A little inspiration goes a long way (31 Photos)

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  • Gooberman

    #24…mmm, grad school

    • who knew

      You must be a new student.

    • truth

      douche

      • DrROBOTO

        goober is right. you could also insert "not" between it's and going and that would be true of a bachelors degree

    • thom

      Grad school? Really. What is the unemployment rate of grad students?

      • Waylon

        Not sure, because they can't get hired in the first place.

    • james09832903

      So true; as I sit here writing a grad school thesis that needs to be done by August 24th, when I return to my job.

  • Steve

    First.

    28. Love it.

    • Steve

      My first first BTW. Yeah me.

      • Steve

        Damn you Gooberman!

        • Gooberman

          and i read the post, and i commented…never been first before myself

        • sooty

          See how stupid you look? This is why it isn't worth it.

          • sooty

            also you just proved #14

            • Steve

              As you did for 16.

              • Martin

                Awesome comeback Steve!!

              • To Steve

                Would've been better if you used # my friend so therefore thumbs down

                • Help?

                  Now that I know that the # is what actually adds the picture to the comment, I won't make that mistake again. I appreciate the learning experience.

                  Steve the (now not so) Noob

          • Steve

            Actually, If you have a look at our avatars, I look pretty much like you. I feel stupid though.

            • snowbird

              Steve you failed at the simplest task of commenting on a chive post… probably should give up because there is nothing else to live for… CHIVE ON!

              • Steve

                Enlighten me and anyone else watching. If nothing else, I've got Chive to live on for.

            • dub

              I like you, Steve. I feel stupid myself. Yet honest.

              • Steve

                Thanks Dub. Nice to know that I'm not all alone in this, as the thumbs might otherwise imply.

                • dub

                  thumbs schmumbs. If I cared about thumbs, I wouldn't have cut mine off to prove that I don't care about thumbs.

                  • Steve

                    Actually, according to #13, thumbs are pretty important.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=674725380 James Goodman

        Uh how about boo you.

    • please

      douche

      • Noob

        Really? Was that necessary? Nothing more intelligent to say? Perhaps you lack the ability, seeing as how the grasp of punctuation seems to have escaped you.

    • Steve

      I'm now first if I do a reverse search by rating. Does that count?

  • Kaars

    #11… "The world's a mess, and I just need to rule it"

    • https://www.facebook.com/justinsargood1 Justin Sargood

      Dr. Horrible FTW

    • Snowbird

      I love how among all the profundity they included "i don't get drunk, i get awesome"… stay classy, TheChive. I guess being better than ebaumsworld and collegehumor is a relative measure of success!

      • dub

        Live with no comparisons. Find truth and virtue without reference to [Ebaumsword & Collegehumor]

    • Tony

      #11's quote is on a motivation poster in Barney's office, and mine. 🙂

  • Brother Maynard

    #2 His genius lives on!

    • 2beer

      Too bad that's not his genius – that quote belongs to Drew Carey

      • dub

        Pretty sure Carlin said that.

        I have a book. Written by Carlin. It's in there.

        • 2beer

          is the book called "Quotes I've Stolen From Drew Carey"? Because that's the only way it's in there

          • Ha.Ha.

            Drew Carey wasn't even born when Carlin said this. Drew Carey's a herb.

      • Verbal_Kint

        nope, you're a dipshit. That's 100% Carlin. Oh, Seinfeld is funnier than all.

        • Henrik

          Seinfeld is not THAT funny.

          • Wong

            agreed. the fuck is with white people and Seinfeld?

            • Verbal_Kint

              the fuck is with asians and crappy driving??

              • hMMMM

                what is with white people and oppression?

        • 2beer

          it's not 100% Carlin – it's 100% Carey – and calling me a dipshit when YOU'RE WRONG makes you look like a bigger dipshit, dipshit

          • Bill57

            excuse me, 2Beer it was Carlin and noot for nothin Carlin has been around a lot longer then Drew

          • kodakkid

            thats carlin from when drew was still in high school give it a rest

          • Verbal_Kint

            haha…dipshit

  • Shweetshot

    17 is how i feel

    • Monk

      #17 Is how we do that.

    • hater

      but you look 12

      • Shweetshot

        True 🙂

  • cheyeah

    This belongs on theberry

    • Sayed

      I tell my wife #22 all the time.

      • LuvH8fulChix

        ^ Awesome

      • http://www.facebook.com/ranDgallegos Randy Gallegos

        my GF lives in Athens and I live in Chicago. she plans to move here in 2years when she is done with school, but i tell her this every day. along with #8 #24 2 years apart is worth the rest of our lives together. =)

        • sparky

          excuse me while I vomit.

        • Guesty

          Hey, it's hot out. Why not enjoy a nice tall glass of who the fuck cares.

        • LuvH8fulChix

          Your girlfriend is going to cheat on you and leave you. The pain will follow you for the rest of your life. You will never trust anyone completely again. Put this in an envelope and open it in two years.

          • http://www.facebook.com/ranDgallegos Randy Gallegos

            my Gf has already crossed the Atlantic once just to spend 11 days with me here. and is doing so again this Christmas. i doubt she would waste all that time and money and effort just to throw it away on cheating. i found my perfect other half, if you haven't im sorry.

            • Aristotle

              Is that your gf in the picture? Pretty sure I had some hot philosophy sex with her last night…tonight, she will be featured in our gangbang, it's going to be so entertaining! My boys Socrates and Plato are coming to partayyyyyy

      • _bigdeal

        lol shithead…. spoken like a true husband

    • Heidi

      I was thinking the same thing actually.

  • fail

    #16.
    Listen up trolls.

    • Jen

      so, what? chivers don't talk about other people as much as jerk-off to them? how's that better?

      • truth

        preach on sister!!!

    • HeyJewed

      Trolling for trolls….=/

    • Guesty

      You are such a stupid little fuckwad. See, I came up with the IDEA to call you a fuckwad. I must be great.

      • fail

        #21.
        You have no idea what I am !
        You however, are quite transparent.

    • Captlazarus

      My idea involves sticking things in other people.

    • Guesty

      I love how most of these people are saying stupid shit like this means anything, "words to live by" "truth indeed" or "listen up…" then will follow up in 5 minutes with comments like "MOAR" "FIND HER" and some form of insinuation that they are going to fuck the hot chick on the internet. Fucking mental midgets

      • Riley O'Keefe

        (dibs on the band name "Mental Midgets")

        • LuvH8fulChix

          Dibs on fucking the Mental Midgets.

          • fail

            Dibs on killing "Guesty" and "truthserum" with fire.

            • Guesty

              You should probably stop posting comments. They really are retarded.

              • Juam

                agreed.

              • fail

                #29.
                You are one of the most bitter, angry, pathetic trolls ever.

                • fail

                  no, you are

                • A killer whale

                  Agree. I think Guesty, truthserum, and obvious sit there circle jerking each other. can't believe theChive picked up a group of trolls…

                  Don't worry all. In a few weeks, 9th grade is starting!

      • Mr. T

        UMADBRO

        • Tift

          UUNORIGINALBRO?

    • OhSomeEvil

      This should belong in every woman's restroom.

    • Shant1k

      …To Paula,
      From Chivers.

  • Adam West

    This one isn't quite as good as the last one… a couple winners in there though. Keep Calm, Breathe Deep & Chive on!

    • Jen

      "Keep Calm, Breathe Deep & Chive on!"

      you couldn't come up with anything better, could you?

      • Bill57

        Jen can you do anything but critisize?

    • Guesty

      So you just added breathe deep to an already retarded saying… Please, do not ever, procreate. Just please

      • fail

        Too bad someone didn't give that advice to your parents !!!!!!!

  • http://thechive.com/ GernBlansten

    #16 What about people who watch reality TV?

    • Guse

      And with one comment, you fall into the third category.

      • Guse

        And now so do I…. dammit!

  • davey

    Those are all awesome!
    #13 is hilarious!

    • A killer whale

      I am a killer whale and have no thumbs. My penis can however be measured in feet not inches.

      • Jen

        why the fuck do you have to eat cute seals? you fucking asshole.

      • Jen

        now get that penis over here. inches no longer satisfy my missile-silo

    • DoucheMcFuckstain

      I fell for it

  • Cristi_P

    Very nice post to come home to 😀

    • Ha.Ha.

      This was good, but had NOTHING on last week's post. I'm still remembering shit from it, and I'm the worst and recollecting great quotes.

      • i map knees

        true i even made one my iphone background to keep me sane

  • Insidious1

    I have nothing funny or witty to respond to… which is kind of dissapointing… But overall, its a pretty good post!

  • A BiPolar Guy

    #31 IThe chair CAN get you somewhere – Seethe movie "Christmas in Connecticut" (orignal) where the rocking chair mobility method is demonstrated…

    • Van Wilder

      Wright that down. . . don't have a pen, remember it then

  • Jen

    #2

    in other words chivers: man the fuck up and quit bitching about it.

    • Brother Maynard

      #16

      • Jen

        i don't give a damn(never said i was perfect).

        • Broseph Stalin

          Why are you so angry Jen?!

          • OEIeje

            it's text. how the hell can you tell she's angry…..?

    • The_Dood

      Generally in a support group, people talk about their problems. This is saying people should go get drunk and bitch about their problems to others with similar problems…

      Then have an orgy.

    • aleXTC

      When life gives you lemons, just say fuck the lemons and bail

      • kodakkid

        no when life gives you lemons squeeze them into the eyes of the next jackass that pisses you off

  • chim richels

    Some good ones but a lot of namby pamby touchy feely bullshit that George Carlin himself would rip to shreds.

    'Staying at artist as an adult' – yeah, we have them, they are called homeless people or the 40 year old dorks still working at Starbucks.

    'Absolutely nothing good can come out of overthinking things' – yep, and we all know that underthinking them really fucking helps too.

    • IOEie

      "yep, and we all know that underthinking them really fucking helps too."

      it got the chive staff to convince people that a site full of nothing but sluts and half-decade old memes is worth sinking money into for crappy t-shirts and their annual sausage-fest. after all "Nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public."–H.L. Mencken

      • Guesty

        Ding ding ding. we have a winner folks.
        Hit the nail on the head right here.

    • First Time Caller

      yeah, chivers are a special kind of stupid. "waste money on useless nonesense and things i don't need? not in this economy!" *Chive shirts go on sale* "OMGOEIGOMG!!! I GOT ONE! I GOT TWO! GOT THREE! I DIE HAPPY NOW!!!".

  • EZEE

    #13

    Hate it when I get caught.

    • Just Sayin'

      I felt ashamed of myself when i finally read the last sentence.

  • HeyJewed

    #11 is how i try to live every day of my life

  • http://renounceapprehension.blogspot.com/ MrRushing

    #12 Words to live by. #14 I'm gonna get the scientists workin' on that one.

  • Chim Richels

    The unfortunate thing about it is that everyone of these will be emblazoned on a tight fighting t-shirt worn by some hipster comic book fucknut at the next Chive meetup.

    • SkyVader

      LOL….."fucknut"!

  • The_Marc

    #11 #26 AWESOME!

    • jacksansjill

      I invented #26. everyone else is a troll.

  • hMMMM

    #12 is great advice!

  • shawn

    Love this new addition to chive

    • Guesty

      As much as you love the cock, or just slightly less?

      • shawn

        Stupid troll. I'll never love anything nearly as much as the cock.

      • fail

        Damn.
        Your as funny as a toothache !

  • nonamepls

    #30 quoted the dude in the PEDOPHILE truck…

  • LOLOLOL

    #15 – Ahh, life before computers. Too bad, I didn't experience it.
    #17 – Yeah, my sleeping pattern is f***ed up.

    • Spivias

      o.o
      should i be happy that i had a 8 inch floppy

  • Colin_

    #11 is Legen…
    wait for it

    • Colin_

      dary. Legendary!

      • First Time Caller

        Clever post.

      • First Time Caller

        Just kidding. You suck.

        • Just Sayin'

          I actually laughed out loud! Well done sir.

        • Colin_

          "You suck" is the most inventive insult I have ever heard, bravo!

          • Harpo

            He didn't want to add "cocks" in case your mom was looking and finally realized the truth. He's a nice guy, because you obviously chug it.

            Umm…..your pic looks a bit off….47th chromosome? If so, I take back the previous insult.

            • Colin_

              A homosexual and a retarded insult? Your creativity astounds me.

              • LuvH8fulChix

                Don't sweat, bro. Try this approach:

                "Aaah! You got me! I suck!"

                (Disables their predatory instinct, and makes you look easygoing.)

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