2. A girl called me “champ”. Like “yeah champ!” It was fucking terrible.
3. During a one night stand in college, the girl I was having sex with was on top of me and sang the song “happy birthday” in its entirety while haphazardly bouncing to the beat of her own panting. Every time I attempted to interject playfully or reposition our beast with two backs in hopes of putting an end to this seemingly satanic rhythm, she would force me back down. Hard. It was not my birthday.
4. “No don’t touch my feet”, it’s like bitch why are we even doing this then
5. “haha you look like hitler when you lick me”