every person of power on your campus knew boys, children, were being raped, sometimes on campus. All the adults did was circle the wagons and protect their own damn selves.

          For over a decade.

          "One or two"? You're still in denial that it was only Sandusky? Wow.

          Penn State was run by thugs that make the mafia look gentle.

          • winston

            Please Read– http://psu.lions-pride.com/2012/07/thoughts-and-m

            Haters, read this and never again mock a student wearing a psu shirt. We don't support the men who did those terrible things, just like everyone else doesn't. And we don't find it a funny matter. We go to the school because it is a great academic institution, and it will be even still after us current students fix the problem that grown men could not. Furthermore, don't tell us what happened, we are fully aware of the situation because assholes like you make jokes about it to us everyday. You pretend like you care but then we you feel horny about a picture you all make jokes…no you clearly don't care, you just like to bitch. How about you donate money to RAINN and actually make a difference? Penn State is no longer run by "thugs" and if you had any ounce of respect for the hundreds of thousands of people associated with the part of Penn State that had NOTHING to do with this, you will think before you make hurtful, ignorant, and tasteless comments.

        • Fuhrer D

          It will be ok Jesse, but I hope you wiped your feet off, I heard it gets messy int he showers.

        • caleb

          Yo, Mr. White!

        • Hawksnester

          Forever proud and forever defending your school.

  • Man

    #30 chuck Norris level.

    • SuperiorTo8

      Naa mate, thats pretty standard for us. Bloke probably lost a bet or something

    • Nick

      Don't mess with South Australians. You might end up in a 40 gallon drum inside a disused bank vault.

      • Woop

        That is true. South Australians are a little whacky. Not so smart but fairly good looking women though. Actually, they're perfect!

    • Dr_StrangePants

      This is indeed an Australian gentlemen.
      …but it should say "Meanwhile in Mexico"

    • Matt
      • Matt

        Here's the text:
        DEAN "Deano" Stefanek spent 30 minutes battling an enraged 6m great white shark – and lived.

        The South Australian tuna diver has told how he volunteered to jump into a tuna pen to try to kill the injured shark.

        "Somebody had to do it, no one else was too keen, so I went in," Mr Stefanek, 38, said.

        The struggle took place recently at a tuna farm off the coast of Mexico and the tale of the Aussie who "wrestled" the fearsome fish has spread.

        Mr Stefanek, who returned to Port Lincoln this month after a six-month contract working on Mexican tuna farms, played down his feat.

        "It was one of those things that just happened," he said. "The shark had got in by biting its way through the bottom of the net after detecting a couple of dead fish.

        "There was just no way we could get it out, so the decision to kill it was made and some blokes shot it – but no way it would die.

        "It started to get messy and I jumped into the water and swam outside the net so I could shoot it with a power head (spear-fitted with a shotgun cartridge)."

        The white pointer became enraged and began thrashing around the 45m tuna net.

        "Someone had to go in," Mr Stefanek said. "I was the most experienced diver there and no one else was too keen, so I went inside the net.

        "The shark saw me and went berserk. I tried to kill it quickly and fired at its head, which only stunned it.

        "I fired eight more times and it kept coming back and thrashing. I think it was then that I started to get a bit scared.

        "Another diver could see I was in trouble and came inside the net – we figured we were not going to kill it and I thought we'll have to drag it out."

        Mr Stefanek surfaced and called for a rope and pulley and dived again to tie a rope around the shark's tail.

        While the fish was distracted with another diver, Mr Stefanek looped and knotted its tail and signalled to start winching.

        "It was after I looked at it on the boat I realised it was huge," he said. "No one there had ever seen a shark so big and there were a few stunned and amazed looks.

        "The great pity was it had to be killed – particularly as it was wounded.

        "I know they (great whites) are becoming extinct. But there is only one of me and it could have made me extinct very quickly."

  • jblake

    #4 I can see how someone like Nikki Minaj could be confused for something like a disc of turkey calls

    • http://twitter.com/JJrrake @JJrrake

      Hahaha yea she blows
      Ps chek out our names yo they rhyme thats pretty loose

    • Fuhrer D

      More like someone confused rap with the garbage they put out today.

      • Chuck Norris

        can't spell crap without rap.

  • May

    #34 I think this is the third time you've posted this chive :-/

    • http://www.facebook.com/matt.prater.94 Matt Prater

      because its RIDICULOUSLY important!!!!!!

      • http://twitter.com/DrDrai1122 @DrDrai1122

        if someone does that to me I will shamelessly kick them in the balls/cooter.

        • amrith777

          Stay off "Rotten Tomatoes" site then…. (even though they've suspended comments for now after the debacle)

        • Chuck Norris

          Batman dies. it's just a movie, get over yourself.

      • Jake

        Batman DIES.

      • Dr_StrangePants

        I have an old friend doing his first deployment in Afghanistan with some limited access to facebook. He begged everyone not to spoil it till he could come stateside. Sent him this pic, can't wait for his reaction.

    • DarkRonnie

      Its THE DARK FUCKING KNIGHT RISES!!!

    • Sade

      For fucking emphasis, dude! xD

    • Pretty Smile

      Obviously you know what happens if you read the comic…

  • Mikey

    I wish there was an "adult" section of the Chive, so we could see what our sexy Chivettes are REALLY sending in, minus all of the edits 😉

    • wheredyoufindthatass

      soooo pretty much for all the horny guys out there

    • Max

      there was one called chive after dark….pretty racey stuff…some reason, not there anymore…it was the second best site in the world

      • Bruce'sKidney

        They made it get taken down i think because he was basically advertising for a porn site on here. Though I was personally hoping it would take off… 😛

    • Epitomizer

      Its called tumblr.

    • Brian

      You're right…that would be a best selling DVD/Website…what say you Chive????

      • Klurr

        I met John an bob the owners in SD last week. they get over a million submitions a week an yes there is a lot of naked girls.

    • © Infringement

      They do. Its called Google.

      Seriously though, the afterdark knockoff was forcibly removed from Tumblr, though its now functioning under a different name. If the dude wanted to start his own site, he shouldn't have used theChive name and advertised it on theChive.

      • Bruce

        Do we get a hint at the new location? 😛

        • Rick_

          Google is your friend.

    • http://twitter.com/JJrrake @JJrrake

      Yo mikey im really happy for u n ima let u finish but brazzers has the best adult section of all time
      "Blacks on blacks blacks on blondes BuFF BlAcKs…" ders

  • Admiral

    Do you ever feel like you could conquer the world when you pull the entire root of the weed out.

    • Woop

      I dont know why but your comment gives me hope for the world.

  • IceBerg

    I got stuck on the Chivette ads

    • Epitomizer

      I know, its gonna be a long week waiting on my wifes goodies to come in. She said she can't wait to submit in her new knee highs and shorty shorts, assuming we can order before the internet implodes!

  • awhite2020

    #28 No thanks I'm good.

    • Chap

      too many players on the field

    • Kodos

      .. but I will take a blow job!

      • awhite2020

        I have a feeling even that would knock her up.

    • Fuhrer D

      At least you know she gives it up.

      • awhite2020

        I wish that statement also applied to her kids.

  • Mikey

    #23 Hate it when that happens.

  • http://twitter.com/jahrodnz @jahrodnz

    #17 ERMAHGERD GURL!

  • Whores

    #9 challenge accepted!

  • Ozee

    #25 Whats it like to have a woman who cares about how she looks and wears sexy stuff like the new Chivette line? Is it as amazing as I imagine it is?

    • Child Please

      Jesus, Ozee. Grow a pair.

    • Felcus

      I wonder how much they're going to charge for socks.

    • DaveStinson316

      How many takes did you guys make them do, even after you stopped filming?

  • Just Sayin...

    #27
    Because she just couldn't read 50 Shades of Grey "one handed" anymore.

    • Epitomizer

      Clever.

    • Dr_StrangePants

      Ladies & Gentlemen,
      I give you: DUKE NUKEM narrating "50 Shades of Grey".

      • Epitomizer

        I am going to put these inside you.

  • B Dub

    #28 Laughed my butt off! Good for….at least she has a great sense of humor!

    • Molon Labe

      Yeah, but if she still gave a BJ once-in-a-while he wouldn't have left.

  • RichMahogany

    haha ruthless. #20

    • zissou

      Get savagely beaten by a girl and have your own gif on the internet. Today's childhood sucks

    • mishai

      Gina Carano-early years:)

    • McFarterson

      Paula_ beating the shit out of etcrr. Poor bastard is still in hiding.

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