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10 advanced sex positions guaranteed to get her off (as told by horny squirrels)

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You spend every day struggling to gather your food, furnish your nest, and stay alive — despite your lowly position on the food chain. The last thing you should be worrying about is how to please your lady in bed.

Even if you aren’t the most adventurous breed, one of these moves is sure to tickle your fancy. This way, you can spend your spare time foraging for nuts, instead of foraging for her G-spot. Here are some foolproof positions that will blow her mind and leave you feeling satisfied. As told by horny squirrels…

 

1. The Bend-N-Snap

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Have her bend over in front of you, on all fours. Stand behind her, bending slightly, and take her from behind. This angle will make her clitoris particularly happy, while also allowing you to grip her hips for plenty of control. Be forewarned, though: if you try this one outside, you’ll probably get a little dirty.

 

2. The Low-Key Lay-Down

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Here’s one for when both of you are feeling like lazy hibernators. Have her lay flat beneath you, then lay directly on top of her and enter from behind. This position allows for some great intimacy, and ensures that you won’t have to experience the wrath of one another’s morning breath. Don’t attempt this position on a tree branch, as chafing may ensue.

 

3. The Sideways 69

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Focus on her pleasure and comfort by laying on your sides to perform the classic 69 position. There really is no better way to wrangle yourself a win-win situation than with both of you servicing one another orally. Plus, you get a great view of her tail — I mean, butt.

 

4. The Rowdy Room Service

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Anyone who’s gone through an intense round of boinking can verify that coitus works up quite an appetite. So, why not combine two pleasures by taking your lady from behind while she enjoys a nice, snack break? Many couples find that incorporating food (and lickable massage oils) into their bedroom routine successfully spices things up — so why be shy about sexualizing your snacks? Side note: you should always ask nicely before stealing a bite of your lover’s food, lest you get bitten (in a bad way).

 

5. The Sexy Suspension

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For those who are feeling a tad ho-hum in their sexual lives, this position is all about adventure, balance, and a hint of danger. No, really — there’s a significant chance you will fall and hurt yourself. Accomplish this daring sexual feat by having your partner grip a sturdy object (like a pole or doorframe) and carefully lean back on her heels until she is mostly supporting herself with her arms. Then, hang on to her waist for dear life, and pump away while you can. Make sure the first aid kit is nearby.

 

6. The Snuggler

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For those moments when a thick outer layer of fur just isn’t cozy enough. Have your partner sit on your lap, facing away from you, while you penetrate her from behind. The key to this move is to fully utilize the cuddling options at your disposal with this position. Don’t be afraid to hug your partner, so they know that you’re really, truly into it. An especially fun move for when you’re outside in the snow, slowly developing frostbite!

 

7. The Upright Citizen

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This quick ‘n dirty position is all about efficiency. Have her stand and lean against a tree (oh, did I not mention that you’re both outside?), then enter her from behind, while also standing. This position is essentially standing doggy-style, and provides a great sense of sneaky urgency that will be sure to get her heart pounding. Plus, if you hear anybody coming, you can just scamper up the tree!

 

8. The Raunchy Wrestler

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Playfulness is essential to a healthy sex life. Up the irreverence in your bedroom by turning the standard missionary position into a rolling and rollicking affair. Simply begin with standard, face-to-face intercourse, then challenge her to see if she can pin you/steal your collection of nuts. The ensuing, playful struggle (while you’re still inside her) will definitely rev both your engines.

 

9. The Lean-To

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Have your partner lean over a table or flat surface, while standing on her tip-toes, then enter her from behind. This angle provides the benefits of doggy-style, while also providing slightly more control and a better angle for hitting her G-spot. Be aware of where you bury your face, though, as you may end up with a mouthful of fur.

 

10. The Group Chat

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Sometimes, three isn’t a crowd. Depending on the preferences of your third participant, arrange yourselves in a line, all facing the same direction. Enter the partner in front of your from behind, while they digitally stimulate the person in front of them. As long as everybody is on the same page, this can be a great way to liven things up in your bedroom. And who knows? You may find someone else to share your tree branch, if you know what I mean …

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