Just A Bunch Of Hilarious Masturbation Euphemisms From Around The World

We all love masturbation, right? Right??? Ok, sure it’s embarrassing to admit, but at the end of the day, it’s something we all do (even if you’d rather die than be caught). Well, take heart — if there’s one thing this post will prove it’s that you’re not alone. Turns out, no matter where you go in the world, there’s one thing every country has in common: hilarious expressions for masturbation.

Yes, from Russia to India to Poland and Mexico, everyone’s favorite hobby has spawned a variety of colorful phrases. And while we’ve got classics like “choking the chicken” in the U.S., that’s nothing compared to “riding with manual control” (Russian) or “making the angels cry” (French).

So let’s take a trip around the world and learn various expressions for wrestling the bald-headed champ.

 

1. Sweden

euphemisms_sweden

Tukta den enögde – “Chastise the one-eyed”

Dra en Tarzan – “Pull a Tarzan”

Åka skinnhiss – “Ride the skin elevator”

Putsa fläsksvärdet – “Polish the pork sword”

Få jesusbarnet att gråta – “Make baby Jesus cry”

 

2. Russia

euphemisms_russia

гнать кефир – “Drive yogurt”

доить бычка – “Calf milk”

работать над собой – “Work hard”

замочить бельишко – “Wet underwear”

 

3. Romania

euphemisms_romania

A-i da-n cap lu’ mutu – “To hit the mute man on the head”

A strange pelicanul de gusa – To hold tightly the pelican by his mouth pouch”

 

4. Poland

euphemisms_poland

Walic konia – “Beat the horse”

Jechac na recznym – “Drive with a handbrake on”

 

5. Finland

euphemisms_finland

Vetää käteen – “To draw into hand”

Pelata taskubiljardia – “To play pocket billiards”

 

6. Japan

euphemisms_japan

 

7. Mexico

euphemisms_mexico

 Sacudirla – “To shake it”

Jalarla – “To pull it”

 

8. Estonia

euphemisms_estonia

Pihku peksma – “To beat into the palm”

Pihku nussima – “To fuck into the palm”

 

9. Norway

euphemisms_norway

 

10. France

euphemisms_france

Se branler – “Shake yourself”

Se toucher la nouille – “To touch your noodle”

S’astiquer le manche – “Polish your shaft”

Faire pleurer les anges/ le petit – “Make the angels/the little boy cry”

 

11. India

euphemisms_india

12. Thailand

euphemisms_thailand

13. Italy

euphemisms_italy

14. Hungary

euphemisms_hungary

Marokmarcsa – “Palm-Mary”

Zsebhoki – “Pocket hockey”

 

15. Denmark

euphemisms_denmark

16. Israel (Hebrew)

euphemisms_isreal

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