So you want to become one with nature? Do you even know what to do if you see a bear in the wild?
If you said piss yourself, scream like a school girl and run like hell, congratulations, you’re grizzly food. According to Hellawalla, your first course of action is to figure out if the bear has noticed you. If not, ninja the f*ck out of there (quietly).
If the bear approaches you, for the love of god do not shout, “Go away you big stupid beast.” Bears don’t like yelling any more than they like name calling. Instead, stand your ground, remain quiet and wave your arms gently. This should* signal the bear that you’re actually not bear food.
*You may in fact be bear food today.
If you’re attacked, you’re effed but to minimize the damage, play dead.