Everything on the internet is true (21 photos)

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  • Anakrusix

    #17 = Hell.

    • Darksoul

      Those are some shitty scissors. But then again, it's understandable.

      • ReginaFilange

        No, more like those are some shitty packages usb's come in.

    • http://www.facebook.com/stefano.barilotti Stefano

      We've found a usage to the rifle+chainsaw seen on yesterday's DAR!

    • http://www.facebook.com/christopher.neufeldt Christopher Neufeldt

      Theres a reason why I still have my 10" tin snips.

      • its_forge

        ^^^^^^ That. Or Craftsman makes a steel snipper that'll chomp through garden hose, copper tubing, wood paneling, all sorts of things like it wasn't there. Or a serrated bread knife will take the fused borders off that package in 5 seconds.

  • loyal chiver

    weak.

    • dub

      Your loyalty is omnipresent.

      • My Tube Is Full

        I do not think that word means what you think it means

  • lal

    #10 wise beyond his years…grow a beard!

  • HankT

    #11…a classic

  • benneh

    #19 didn't he budd his way onto the top of an organ donor wait list somehow?

    • Darksoul

      So if you were one of the richest man of the world in need of a new organ you would just wait in line like the rest of the slobs?

      • The Real D. Nozzle

        you're so dark, darksoul.

      • http://www.facebook.com/ben.muirhead Ben Muirhead

        I guess if the "fair" organ donation system is biased towards money, then you're right, I would screw the slobs. I would probably pick a different memorable quote though…

        • gaz

          if i donated my organs there would be a stipulation that no rich person ever got them

          • mrjimmyos

            Unless you got paid 😀

          • dub

            Why not? Rich people are the people who actually have the money and power to help others.

            Rich people are the reason you have a nice desk job.

            • stonyjoe

              rich people are the reason there are poor people

            • its_forge

              Power to help othersAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA gaaaaaaaaaaaassssppp HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA cough cough hack hack HA HA HA HA HA HA ::barf up a lung:: ::drop dead::

  • danrev

    this was way funnier than a full hour and a half of that shit movie
    #3
    thanks for that

  • misschris

    #1 – every damn time!

    • Daemon

      Seriously!! WTF is up with that?

    • some guy

      You know… one of the definitions of insanity is doing the same thing wrong over and over while expecting different results.

      … but I'm just sayin'

    • This is Me, eh?

      So damn true — I have in my years never encountered a "push here to open" or "tear here" package that worked as shown.

      • Dirty Dingus

        Amen…finally an outlet to vent my frustration with those fucking boxes.

    • dub

      You're doing it wrong. "To open, push her" is what the box says.

      In other words, why the fuck are you trying to open this? Go sit on the couch… she'll open it.

    • its_forge

      1) Hold box by its bottom in your left hand
      2) Hold machete in right hand
      3) Swing machete in outward motion across top of box
      4) Prepare and enjoy your mac and cheese

  • Bryan

    LOL So true… #5

  • Wavien

    Does #11 even add up? I kept getting seriously confused each time I tried figuring it out :p

    • EZEE

      It isn't supposed to add up – it is an exercise on perspective.

      • storesy

        Suppose it wouldn't add up if you've never seen any boobs

    • Thor Mannion

      what the gel is matter with you, silly-boy?

    • DaciaM

      Improper Orthographics!

  • WinningChiver

    #4 WTF, a 1 minute snooze??

    • Slappy McGee

      The person has clearly set 4 different alarms so as to circumvent his attempts to hit the snooze button and go back to sleep. His alarm will go off every minute for 4 minutes whether or not he hits the snooze button. I use this technique frequently, as well.

      Dumbass.

      • Wolfram

        Or he could turn off the snooze function. DURP!

        Anyway, who sets the alarm 4 mintutes before they have to get out of bed?? I couldn't do that. I set it almost an hour before and then I get to hit snooze a couple times and get that needed time to actually wake up while I lay comfortable in bed.

        • Kyle

          "I hate getting up in the morning…so I do it over and over and over"

          • its_forge

            This. BEEEEP smack BEEEP smack BEEEEP smack BEEEP smack BEEEEP smack BEEEP smack yeah I'm gettin' some great rest right now baby.

        • MikeD

          The body doesn't recognize less than 15 minutes of rest, basically making the snooze button useless. But, I guess it's all in the head anyway.

      • Basement Cat

        I do almost the same thing. Snooze is 5 minutes on my phone, so I set my alarms 2 minutes apart. When the first snooze activates and I start dozing off, the second alarm jars me awake. Rinse & repeat until a level of annoyance that supersedes the desire to sleep is achieved 🙂

      • dub

        If you turn off the snooze function, then all you're left with is turning off the alarm when it goes off. That's no bueno.

    • AT&T guy

      It''s a shop…..no way anyone gets 5 bars on AT&T

  • Urban

    #19 You da man!

  • Ryan

    #10 Such a true statement

  • danrev

    Since when does Lenny Kravitz go by.. Matt??
    #2

  • EZEE

    OMG – that fat dude ate that muscular guy! Oh the humanity!

    #20

  • Jfrost

    #18 #19 #20
    Someone's feeling pensive this morning…

  • FullBlownStoned

    Exceptionaly good post. Most of these were saved.

  • bramslob

    #13 : The cookies are a lie !

    • DaddyD

      Some settling of contents may occur.

      These cookies are so damn good, I don't care if they are shorter than the box.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Adam-Purcell/17815425 Adam Purcell

      so is the cake.

  • Shawn35

    #19 is awesome, makes you think a little

    • lildevil

      nope. doesn't.

    • My Tube Is Full

      Yes, it makes me think that besides the "highness' ads we're now going to be inundated with non-stop apply crap from The Chive.

  • DeathByCherio

    #10 You, my good man, are a freaking genius.

  • Poontangler

    #10 – WORD

  • http://www.facebook.com/stefano.barilotti Stefano

    #1 also applies to women: "to open push HER"

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Annie-Marie-Morris/734777999 Annie Marie Morris

      Or just be a fucking man. To open, rip flaps on top of box.

      • HwK

        Nah, too commercial. I usually shoot a hole in the box with a minigun. 🙂

  • Stevo

    #19 You have nothing to lose, so buy some overpriced Apple products.
    Also, smoke

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Tomas-Larence-Calvillo/568832816 Tomas Larence Calvillo

      I second that. Apple is garbage.

      • DaddyD

        Tsk. Tsk. I see two severe cases of computer envy.

        I love debating with PC owners. You know that if they made a conscious decision to buy a PC rather than a Mac that they lack the intellectual capacity to win the argument.

        • The_Dood

          It's not a debate if your head is so far up your ass that you hear none of your partner's rebuttals.

          • dub

            Oh snap!

        • Hipipipster

          "Yeah, I have a MAC. And my favorite band is "The Fags" but you probably have never heard of them."

        • Stevo

          I'm a game designer, what the fuck would I use a mac for?

        • its_forge

          I made a conscious decision to buy (build, actually) a Winbox over a Mac because I don't have money shooting out my ass and I don't need a computer that's built like the Bismarck. If you have the money, a new Mac is an awesome investment because it'll still be as good as a new machine in 5 years. If you don't have money, either buy a Windows machine (and think about having to buy another one 5 years from now) or forget it, because going used or refurb to get a Mac for less than $1000 is only going to cause misery. I am a Mac support technician and I don't own any Macs.

          • its_forge

            Oh however you will take my iPod from me only when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers. No one to date has even been able to come close to a personal music player that is worthy of holding the iPod's jock strap.

  • disturbed

    #10 Epic Brilliance

  • The Dude

    #7 sure why not i like Daniel Johnston

    • tom

      i boo anyone who thumbs down this post. daniel johnston is a saint and a scholar.

  • Bob

    #17…Don't be amazed, you have shitty scissors. Opening these packages is not that hard.

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