Daily Afternoon Randomness (49 Photos)

  • danny

    #1, #49
    I am temporarily unable to Keep Calm

    • Master_Rahl

      couldn't agree more!

    • dub

      #31 omg MOAR

    • Chiveaholic

      hell yea

    • EdWood

      #38 Chivette get together?

  • sarah


    Sorry about your penis

    • jimmy

      that's about all you CAN say…

    • jjj

      you should really tell people you broke it trick fucking or something cooler then "bent it the wrong way half asleep"

      • Lowrent75

        I know..tell them you broke it try to have sex standing up in a hammock…SOMETHING!!

      • jason_in_pc

        ui broke 3 ribs during sex one time… i ran into my wife after having been seperated for 3 years. got a little drunk and pretty freaky.. i was standing on the bed on one leg and then i was on the floor next to a broken end table.
        er called the cops in because they did not believe it was an accident, they thought it was domestic violence.

        • jimmy

          cool story old man, go away

          • LesterFreeman

            Not very nice Jimmy – I expect more from a Chiver – especially one named Jimmy.

            I used to have to supervise a special-nneds kid named Jimmy growing up. He used to wipe poop all over the wall and then try to fight people. Are you the same Jimmy?

            • Oh Haiii

              Your 'name' is Lester Freeman, but you comment seems to be written in the tone of Cleveland from Family Guy.

              • Joe

                I went back and read it in Cleveland's voice. Thank you

        • DWD

          I don't particularly care for you, but that is a pretty interesting story.

    • Jen

      pics or it didnt happen

    • Andrew

      god am I sorry. You must have a huge wang to roll over and just break it.

    • vindi

      Thats why snorting viagra is a bad idea.

    • Guest

      Guys a dummy. you can't FRACTURE a penis.

      • J.T.

        Your boner has no bone in it

      • Fact Maker
        • Henrik

          God, that sounds really painfull!

        • dweber77

          I threw up in my mouth…

      • chivchivchivaroo

        correction you cant fracture a penis but you can do the equivalent while sporting wood… read the horror stories about awkward girls trying to ride aggressively and the damage that comes after… yikes.

        • That Hurt

          One of those awkward girls was my first gf.

    • Darkside

      Thats the BEST cover you could come up with for furious marathon masturbation gone awry? Come on son. And you were 'half sleep'….GTFOH.

    • http://twitter.com/Galloway @Galloway

      "The hammer is my penis." – Captain Hammer

    • chivealaive

      Shoulda said………..
      Having amazing fap session to hump day (or Shay, LG, Dylan, even Paula), miss shifted changing gears with a bad muscle cramp and almost ripped it off. Causing a , wait for it…………..fractured penis

    • The Spicy Italian

      Yeah, i won't be sleeping after reading that… ever

    • Foosbah

      why the fuck would he want people to know this? talk about oversharing……

  • Will

    #1, #28, #48, #49

    Chive just broke the internet. That was so good I almost stood up and started singing the National Anthem.

    • sanders

      I just cranked up AC/DC's 'Shoot to Thrill' and went thru the DAR again. fucking awesome

  • Doug

    Early DAR? FUCK YEA!

    • Trollerderby

      I've got an IP address, Chive. Can you milk ME?

    • Velocifaptor

      Had a job interview today. They asked me what sort of blogging/social media experience I have. I said "Does trolling on The Chive count?"

      • Velocifaptor

        Nailed it.

        • Velocifaptor

          That's what our mom said. ZING

          • Velocifaptor

            If you're going to go through the trouble of stealing my awesome name and replying to my comment, at least make it worthwhile next time.

            • Velocifaptor

              I was going to do that, but I didn't want to ruin your reputation.

              • Velocifaptor

                You mean "our reputation."

                • Velocifaptor


  • Robert Paulson

    #1, #2

    She's already a 10. Bilson goes to 11?

  • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

    Hasn't anyone else found the Chive meetup easter egg on the front page yet? Subtle, shows just a photo (won't spoil it!), of someone who I suppose will be there august 4th…? If so: pretty awesome!!

    – "Paula is to Chivettes as DAR man is to awesome…"
    — LG – twitpic.com/5q3g21

    • Shawn

      Suck balls Paula. No one cares.

      • Veritas


      • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

        I can't suck balls. Ever. My breath always makes them retract all the way back in.

        – the one you love to hate

        • jose valdez


    • guest

      There's a reason your picture is a troll. Although resemblance may play a role.

    • http://www.facebook.com/jonathan.prack Jonathan Prack

      Um…I'm pretty sure everyone knows its in Chicago #21

      • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

        Argh, learn to read.

        – "Paula is to Chivettes as DAR man is to awesome…"
        — LG – twitpic.com/5q3g21

    • http://www.facebook.com/ranDgallegos Randy Gallegos

      i just stared at the front page for 5mins and cant figure this out. any hope of some help on this one?

      • First Time Caller

        Or Paula just trolled you pretty good

        • http://www.facebook.com/ranDgallegos Randy Gallegos

          troll she may be, but it's been proven she has "insider info" on TheChive so it wouldn't surprise me in the least if her comment was true.

    • NebraskaGuy

      Yeah, I've tilted my screen, I've moused all over the place looking for hidden links … am I close?
      I don't see anything out of the ordinary … got any other hints?

      • Velocifaptor

        Here's a hint: IT'S A FUCKING TROLL.

        • TrollHater

          Here's another hint – you're an ass, so if you don't have anything useful or helpful to add, why don't you just STFU?

          • Velocifaptor

            Because it's a free fucking country, asshole.

            • suckit

              Velocifaptor you are the obvious asshole! Go away, no one likes you here. But maybe that's why you're here in the first place, isn't? You're hated everywhere you go because of your attitude and arrogant behavior.
              If Paula had a dick, I'd cut it off her and shove it so far up your most likely already-lubed ass you'd taste thechive for goddamned week!

              • Obviously.


                • Apparently


                  • Presumably


              • Bro.


          • DWD

            How was that not useful?

      • DUMBASS

        Big surprise that a guy from Nebraska can't understand…

        • TrollHater

          Ok dipshit, then YOU tell us the answer, since you're so intelligent!

          • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=27206114 Michael Ricketts

            welcome to the interwebz,,,,,the weak will be killed and eaten. heads up….dont go to Yellow Bullet.com

    • Dinner...NOW

      Get back in the fucking kitchen, you fat whore cunt!

    • Kmac

      #39 Pretty cool house for a troll

      • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

        I have everything I need right there… ❤

        – the one you love to hate

      • LaLakers2408

        i wish i had that pic above my bed

    • Lord of the Fries

      It IS there but just bloody hard to find. I'm sure you knew all along where it was because you surely didn't discover that by accident. But then again you having inside info is nothing new either, is it?

    • Monk

      OMG Ghost Writer may be coming?! I used to mildly enjoy that show back in the early 90's! He used to help kids solve crimes in Brooklyn, now he is hovering above a restaurant in Chicago for some reason. Count me IN!

    • LeoC

      Damn it i clicked a pic and got told the chive did my mom

      • Troof

        No you didn't. But they probably did. Everyone else has.

    • Sploooge


    • http://www.thechive.com DistractedIndividual

      Still don't get it…I know it's obviously in Chi town…But what is this about an 'Easter egg'?
      Hint? Please:D

      • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

        Oh there is no easter egg, just wanted you guys to thoroughly check the frontpage layout for any issues. None reported, so Chive On!

        – officially approved bij Lauren ❤

  • Pete_Mitchell

    #41 Ditto

    • BaseballRube

      FU©K YEAH! #41.
      And #23 ain't so bad either.

    • http://www.youtube.com/user/ADHDavenger13?feature=mhsn Firefighter23

      We just had Hi-C at the fire house (for the kids.) They didn't like it. So we drank it all.

      • Rock N Troll

        Just proves that kids are dumb.

    • brett

      Pick up some Hi-C Orange Lavaburst… same taste different color… I know, I know, the fact that it was green like slimer was pretty fucking cool!

    • Dan

      I'm simultaneously happy and sad at this.

  • First Time caller

    Fuck I am starving right now and #12 looks silly good.


      That's from the lunchbox laboratory here in Seattle…..they are AWESOME!

    • Darkside

      I need that in my life. But not until I complete my last will and testament.

  • Leroy

    #39 What! The! Fuck!??

    • Velocifaptor

      Didn't know Paula lives in a 5* hotel in Afghanistan…

      • TheAndychrist

        Your name wins the internetz.

    • hMMMM

      So Lauren IS Paula then? What is it with those bedrooms?

      • http://twitter.com/soy_LG @soy_LG

        Not sure about the bedroom thing, Paula us the troll, but nah. I'm not her – I get home at 5 each day and don't have access to theChive at work, so that's one way to tell right there. In plus, 'she's' far too hilarious to be me. 🙂

        • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

          No access to the Chive at work? That would enough reason for me to change jobs dear <3.

          – the one you love to hate

          • http://twitter.com/soy_LG @soy_LG

            Good point! lol Anything that's done on federal computers is government knowledge, so playing on theChive would not be such a good idea. Gmail is blocked as is a lot of other sites also! I love the site, but I do have to say that my job does PWN. 😉

            • its_forge

              Well, that's a perfectly good excuse to have a really kickass smartphone then. One your bosses don't pay for that is.

              • MMMMh

                If you log on to m.thechive.com the comment section is different, which makes it so none of my favorite and least favorite commenters show up.

            • Kaldar

              Hmmm, we have something on our computers called 'iAccess', it's under the control panel in Run Programs, check it out you might find it under your system, allows Facebook, chive, gmail and hotmail, twitter.

              • http://twitter.com/soy_LG @soy_LG

                Definitely not on the computers that I work on. There IS internet but the DoHS has restrictions (and rightfully so). Most everything is blocked and the computer is pretty bare-bones as it is. :/

        • Interesting Truth

          A lot of typos in that statement. If you weren't a hot chivete your post would be decimated by the grammar nazis.

          • Grammar Nazi

            I hate when people assume they know what I'm going to do and when. Zis iz blasphemy!

            • qwerty

              I read that out loud.

          • http://twitter.com/soy_LG @soy_LG

            Ah shit. Didn't look at what was typed before I posted. That's what having the worst day of your life does to you – spelling is the first thing that goes to shit, apparently.

            • Question

              The worst day of your life couldn't possibly be a Wednesday.

        • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

          Well if I'm hilarious we should get together. I like hilarious in a woman ifyouknowwhatImean, wink wink, nudge nudge ❤

          – what, too corny?

      • hMMMM

        WHAT THE FUCK WHO ARE YOU?!?!!?!?!?

      • hMMMM

        No way you just fucking took my name WTF dude

        • hMMMM

          No dude, you took my name.

          • hMMMM

            No dude, you.

            • hMMMM


              • hMMMM


                • hMMMM

                  What does mine say?

                  • hMMMM

                    If we all had sex, would it be considered 'Gay'… or just 'masterbation'?

                    • Question

                      On that note, do gay people masturbate to photos of themselves, or looking at themselves in the mirror?

                    • hMMMM

                      C-C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER

    • TheAndychrist

      In case you didn't notice, Lauren Gentile showed a picture of her room with a framed photo of Paula's monkey picture (in yesterday's DAR, I believe). So this picture reverses it.

      • Mr. Marshyd13

        no, i have a life, so i missed it.

        • Chesty Laroo

          Chive is Life!!

  • Hand of Fate

    #46 Very nice gif, Dylan! Thank you!

    • That guy

      I could watch that all day long!

    • mitter78

      I usually never say this, but I couldn't scroll past that gif. Amazing.

    • http://www.facebook.com/brandon.anyzeski Brandon AnyZesty

      Thank God it's the ass this time.

    • J.D.

      I like how kind you are to the source of jerking off.

    • GREG


    • worth a shot

      broke this apart of gifninja but sadly no hidden frames 😦 still nice

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1109381946 Daniel Patrick Scannell

      That woman is a goddamn saint. Bless you and your kind heart.

    • jakubwrobel

      I couldn't stop starring at it.

    • aleXTC

      Holy freakin jesus

    • JimmyJ

      best. gif(t). ever.

    • Rahm Emanuel

      I think it says all this and brains too…but I am not sure…I am going to keep looking until I know…

    • Charlie

      Dylan, i didnt realize you were a Redditor….

    • Apollo

      Time for the other Chivettes to follow suit?

    • http://www.gfys.org/ CHIVER


    • its_forge

      Dylan's keister is without equal.

  • http://thechive.com ontherun1989

    #10 I laughed to hard at this one. #44 Straight up awesome. #21 I'll be there!

    • Trollerderby

      May I suggest a haircut before the meet-up, you know, so you don't like like a Kenny G lookalike?

      • http://thechive.com ontherun1989

        I did get my haircut, just haven't gotten around to changing my photo yet.

    • http://twitter.com/svp318 @svp318

      I'm a Chiver from Ecuador who happened to be here in Chicago for the summer. This meetup is an awesome coincidence =D.. sooooo see ya there and every other chiver who goes there

      • Tungurahua

        I am watching you. Do not dishonor our country.

    • Darkside

      Lmao. I freakin HOLLERED @ #10 I wonder how far they got before they noticed he wasnt on board….

      • Hudson River Guide

        the trip with no guide probably wouldn't be much different than with for them. HRRC has been kicked off of at least 2 of the rivers in NY (the Hudson River Gorge and the Sacandaga). It's owner has been arrested for allegedly sending people down the HRG not only without a NYS licensed guide, but without a guide at all. The HRG is a class III/IV/V (intermediate/expert) river trip. It is not a choose your own adventure. That said, great pic, and props to the guide on the Black River for the innovative launch.

  • Kawz

    #46 Your ass is fucking terrific.

    • Velocifaptor

      Thanks brah, I've been working out.

    • DaddyD

      And terrific fucking?

    • Ha.Ha.

      You're a ho

      • EdWood


        • max

          u r a jealous girl with no ass………or gay

        • max

          at least i hope you are. i want to get fucked in the ass soooo hard and bad. mmmmm….

      • max

        u r a jealous girl with no ass………or gay

    • DWD

      Now that's a GIF I can get… behind!

  • Tim

    #36 Well theres that

    • Angry Kid

      Man I fucking hate comments like this. Just makes me lose all my cool. I wish I could take that useless fucking garbage comment, mold it into a cricket bat and smash your fingers with it until they look like fucking pancakes. Then I'd take those fat sausage pancake fingers and and feed them to Paula.

      • Xsoldier2000


        • Angry Kid

          Yes, I mad bro.

          • hMMMM

            Serenity now

          • Big C


          • Bluto

            Not mad. Angry. Remember your name.

    • Morgan Freeman

      Zooey > Katy

      • EdWood

        one's an indie hipster bitch, the other is a top of the pops skank. both of them can fuck off.

        • Mutt

          Ed, I am sorry but due to your radical, illogical and downright unamerican ideas you have been put on the watchlist for Fools and guys who's junk doesn't act right.
          Please report to your local strip club for 'reconditioning'.

        • Apollo

          Don't listen to Mutt, Ed. There's no shame in being right.

  • born2chive

    thank you hump day DAR, now get some more T-shirts!!!

    • Cate

      I vote they start selling the ones in #30… so legit! 🙂

  • jeremy

    #1, #2


    • william

      i met her once, she was obviously busy but she took the time to take photos with me and my little brother. not surprised she's a Chivette at all

    • Patrick

      went to school with her briefly (Grossmont College). one of the sweetest girls on campus…. and scorching hot of course.

    • key grip

      dunno why you're getting thumbed down, mate. she has a great reputation here in hollyweird and she's a chivette. you have my thumb at any rate

    • Trollerderby

      WE. WANT. REAL. WOMEN. Get her a damn sandwich!

      • placid

        Stop. doing. that.

        • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

          and. get. her. that. sandwich!

          – the one you love to hate

          • Obviously.

            Ob. vi. ous. ly.

            • HAHSO


            • Presumably

              Pre. sum. a. bly.

  • Brother Maynard

    #2 #3 well done Chive.

    • Trollerderby

      What, didn't like the other 47 pictures?

  • Capitalsfan74

    #33 Chase him down and take the gold, that's what.

  • DementedGeek

    #37 Find her.

    • https://www.facebook.com/stephan.tamminga Stephan Tamminga

      Personally I like this shot of hers better:

      And yeah, find her 🙂

    • disturbed

      Went to bed with…. Woke up with….

    • http://echogeo.wordpress.com/ echogeo

      Yeah, I had a feeling we'd see her again…and again…and again…

    • NothingToSeeHere

      The blue one looks just like Giada De Laurentiis

      • Sk8erAIDE

        Also, Lady Gaga.

        • HAHSO


    • usnndy

      Its Meagan Marie (formerly Meagan VanBurkleo). She used to work at GameInformer and she loves doing cosplays

  • J.D.

    I see what you did there… #2#3

    • Did That

      I did what you see there.

  • keithp420

    The Chive makes my week go by smoother…

    • Angry Kid

      Great story, I don't give a fuck.

      • keithp420

        did your mom laugh at your penis size again?

        • Rock N Troll

          Great combination of a mom and penis joke all-in-one, did you buy that at the blue light special at KMart?

  • Crapflilnger

    #28, don't know which doctor lied to you, but you can't fracture something that doesn't have a bone in it

    • http://www.facebook.com/ranDgallegos Randy Gallegos
    • yea, you can

      called a penile fracture….

      • Rock N Troll

        Jesus, this happened to me like 10 years ago. It hurt like hell but I never went to the doctor. The good news is, it all still works just fine!

    • bigmikeskinsfan
      • http://www.facebook.com/ranDgallegos Randy Gallegos

        for the love of GOD dont go to the google images… dont say i didnt warn you… *shutter*

        • yea, you can

          why would you need a picture of such things?

        • http://www.facebook.com/FlibseyEmma Emma Oliver


        • bigmikeskinsfan

          hahaha..i didnt even thnk about that. thanks for the warning though!!—

        • April

          I hate when people say that. Then I automatically do whatever it is they warned against. DO NOT make my mistake. It's WAY worse than you think.

          • Velocifaptor


            • thrillho

              username win right there

              • Velocifaptor

                Just for you…. Pterofaptyl. Enjoy!

          • http://www.facebook.com/ranDgallegos Randy Gallegos

            i did try to warn you all… i think i need therapy now…

          • Bluto

            Cannot be worse than blue waffles.

        • http://www.thechive.com DistractedIndividual

          Holey baJeezus! I should not have looked…..:'(

          • I keeps it real!

            OH MY BABY LORD JESUS AND THAT MARY PERSON AND SOME OTHER DUDE..that was just wrong….sure at first i was like well hell it can't be THAT bad….oh yes yes it was

        • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1109381946 Daniel Patrick Scannell

          I fucking hate you. You KNEW I'd go to it if you said that but only if it was said. I can never unsee that. FUCK!!!! Yes, I know that I'm being irrational and it's not your fault, but fuck you anyway.

          • YUNO


            • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1109381946 Daniel Patrick Scannell

              Because I'm an idiot and looked up those pics after he specifically warned us against it. When someone does that, it's like a crackhead about to score a rock. I HAD to go to google images. Stupid me. LOL

              • http://www.facebook.com/ranDgallegos Randy Gallegos

                have a whole new affection for your own man hose now dont you?

    • NothingToSeeHere

      Ouch dude!!! Best of luck on a speedy recovery. While they're in there sewing you back together, you should see if they can stick an extra 4 or 5 inches on there…

      • GayPaul

        But then he may choke me!

    • Bubba

      Masturbation FAIL

    • Keri

      Half asleep my ass!

      • Bluto

        That could explain the penile fracture.

  • jason_in_pc

    #12 i demand to know where!

  • Verbal_Kint

    #48 That is one smokin' hot chivette. More please.

    • max

      here is the chivette of the week or the month or the year……what a hell, you could easily be the queen of the chivettes

    • Thejester7288

      Im with this guy!!! Holy shitballs.

    • thepikeypio


      • Macko


  • laxcat36

    #25 honesty is the best policy

  • Dan

    #38 Lol! Bet there's lots of vagisil there.

    • Verbal_Kint

      Nice one! more yeast than a bakery….

    • Kagetid

      You have to say it out loud with enthusiasm

    • http://twitter.com/robotinside @robotinside

      I believe what you mean is Valtrex.

    • EdWood

      they're obviously chivettes.

      • Bingo!

        nah chivettes don't use vagisil – they just keep the spunk on there from the last guy and move on to the next!

    • max

      and no panties whatsoever

    • Justin

      Dom Mazzetti serves them plan B omelets on the reg

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