They say having kids will change your life. Well no sh*t, you just created a little drunk person. What they fail to tell you is apparently the more spawn you produce, the more the game changes. If these are anything close to reality, it’s no wonder being the middle child is such a nightmare—Parents no longer give a shit and oldest isn’t old enough to save your ass yet.
1st Kid
It’s all hands on deck for this first kid. You take all the precautions. You sleep in shifts. This one may as well live in bubble wrap.
2nd Kid
You’re still trying to catch up on sleep when this terror enters the world. Kid #1 can’t babysit yet, so you still have to be a protective parent. Luckily, all the safety shit is still in place because you’re too tired to remove any of it.
3rd Kid
Are you serious? You did this to yourself a third time? Thank god for your first born who just became mom, dad, guardian angel and first and foremost, the example of what NOT to do. At least that’s what you hear when #1 checks in with the status report.
4th Kid
For the love of god, birth control! It’s FTW with this one. He/she has several siblings to learn the ins and outs from. It’s time to put ‘survival of the fittest’ to the test.
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