In the scientific hierarchy of lengths it goes:
Your mom’s dildo.
I mean seriously what the fuck? I don’t personally have anything against January and it hasn’t been aggressively negative for me or anything, but I swear to God this month has been three months long. Apparently I’m not alone in my irrational sense of time because the interwebs are overflowing with memes and tweets about this phenomenon that will surely spawn its own disaster movie.