In Tommy Boy, Chris Farley‘s character admits to eating paint chips as a child. What’s the deal with lead paint? It was banned in 1977, because it’s toxic—but the chemical makeup of lead paint is sweet, making it irresistible to kids. They just don’t know any better, which means us marginally smarter adults have come up with warning labels and safety measures to ensure that kids don’t eat poison or choke on toys.
Nintendo Switch cartridges. The game cartridges for Nintendo’s new Switch system are tiny, just a couple square inches, which means toddlers are definitely going to pop ’em in their mouths. Nintendo was proactive: The games are pre-coated with a chemical substance that tastes unbelievably, sickeningly bitter.
Hangers. Metal and pointy is not tasty.
Aqua Dots. Bindeez, also called Aqua Dots, were a bead-based craft kit first available in the mid-2000s. Australia, the U.S., and some European countries banned them in 2007 when two Australian children swallowed a bunch of the beads and got really sick. As it turns out, they weren’t just sick from eating a bunch of plastic, but because of an ingredient in the toy—toxic butanediol…which when metabolized turns into the drug GHB. More than 4 million sets were recalled in the U.S. When they returned to stores—made with different chemicals—the toy was renamed Pixos and a new TV ad and message on the box promised that they were “Safety Tested.”
Ipod Shuffles. They’re the size of food. That doesn’t mean their food. Apple had to tell people not to iPods.
Burger King Pokéballs. Pokémon was at its peak in 1999, and Burger King scored the lucrative deal to sell red-and-white Pokémon-catching Pokéballs in their kids meals. Sadly, it was too large to fit easily in a kid’s mouth, but they did create a seal over a kid’s mouth and nose. That happened to at least two kids: one child died and another was saved before it was too late. The Consumer Safety Product Commission ruled the toys were safe but only for kids over 3, so the toys were then handed out to kids at least that old. As for the ones that had already been given away to toddlers, Burger King offered a free small order of fries to anybody who wanted to get rid of their Pokéballs.
Bitrex. A chemical called denatonium benzoate, or under its trade name of Bitrex, has been around since the ’50s. It’s added to antifreeze, perfumes, and pesticides. It’s been called the world’s worst tasting substance, and it’s added to household chemicals so if kids taste them once, they’ll immediately put them down.
Peanuts. Allergies to nuts, especially peanuts, have become epidemic. Many packaged foods have a warning label about peanuts if there’s even the remote possibility that the factory where it was made also processed foods with peanuts in them. That’s all well and good, but food makers don’t want anybody who can’t have peanuts to accidentally eat them—to the point where they put “contains peanuts” warnings on packages of peanuts.
Fox/Bobcat Urine Powder. Solid advice.
