Jordan Carver is using the Twitter Machine properly (30 Photos)

Born in a small town in Germany with Italian roots, Jordan Carver moved to America and has since become an internet darling. You'll recognize many of the photos below that's for certain. Jordan also keeps a very candid Twitter Machine, I highly recommend it.

Say hello to Jordan on her Twitter Machine.

Jordan’s Twitter Machine.

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  • Barry

    #27

    My girlfriend can pull off that move with one hand, it takes Jordan her entire arm.

    • Skermitt

      Too big for me. Imagine those things in about…. 10 years? 20 years?! Oh my.

      • Joe

        In 10 or 20 years the will still be right where they are because they are not real, derp.

        • Guest

          Actually, Joe, you can see they're already headed south, and unless she does them again she'll end up looking like a bigger version of Donita Dunes (NSFW).

      • BOOB FREEDOM

        Just enjoy these things while they last. Everyone's body will go to shit in the end. She will be wealthy and satisfied in the knowledge that she enjoyed herself.

      • hellojello

        They're fake. They'll always look amazing, that's the advantage over natural, though they might not feel the greatest.
        32HH cups

        • Great Dane

          Better small than fake. Fake boobs are only attractive when partially covered with clothes

          • Nbl

            You deserve. Round of applause with that comment. I doff my cap

    • http://facebook.com/dyquen Dyquen

      HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I see what you did there.

    • bdg

      I freaking LOVE Jordan Carver!!!!! #30 Please Jordan be mine!!!!!

    • bdg

      I Love Jordan Carver!!!!!! #30 Jordan please be mine!!!!!!

  • AB

    Jesus Christ.

    • SayIWont

      my thoughts exactly!

    • Guest

      Holy mother of God.

  • Trolololo

    Those hits are tuge!

    • Mr. Milk

      Hoo tuge if you ask me

      • gross

        much too large

        • Just Me

          To each their own. The bigger the better I say.

    • Kato

      I believe the correct term would be gazongas.

  • forrester

    #30

    I could see that photo 100 more times and it would still make my day

    • Ba Durr

      agreed. and why in all that is hot with tig bittiys are there not any gifs of this woman?

  • Damon

    #9

    please bring her to the next meetup… in Edmonton

    • Yessir

      you spelt Toronto wrong.

    • albertaoil

      Edmonton is the asshole of Canada… just no

      • Rich

        Then why are there so many hot Edmonton chivettes?

    • Bob

      Let's go Edmonton woo!

      • yoyo

        Edmonton Chivettes, they need a weekly post

    • Sam

      When Mayor Mandel doesn't properly budget for snow removal again, we can use those tig ol' bitties as tobaggans. 😉

    • ratedgg13

      try a real city… like Calgary!

      • flamesrflamers

        Yeah, the only Canadian city praying the U.S will Annex Canada

  • bigcityreem

    #30 Nice hand bra. She's sort of like Denise Milani. She gives you just enough, but won't bare all.

  • FuckUSD

    #3 Holy shit!

    • Rave Kitty

      What… Are you surprised she can read

      • what

        she's only looking at the pictures

        • http://www.realsports247.com RealSports247.com

          haha both comments made me laugh

  • Sherlock

    She is the hottest woman on earth.

    • what

      maybe if she was in a volcano

      • Sherlock

        Kumamako

  • Almoney13

    #4 #10 Dear lord… I'd walk a mile in broken glass to suck the dick that fucked that last

    • negative nancy

      gayyyyyy.

    • ohiobob

      I'd drag my balls thru 3 miles of broken glass just to beat off in her shadow_

      • tv_paul

        I'd massage her breast if she'd let me (No glass or other penis stuff) I guess I'm just not that committed.

        • pn_traul

          "breast"? which one tranny? you should be committed, butt-breath.

      • what

        I'm betting that 3 miles worth of broken glass in your balls might give you some trouble when you got there

    • SUPer4Life

      I'll send you my address…..

      Sincerley,
      The guy who fucked that last.

      • Ron

        Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

    • Matt

      I'd drag my dick thru a mile of broken glass just to hear her fart through a walkie talkie.

      • tim

        Funny.

    • Gradaddy

      gay as aids

  • Luke

    You motorboatin sonofabitch

    • Rob

      im sure someone would happily sufficate… me first

  • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

    Anything moar than a mouthful is wasted.

    Hugs,
    Paula
    – the one you love to hate

    • Yuppp

      Quit being jealous because hers don't sag to the floor like yours. Gross, go away Paula.

      • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

        Do keep in mind I have a big mouth…

        Hugs,
        Paula
        – Fan testimonial: "I was almost impressed you managed to include two whole testimonials and still beat all the other trolls to first. – MarthaJeane"

        • JSJ

          And it's not good for talking….

          • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

            Meow what is it good for then, mr. knowitall? Well?

            Hugs,
            Paula
            – Fan testimonial: "I'm conflicted by the fact that you seem to be winning over alot of chivers (including me) with your witty trolling I want to hate you but can't seem to do it! – Canadianmedic"

            • Dr_StrangePants

              Facilitating the consumption of foot-long hot-dogs from the local confectioner.

    • TheBAMFinater

      Damn it, now I have to thumb this up. Crap.

    • Loco Monkey

      Love you Paula

  • Solitaire

    Jordan Carver Yoga is the best yoga.

    And…
    #30 she could kill me with those things, but I'd be okay with it.

    • https://www.facebook.com/tyler.bueckert.3 Tyler Bueckert

      I would idea happy man!

    • JLW

      I disagree, SJU yoga is the best yoga

      • Solitaire

        Yeah, you may actually have me there. Touché.

  • Rave Kitty

    Are they real???

    • ken

      real nice

    • would

      I have a very nice, real, Rolex I'd like to sell you.

      • breal

        OF course there real havent you ever seen a set of tits ken?

        • Spelling Police

          *they're – stay in school.

    • me2

      If you can touch them they're real

    • ChurchoftheFonz

      If they exist, they're real….

  • Mike Hunt

    Pretty girl, but fake tits are fake.

    • http://www.projectmason.com sowasred2012

      Santa Claus isn't real either but that doesn't mean you don't like opening his presents.

      • tv_paul

        Yeah, but at least Santa comes to my house once a year and nibbles on my cookies. I don't think she'll ever do that or me:(

      • dave

        thats a retarded logic because they're not santa's presents.

  • HueW

    #25 wow she looks pretty craptastic without any makeup on..looks like an average white lady with fake boobs and blonde hair..what's new? Nothing special whatsoever and no I'm not trolling just don't get why women like this are praised like they are goddesses when in reality they look good only because they have had work done or has been airbrushed to look good

    • Yeahhh

      Good luck ever getting a girl that looks even half as good as her. Get over yourself.

      • Guest

        He didn't say anything wrong I totally agree…boob jobs and tons of makeup ..sorry but that doesn't make an attractive woman..says a lot about how she views herself

      • o no he didnt

        Because everyones perception of beauty is the same bro.

    • RandomChiver

      Wait, what the hell is wrong with an average white lady with fake boobs and blonde hair?!

      • Troll

        Everything!

    • ohyesshespretty

      I totally get why she does it. And I don't think it says a lot about how she sees herself.
      But I say that my missus looks prettier without make-up.
      Now I just need to get her some jugs.

    • Steve

      Looks like asschecks w nipples on her chest

    • sam

      still would, or should i say still wood.

    • GUEST

      She looks busted when she isn't done up…busted with big tits…so at least that's a plus but look at her she looks rough as fuck

  • whyme1973

    #4 #8 #10 #21 #30 Look at the funbags on that hosehound.

    • http://www.thechivefun.com www.thechivefun.com

      LLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE…..

  • tv_paul

    #21 I don't care if its Vegas, if I got even a back of the hand brush by of those I'm telling everyone.

    • Yerp

      There's no way in hell she will ever have to spend a penny in Vegas.

    • Verbal_Kint

      And then whisper sweetly to her "thanks for the mammaries"…

      • tv_paul

        Unfortunately, I'm more like Bob Hopeless than Bob Hope. but I'll try:

        Thanks for the mammaries, it's nice to meet you two, it's really quite a view, you're very sweet and petite but your boobs make me say giggity giggity goo , How lovely they are.

  • loose_deuce

    Gross fake tits are gross.

  • Addicted to sex

    #10
    Sometimes too much is TOO MUCH!
    I prefer a natural lady any day!

    • Camel Jockey

      Toe alert

    • John Robert

      You cannot be serious. I have waited all my life to bed a woman with her measurements. Too much? No. She's not too much, she is sexually perfect in every way.

    • TommyKnockers

      I laugh at the guys who say "they sag too much" or "they are too fake"…seriously men? If she gave you..that look…you'd all say "yes". You couldn't say Yes fast enough. Don't lie to us or yourself.

      And this goes for all the negative comments on FLBP, or sexy chivettes, or bored at work.. or anything on this site…even the crazy russian shit 🙂

  • jay

    actual FLBP

    • weldsoft

      Present lower back pain… Nothing future about it!

  • Dibo

    #21 She must have an insanely strong back

  • http://twitter.com/kolby182 @kolby182

    #4 as a huge boob lover, my friends sometimes ask me "How big before they're too big?" I usually use Jordan as a good reference point on the perfect size.

    • Verbal_Kint

      I support and endorse this comment 100%. I'm standing on my chair applauding. I'm also fond of Coco Austin's curves. Top and bottom.

    • GUEST

      Secindthe comment coming from a boobie addict

    • Tarkus

      Thirded… for me she's just right.

  • CoolGuy

    Holy God what size are those!?

    • Addicted to sex

      Mountain.

  • Moska

    Chi-Chis' Christ!

  • ORL

    #10

    Mother of all it is great. Are those flotation devices US Coast Guard Approved?

    • http://www.thechivefun.com www.thechivefun.com

      *<3:*<3:*<3

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