Daily Morning Awesomeness (30 Photos)

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  • Cooks

    first baby

    • STEVE

      Mr. Cooks, what you've just posted is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever read. At no point in your waste of great post space did your trollish response even close to anything that could be considered a likable post. Everyone on the chive now hates you a little more for having posted such garbage. We award you no likes, and may God have mercy on your soul.

      KCCO!

      • lols

        you should have followed it with "you are the weakest link. good bye."

      • Billy

        Billy Madison ….. I see what you did there

    • Ms. Veronica Vaughn

      Making fun of a little kid for trying to be first. Are you psycho? Do you have no soul?

      • JSJ

        How do you know cooks is a little kid? Probably some 30 year old still leaving in his parents basement.

        • ...

          I think you missed the joke… you see it was a reference to billy madison which was an amazing Adam sandler movie. there now you're up to speed

    • Mr. Marcus

      Cooks is a lonely man

    • Mr. Marcus

      Well, at least you didn't say, "find her!"

    • awm

      i liked this just because i hate the name steve

    • lols

      yeah you're first! good work

  • PiratesFan

    #26 That's way too logical.

    • Na Me

      lol, it has a good reason for that product. not gonna slide away, gives perfect angle for the brush. I was laughing too till my little daughter asked me to paint her nails when her mom was away. Just because we never have to use it, it comes with a sense…

      • Thatoneperson

        I thought the same thing. Obviously this pic was made by a man who's never tried to paint his nails on his own before. Shit slides around everywhere! This is a great gadget ๐Ÿ™‚

    • lovebeingachivette

      except the brushes never go to the bottom of the bottle. It seems dumb to people who have never painted their nails(dudes). Anyone who has (ladies) thought hell yes!

      • Jack Wagon

        I paint my ladies toe nails all of the time, I see how this item could be useful. That is all, thanks for listening.

        • Dutch

          you misspelled "Mom's"

    • dirtysteve

      Suppose you could change the shape of the bottle too, angled, like certain candy jars. Though by edging out a crappy late night buy like this, the ghost of Billy Mays would curse their very souls for $19.99.

    • Josh

      Is that a mans hand?

  • Chester

    Mitt the Zit.

    A big red sore that's full of shit

    • Rebbie McAvoy

      What the hell dude thats disgusting..

      • Chester

        So is mitt

    • mitt is a joke

      i can't believe how many fucking republicans frequent the chive. kinda ruins it…

      • Rebbie McAvoy

        Well I'm a republican & I would vote for Romney if I were old enough so screw you.

        • JSJ

          Either you have rich parents and/or your too young to understand politics.

          • Terrence

            Funny, I could say the same thing about quite a few liberals.

            • TomKha

              Any person, underage or not, who proudly proclaims their political affiliation without being able to support their beliefs is a moron. Don't be a Republican (or a Democrat) just because your parents are. Think for yourself. Get educated and figure out which candidate actually believes in the same things that you believe in. And get jaded quickly because both candidates will always be full of shit.

              • The_Dood

                Exactly. It's like choosing between a giant douche and a turd sandwich…

                • Rebbie McAvoy

                  Seriously? My mother still doesn't know who she is voting for. I myself decided even though people are going to hate me for it ,that I agree with all of Romney's beliefs! Like it or not, I am thinking for myself on this one.

                  • The_Dood

                    Yep, I don't like either of them. We've been having lesser of two evils decisions in every election that I can remember. I was too young to really know anything about Clinton vs. Dole. But every one since has been the same story.
                    As an added bonus, this is my personal favorite protest sign… Other than maybe "Down with this sort of thing." http://www.ivorytowermetaphysics.com/wp-content/u

                    • Rebbie McAvoy

                      I think everyone should be entitled to their own opinion. That is all.

                  • Indeed

                    You agree with ALL of his beliefs? Do you even know what they all are, because he doesn't even seem to.

      • who cares

        Or maybe you were down voted because we don't want to encourage an internet flame war about politics on a Friday morning?

        • Derp

          Thank you. Let's keep the chive happily politics-free ๐Ÿ™‚

          ….you commie bastard

      • keystone183

        It's hard being stupid, isn't it.

      • a-nom

        Alright, you know it's unnecessary to start political flame war where no one actually wins. I'm a registered Democrat, but does it really matter? Think about it? There is no viable choice in government these days. You, as I, have differing points of view that are a mixture of both parties, just leave it out of this site. Be well and do good!

      • The_Dood

        There's no one forcing you to stay. And really, it's been this way for my 3 years on the site…

        • Abides

          Fuck off. If I want to enjoy tits, ass and hilarious pictures without having my brain assaulted by uneducated herds of rhetoric spouting morons from both sides, then I feel like that is the better option. I'm incredibly politically active in my life off the internet – it's what I got my degree in and what I've studied. I don't come here to argue or reinforce my beliefs. I come here because, like every other man in the world, I love boobies and a sweet ass.

          • The_Dood

            Sorry. How about this?
            No one is forcing you to read the comments.

            You know, there are a lot of people out there that will try to make anything political. Most of them are known as trolls. And the internet is full of them. There's nothing you can do about it.

            And fuck off? That sure escalated quickly… What ever happened to KCCO? I don't think you belong here.

      • PubicJones

        Yeah, your boy got smoked the other night. Deal with it. And don't act like it was a strategy.

        • Indeed

          So you really don't care that Romney just lied his way through the whole debate?

    • Mike

      You are fucking stupid

    • Anomanom

      It's funny though.

    • Paul

      Chester, it appears you have analyzed the policies and proposals of both candidates, in relation to your values and experiences. After this powerful "intellectual" exercise, the way you convey your opinion is to call some one a zit? Your method of debate is name calling? I'm not referring to who you want to win, but your obvious lack of intelligence when I say, "You should not be allowed to vote".

      • Jack Wagon

        Chester, stick to your big blue vein droopers, like a cantaloupe in a sock. That was fucking funny. Don't try to talk about politics as it is obvious that it is above your intelligence level.

    • Steve

      Thank you good sir, you have single-handedly convinced me to not vote for Mitt Romney with your well thought out and impeccably presented argument. I commend you for having the courage to point out all of the flaws in his foreign and domestic policies. You are truly an American hero.

    • Fester

      squeeze disease

      splatter it all over the middle please

  • imjake09

    #2 Or how about just a recurring dream of that please?

    • Ride

      is that cucumbers in her hands? ……………………………….. My mind just wandered off there for a while….

    • KAFman

      Me has a feelin' that cuccumber isn't for a salad…

      • Football Friends

        This is an FTV shoot, so yes, she shoved those up her snatch.

        • ollie williams

          Prove it….

        • Come At Me Bro
          • Muthafucka Jones

            You sir…..win the internets today.

          • jbcrazylife

            WOW…. Just Wow!!!!

          • Shawn

            BUTTERFACE!

            • Dapper_Dave

              Frontal pics are not her friend

              • back2worknow

                We will stick with the rear shot and follow the directions on her ass!

    • penguin slayer

      must see how this turns out!

    • LeBlow James

      We need to go deeper.

      • Jordan

        Thats what she said…….. sorry, had to do it

    • KCCOinSD

      So ahhh….. what ya doin with the cucumber???????

  • Tiber_Septim

    #19 Lord all mighty this is heaven

    • PiratesFan

      I'm not sure if those are pants or it's body paint. Either way, I'm not complaining.

    • Zzzzzzz

      e
      t
      c
      r
      r
      .
      e
      t
      c
      r
      r

      • Fran Pérez

        that's Male Costa, spanish model.
        You're welcome ๐Ÿ˜‰

        • Fran pérez

          *Malena Costa, sorry haha

          • bigcityreem

            I thought it was Nelly Furtado.

          • PiratesFan

            I reevaluated my life for a split second when I read it was Male. Whew, thanks for the correction.

    • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

      Yecch, she's a lefty!

      Hugs,
      Paula
      – Fan testimonial: "/waving Hi Bob… I mean, Paula_ *chasing down the cat and stuffing it back into the bag* My bad. ๐Ÿ™‚

      • JWoeBMoneY

        Instead of a cucumber, I would shove a pineapple laced with cholera up your urethral tube with my fist. I would leave it there until you got toxic shock. Then I would take your flap jack titties and tie them into a textbook sheep shank knot, forming a bow at your pepperoni nips. So cancel your plans this weekend and leave enough kibble for the kitty cats, this may take a few days.
        Forcable Unlawful Carnal Knowledge You,
        Me

        P.S. Completely shaven or landing strip?

        • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

          But… but… but… I have nice plans for the weekend!!1!

          Well… nice for me that is, not so much for that noisy character downstairs currently breaking his teeth on the chain. The remains of last weeks Chiver must have scared him off a bit.

          P.S.: <img src="http://www.thetruthaboutcars.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/d1387turtle-wax-posters.jpg"&gt;
          Hugs,
          Paula
          – Fan testimonial: "I'm pretty sure that no other website like this has its own version of Paula and the loyal following that equally hates her – Sauk Fox"

    • Jed

      That got me started on my seed cathedral #17

    • HOOK_the_LEGEND

      Love that JITT.

    • anthony

      oh my bum

  • PiratesFan

    #17 Hell Raiser got really into architecture since his movie career ended.

    • Canucks_Rule

      well played sir.

  • Rebbie McAvoy

    #21 Ermahgerd its a derg!

    • defaultuser

      I would have loved to see the dog jump in afterwards

    • Carl

      looks like it was staged

      • Macro

        Definitely was. Why would you film someone riding their bike through a park?

        • Alex

          My thoughts exactly

  • EMT Phenom

    #2
    what you going to do with them vegies?

    • RandomTask09

      If you noticed the veggies… I have bad news for you.

      • EMT Phenom

        I noticed the bottoms and double fisted phalic shapped veggies

    • newt

      I want to know too. I guess that is what i have to dream about tonight.

    • Derp

      I like where this is going

    • professor

      time for a healthy snack …

    • Dude Bro
      • Kosta

        thats her alright….. looked better from behind

        • Jordan

          the whole thing would've been a bit more impressive

      • heathclif

        Much better from the back.

      • Yoda

        Excellent trolling my young padwa

    • Guest

      Just because you show off your butt doesn't mean it's nice or big. It's small ..need a woman's butt not some little girl

    • billyjack13

      She's gonna feed them to the beavers……

  • Mike

    #27 Paula out for a ride?

    • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

      Still a better ride than your mom.

      Hugs,
      Paula
      – Fan testimonial: "Thanks Paula, every time you post you make the retards pop out of the crowd. I give you your natural selection agent card. – DanforReal"

      • CanadianMedic

        you know why I love Paula? because every time someone tries to burn her with some stupid joke she makes them look like an ass, you'd think they'd learn. She is more clever and funnier than 90% of the ppl on here. She is the cheese to my macaroni!

        • keystone183

          You know why you don't falace a woman in the morning? You ever tried pulling apart a grilled cheese sandwich?

          • carl

            completely disgusting. but completely true.

            • Jen

              ew, is it really?

          • What???

            just as long as there is no ketchup

      • Mike

        Just trying to give you the attention you always crave, glad to help. I'm off to go water skiing. I'll have your dad home by midnight.

    • lols

      i love paula

      • Nope

        Asshole

  • Castaway1

    Say, girl. Can I get you on myyyyyspace?

    • TheDude

      ?

  • NcouthYouth

    #22 Bright future ahead

  • http://www.facebook.com/eeeeevie Evelyn Rodriguez

    #26 Your hands look like they could use a little exercise, anyways.

    • lols

      yeah they could. i bet her phone is slightly angled so she can get the numbers with those chubby, little fingers

  • BamBam

    #29 Apples newest operating system. OS X Mini Horse.

    • Mr_fn_T

      This pic must be old. Li'l Sebastian is 5000 candles in the wind, now.

    • Si1entStatic

      I'd trust the horse to get me to my destination more than the Apple Map App…..

    • Just me

      actually mini horses are supposed to be really good helper animals, some people use them instead of helper dogs

    • thom

      If so, every hipster will camp out for 5 day in order to pay $800 for it.

    • dirtysteve

      'Genius Bar' The most overhyped job title since 'barista'

  • http://twitter.com/TeaYouAreKay @TeaYouAreKay

    Hells Yeah Pismo Beach!!
    -Central Cali Chivers-

    • :-)

      Bet you are trashy

  • Larry

    #14 How I feel because I can only dream of #2.

    • Oscar M.

      Dude, she just had a cucumber in her. Dream of something that won't be like tossing a hotdog down a hallway.

  • steve

    #19 im sorry what was that?

  • ryan

    #15 yet another victim of apple maps

    • toboi

      nerd

    • Ari

      Hahaha. Apple maps.. the joke that keeps on giving.

  • Debop

    #18 I can't imagine why not!

    • ghjgcyhs

      nooooo duckfaces !!!

    • SOhioChiver

      (cat) no more poochies, now put me down

  • SAChiverSteven

    #2 Dat ASS

  • Parker

    I guess getting the new iPhone 5 is more interesting than a mini horse in an apple store #29

  • Short
    • rico

      thank you sir

  • mike

    #30 : KCCO guys! You don't know how to spell but KCCO anyway ! ๐Ÿ˜‰

    • Alex

      *Most Fun

    • Hootie

      Mike that's me in the BFM shirt….thanks for the love and yeah we know funnest isn't a word, there in lies the FUN! Kcco!

      • reclaimer

        i love Pismo Beach. im jealous i havent been there in a good 3 months or so. KCCO dudes.

  • 0331

    #29 Does your pony talk?
    No. it's a little horse.

  • Ian

    #25 is my hometown. Tacoma, Washington. We're a friendly and alcoholic people who inhabit a magically beautiful place that we've fooled the world into thinking is a shithole.

    • Alex

      Cool story

    • ChivetteKellie

      But it does smell like a shithole.

      • Richard

        Tacoma Aroma

    • The Guy

      I wish we could do that with Austin.

    • Brian

      My hometown is on the other side. Yes we all thought Tacoma was full of stinky alcoholics, when in reality is was the Gig Harbor Hillbilly's

  • http://twitter.com/scorpiontx77 @scorpiontx77

    #2 i'll be dreaming what to do with her & that cucumber

    • savagecabbage

      You're dreaming about fuckin her with a cucumber? Really??? REALLY???

      • Mmm_Beer

        I am

    • mittens

      Spoiler alert: she crams it in her snooch.

    • Alex

      Make her a salad and rub her feet?

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