A few writing pointers from famous authors

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  • ',k

    first!

    • sithney

      appropriately enough, he laughed at his own joke

    • Crowley

      Your first to suck a dick maybe!!

      • ',k

        *You're

        Learn to spell fucker.

        • Crowley

          Don't you need to be watching the chive to be 'first' you fucken loser!

          • ',k

            No. I had to pop my first cherry. It wasn't that memorable and kinda awkward. Don't think I'll do it again unless I'm sure it's the one.

            • Crowley

              You should!! Seems like it's the only 'cheery' you will ever get to pop!

              • ',k

                God damn son. You don't even know how to spell cherry. Maybe if you're lucky your mom will pop your CHERRY today and you can be a CHEERY mother fucker all day.

        • Ryan

          Your IS spelled correctly.

          It was bad grammar, not spelling.

          • N a

            I think it's still considered a spelling mistake. U can misspell a word and still have it spell another word. If I spelled dear when I meant deer, u wouldn't call that a grammatical error, you'd say I spelled deer wrong.

          • Crowley

            LMOA! You are new!! Do you miss your cave??

            • Crowley

              LOL!!

    • Simon

      So the fuck what. You seem proud of making the world worse for a lot of people. Please stop doing it and behave yourself.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/GernBlansten GernBlansten

    Neil Gaiman is a prat. I can't believe you have him twice, but Pratchett is nowhere to be seen.

    • Willie

      Love Pratchett.

      Love Gaiman too.

      • KyleGamgee

        I love positivity, so I gave you a thumbs up.

      • http://intensedebate.com/people/GernBlansten GernBlansten

        Don't get me wrong, Gaiman's writing is top notch. It's in person that he's a prat.

    • Lahara

      Pratchett has some of the best and unique writing styles I've read. Love his books!

    • Twilightsucks

      You don't have to diss Neil to like Terry. Besides, they're friends. And the Sandman series IS pretty epic. Though it's nothing compared to Terry's almost 2 books a year for the last 3 decades, Alzheimer's and all.

    • Corby

      Just be glad Stephanie Meyer isn't on here.

  • shawn

    #24 #25.. wtf am I supposed to do?!

    • Craig K.

      That's simple, disregard Fitzgerald. He told aweful stories (in my opinion).

      • a-nom

        Though I can and will respect you're personal opinion and taste of literature…there is no way I would listen to Gaiman over Fitzgerald.

    • http://www.facebook.com/decadent.sympozium Decadent Sympozium

      Write to your own joke then type it down without the exclamation mark.

    • mcpain87

      hahaa I thought that was an interesting combo

    • KyleGamgee

      Just write.

      By the time you're good, you'll have your own advice.

    • devoc

      I read this and said "Damn't!" aloud. Still don't know what to do, lol

    • Ramon

      What this means is that the masters know what works and doesn't, but also that different things work for different writers. There is no one way. 🙂

    • http://twitter.com/JDougE09 @JDougE09

      I feel like I just got brain fu*ked

    • Paul from the gump

      #26

  • http://thelasthonestpodcast.com Scott White

    #25 is how I live life!

  • andfukyamoms

    #16
    Not advice exclusively for writing.

    • flatmike

      I agree. Substitute "life" for "writing" and you have a guidepost for living.

  • skyfireCO

    No wonder "Farewell to Arms" is my least favorite book.. even Hemingway had trouble finishing it #23

    • Moony

      Twilights the best ❤

      • skyfireCO

        I was gonna say Atlas Shrugged or ASOIAF but to each their own

    • Ernest Hemingway

      Da fack is this shit niggaz? U insult me and u insultz the whole gang homiez! I amz, gonnaz facks u ups dood!!! I am gonna kick ur ass cuz this heres real. U better say farewell to your arms cuz imma rip them off ur sockets and shove one straight up ur ass and the other one up ur poop hole. U want that? NExt timez i see yous, u better say how much u love "Farewell to Arms". U got that gurl? I said, "U GOT THAT GURL?"

  • Dan

    #16… Just get a rooster and there will be order…

  • AlltheTacos

    That's all great advice, the best advice I've ever heard is to just sit down a write. Never write imagining that someone is standing behind you reading what you type.

    • AlltheTacos

      and* Guess I took my own advice there…

  • douchey mcstealbag

    this was great when i read it on buzzfeed yesterday….i guess this would be an example of #22

    • PDiddily420

      Not if they give Buzzfeed credit at the beginning and the end(like they did). Douche Nozzle.

  • Browncoat

    I've got to read this Branbury fellow. Can we get a post of inspiring quotes from graphic designers next?

  • http://4chan.org/b/ gnocco

    No HST quotes?!

    • muller

      "before i die i want to see that grounds keeper from caddyshack star in a movie about me." – HST

    • Raul Duke

      Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to slide in broad-side in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly exclaiming, "Wow! What a ride."

  • socalmarti

    #26 Also my theory on how to live life.

    • ddd

      badass over here…remember to wipe your ass

    • Will

      But you're then taking his advice…..

  • zack_t

    #21 Kurt has always been my favorite!

    • Kristen

      That'll change when you get out of junior high.

      • zack_t

        am I missing out by not reading 50 shades of grey?

      • Neymar

        You're an ignorant twat, Vonnegut is top 5 of the modern era-

  • Bobby

    #1 #3 Elmore Leonard and E. L. Doctorow kinda want to believe they are the same person

  • tBaynes

    #10 Good advice for any managers out there

  • Elmore Leonard

    #7

    Elmore Leonard is the shit. Read all of his books. Great crime writer. Although I've never heard him say it, I believe Leonard is a gigantic influence on Tarantino. He did turn Rum Punch into the movie Jackie Brown. Read Leonard, especially the way characters speak to each other. He's brilliant!

  • Snoopes

    How could you forget William Faulkner? He won the Nobel Prize in Literature in 1949 and the Pulitzer Prize for Fiction twice.

  • http://www.datesugarbaby.com/ Date sugar baby

    the best advice I've ever heard is to just sit down a write,I believe Leonard is a gigantic influence on Tarantino. He did turn Rum Punch into the movie Jackie Brown.

  • gimletmike

    #13 This was a damn good article. You should be damn proud of yourselves. I'm damn glad I read it.

  • The Village Idiot

    A bit ironic that you've posted a bunch of pictures of writers and just a few sentences they spoke about the volumes they've written.

  • Alex

    "Everybody gets told to write about what they know. The trouble with many of us is that at the earlier stages of life we think we know everything- or to put it more usefully, we are often unaware of the scope and structure of our ignorance." – Thomas Pynchon

  • http://www.facebook.com/luke.talbot Luke Talbot

    Or just write badly about BDSM with one dimensional characters you stole from 80s movies and make millions. Isn't that right, E.L. James?

  • loves sammiches

    “That's the problem with drinking, I thought, as I poured myself a drink. If something bad happens you drink in an attempt to forget; if something good happens you drink in order to celebrate; and if nothing happens you drink to make something happen.”
    ― Charles Bukowski

  • freddy boy

    #8 is so "damned" true. However, most of this is advice for fiction writers. Writing non-fiction is more difficult than convincing your newlywed spouse that your opinion is actually the right one. Now that requires a real imagination.

    • Ken

      Maybe so, but Steinbeck kicks major ass. No one ends a story better than Steinbeck could.

  • Tomas

    #26 & #17 Two of my favorite writers!! B)

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