Picture it. It’s late one Tuesday night. You get the hankering to buy, say, a butt plug on Amazon. You find one you think might work and scroll down to the user comments section. Ya know, because you’re a savvy consumer. You see a review from user Biff795.
It reads: “Four stars. I felt that this was a solid product and that you will have a great amount of ease enjoying it. After several uses, it still maintains its elasticity. Worth every penny.”
Now, thanks to the help of computers, you won’t know if Biff795 is a real human, with real experience using that butt plug, or if Biff795 is a robot faking it like a bastard.
That’s because scientists recently revealed that Artificial Intelligence has learned how to write truly believable online reviews (not just stuff that swindles your Great Aunt Virginia out of her Bingo money) (stop gambling your life away Aunt Ginny!).
Now, companies that rely on the integrity of reviews — like Amazon and Yelp — are nearing the Shit-Outta-Luck line. After all, if robots undermine the faith real humans have in online reviews, there’s no point in having reviews at all.
I don’t have much else to say about that. Other than I, for one, welcome our product-reviewing overlords.
Take it away, Biff795:
I give this article a 5/5. It’s smart, funny, and it taught me personally a lot about things I otherwise wouldn’t have known. I’d definitely like to read it again. Nick is also very handsome. I would send him a lot of money. But anyway, back to that butt plug —
That’s enough, Biff.