A few simple secrets to living a super swell life (22 Photos)


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  • Elliott

    I see the light

  • tightend088@yahoo.com

    #12 Yup, my breath stinks. Damn.

  • https://www.facebook.com/duda73 Mike Duda

    #19 – Nope. Onions release sulfur when they're cut. The sulfur reacts with the water in your eyes and makes sulfuric acid (low concentrate) which is why they burn.

    • Yarp

      yes this works. not specifically because of smelling, or cotton balls, but because it forces you to breathe through your mouth. the gases then react with the moisture in your mouth, before reaching your eyes.

      • Katie

        My mom always told me to keep you mouth closed the entire time your cutting onions. Very contradicting ideas here.

    • http://www.facebook.com/treicks08 Taylor Reicks

      Fuck you Science!

    • MylesofStyles

      Try this: Get out of the kitchen and let your wife / girlfriend do it.

      • Rick_

        … or mom, haha

    • works f'me

      This works: don't cut both ends off the onion, only slice from one end. The air will not flow through the onion and you will not cry. True story.

      • beretrouge

        Search "Gordon Ramsay: How to Chop an Onion" and voila, magic has happened!

        • Deep Dish

          That youtube video is exactly how I learned to cut them. You don't need fancy tricks. You just need to cut it properly.

    • Frank

      Or, rub the onion directly on your eyes to show that you aren't afraid of it. It will leave you alone from that point on.

      • zgl

        sitting at my desk and literally laughed out loud! kudos frank, kudos.

        • kyle

          me as well. Thank you Frank

          • Frank

            Fuck you both.

            • Frank (Real Frank)

              Fuck you fake Frank. Don't insult people for no reason and make me look like a dick.

              • http://emzilla.blog.com Emzilla

                I think 'Fuck you fake Frank' is probably the best thing I've read all day. 🙂

                • Frank

                  Fuck you, whore.

                  • http://emzilla.blog.com Emzilla

                    Fuck you back!!

                    • Frank

                      Is this foreplay?

                    • http://emzilla.blog.com Emzilla

                      If it is, you're doing it wrong.

    • neelsvanpk

      The best advice I have, that has always worked for me, is to open a window near to the cutting area prior to cutting onions. This will serve as ventilation. I highly doubt that cotton balls will work, as chemical gasses are released when the onions are cut, which react with one's eyes, and not one's nose.

    • jimbozo

      Also, stick your head in the freezer…it'll help out.

    • Thunderhorse

      Cooking amateurs. If you cut an onion near an open flame your eyes don't tear. Turn a burner on your stove, and cut next to the stove. The open flame burns off the gas given off by the onion.

      Other onion cutting tips http://www.cookingvillage.com/tip/article/Choppin

      • silky

        I have an electric stove

    • The Dark Knight

      Stick the onion in the freezer for about 5-10 minutes and THEN cut it…

      Cotton balls up the nose.. *sigh*

    • Rob

      Actually if you cut the gland of the bottom of the onion out first it doesn't release any chemicals when chopping it.

    • rosco clibbins

      we just turn on a small fan near the cutting area to keep fumes off the face.

    • Guest

      Or people could just man up and deal with it….

    • Mark

      It does work. blocking the fumes from getting up your nose works tremendously well. try it before you knock it.

    • Frankee

      Just chew a gum, dude..

  • Anonymous

    These are brilliant.

  • tv_paul

    Fact: Your own farts don't smell as bad as other peoples do (Source: some guy on a plane I had to sit next to who had Taco Bell for lunch)

    • Underbaker

      I believe that originally came from George Carlin (or at least he was the first person I saw use it on stage).

    • http://echogeo.wordpress.com/ echogeo

      Carlin did that joke back in the 70's.
      "Ya' ever notice your own farts smell okay? Damn! That's half way decent."

    • Busternut

      I'v always found my own trouser coughs to be quite comforting.
      Unless I've eaten pepperoni pizza the night before.

  • Deep Thought Jack H

    So how many people just licked their wrists?

    • driftwoodprose

      Guilty

    • http://emzilla.blog.com Emzilla

      I did. I didn't sleep last night, and just had a cup of coffee, it wasn't pleasant. I went and brushed my teeth.

    • https://www.facebook.com/dylantracy413 Dylan Tracy

      Damn I just
      Did too lol

    • bwmyers18

      busted.

      • CI-H

        And now your wrist smells too

    • Michael

      The instant I read it

    • https://www.facebook.com/trevor.muxlow Trevor Muxlow

      What if your wrists just stink…

      • http://www.facebook.com/kevintherush Kevin Rush

        Smelled the other (control) wrist… smells like skin D:

    • http://www.facebook.com/demolition.woman Megan Michelle

      LOL You caught me

  • NateyTheGreaty

    #18 is the best way to cut cinnamon roll dough, for sure.

  • Andrew

    #9 Learned something new today that I will actually use…

    • steveholt007

      although this wont work if you plan on using the meat for hamburgers..you want to make burgers loosely packed

    • 6655321

      That things that are thinner thaw faster than things that are more dense? Like, whoa.

  • FarknChiveon

    #3 Also used for pimples, psoriasis, and poison ivy. It will cure pretty much anything.

    • http://emzilla.blog.com Emzilla

      Mosquito bites, too! I guess that falls under 'pretty much anything', huh?

    • narrator

      Have you seen my big fat greek wedding?

    • @lackofabetter

      And apparently for getting high according to that picture

    • Kristen

      It also turns you into an Asian.

    • shoe

      I'm really not sure whether to believe you or just believe that this is an awesome way you've just fucked with everyone…

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/GernBlansten GernBlansten

    #1 This is the worst idea I've seen in a long time. you will FUBAR your feet big time of you do this.

    • sfb101

      True story bro…

    • Guy

      I'm pretty sure they will still look like feet if I try this.

      • http://intensedebate.com/people/GernBlansten GernBlansten

        Feet that look like you ran them over with a meat grinder.

    • Wisti

      if your shoes fit properly you shouldn't get blisters anyways…and I would hope if you were doing serious hiking or running you'd spend the little bit extra to get the proper shoes…

  • http://emzilla.blog.com Emzilla

    #9 I already do this! It defrosts in about five minutes in hot water, no matter how big the bag is! #17 I don't own chapstick because I lose it so quickly. I will NOT put money in that tiny thing!!

    • jrk

      Agree on #17 I lose chapstick like jersey shore girls lose their virginity

    • Spelling Police

      Thawing meat in hot water is a quick way to get sick; just FYI. Always thaw in cold water so the chance of bacteria is minimized.

      • http://emzilla.blog.com Emzilla

        I'm not going to listen to you, but thanks for the information, anyway. 🙂

  • negative nancy

    #17 Kind of makes me want to pick up chapstick that I find on the ground… :/

    • thatguy

      Why would you hide your money in the one thing you are guaranteed to lose?

    • FunKiller

      I'd probably like to watch you pick it up off the ground…..just sayin..

    • I'm #1

      It's a good place to hide pills when you are going into shows and across borders as well.

  • Kilda Bear

    #2 And bears, the tent will be full of bears. YOUR TENT WILL BE FULL OF BEARS, DON'T DO THIS.

    • http://www.facebook.com/dakota.lyons.3 Dakota Lyons

      lol, whut ? light attracts bears ?

    • FarknChiveon

      I'd be more worried about menstruation. Bears can smell the menstruation.

    • jdd

      It's full of water

    • _HypoLuxa_

      ThreatDown!

    • lizzyc

      I died laughing… those damn bears hahahahaha

  • bullwinkle

    #7 why the wet towel….just place beer directly in the freezer to make it ice cold…..

    • hamburgerhelper

      Water is a good conductor of both electricity and heat, a much better conductor than air. Ergo, the beer will retain the heat for longer without the wet towel because it would just be surrounded by cold air which won't get things as cold as fast as things surrounded by water.

      Think of how much faster you get cold in the winter if your hair is wet or you step in some puddle.

    • Collin

      Evaporation is endothermic (it absorbs heat from something else to make it happen). Since the damp towel is in contact with the bottle it will absorb the heat from the bottle and make it cool down faster. Just like when you sweat.

    • thatguy

      this just in: "putting beverages in the freezer makes them cold"… more as the story develops

      • iain

        Water isn't actually that good of a conductor of electricity.

        • guest

          Not sure why he is getting thumbs down for this, he's right. Pure water has no free valence electrons.

          Quick experiment, fill a glass with pure water and drop a 9 volt battery, then add salt. Watch the electrolysis happen once you add the salt. Profit.

          • Mr. Tea

            Kids, don't drop batteries. Next thing you know, it will be battery acid and we all know where that leads…

        • Wisti

          you should drop some plugged in appliances into your bathtub while you're bathing or even showering :] Pleeeeeease do it for me?

    • bullwinkle

      The explanations are good and impressive Chive scientific community! But really, how much faster would it cool down? Plus, paper towels rip when they get wet and then you have to try to rip a frozen towel off your beer bottle or peel it off when it thaws and is all soggy. Doesn't seem to be worth the trouble. Buy the beer cold, keep it cold, plan ahead and throw it in the freezer 10 minutes earlier so you don't have to wet the towel and have a mess. Common sense prevails over a "cool" trick here!

      • usmc_chiver

        As a matter of fact, water transfers heat 8 times faster than air (you asked how much faster!) So 5 minutes in the freezer with a wet rag (reusable, and able easier to get off!) is the equivalent of 40 minutes of just chilling!

    • Underbaker

      Think I would rather fill an Ice Chest full of beer then add a lot of ice and a little water, works better and you have more then 1 beer.

      • Guest

        put some salt in there too to speed up the chilling process

    • Haggis

      Just drink it warm you stupid Yanks!

      • Fletch

        If in a pinch when out in the desert, you can rap a beer with toilet paper, pour water on it and place it in a spot that gets a good breeze (roof of your truck will work) , constantly keeping the shit sheets moist, after 1 hour remove paper and enjoy a cold beer

        • Gattus

          If you are 'in a pinch' in the desert wasting water to preserve a cold beer, I hope you never get out. Should have stayed in the trailer park.

        • silky

          ya, because if in the desert, you are going to waste good water in order to drink something that dehydrates you. Genius!

    • Taylor

      It is best applied when trying making room temperature alcohol cold very quickly. My family always does this when we stay in a hotel on a vacation– half the bucket gets ice, then the bottle of wine, then a cold hand towel wrapped around it and ten minutes later, cold booze!

      • 340Swinger

        You could always just take a cooler.

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/GernBlansten GernBlansten

      Or, just buy your beer earlier.

  • http://twitter.com/JulyettaPCrosby @JulyettaPCrosby

    #7 wont the liquid inside the bottle freeze too?

    • bigdinla

      This makes it cool down faster and yes if you leave it in too long it will turn to ice.

    • john d'oh

      Eventually…..

      • Shockteck

        Remember as well the liquid will expand. An A-Hole left a bottle of beer in my freezer a few weeks ago when I checked in the morning it had made a mess in my freezer.

  • Euroranger

    #16 is the perfect convergence in my house. My 12 year old had Nutella over at a friend's house last weekend and came home raving about it whilst my wife has been diligently managing to break my bourbon tumblers for the past couple of months (down to 2 now).

    Two birds, one stone solutions rock.

    • UK Chiver

      Agreed, while I can't say that my story is the same, since I usually break him by dropping them when im drunk. BUT NOW, i can have a taste snack and was tumblers, cheers mate!

      • Euroranger

        Actually, I just saw a pic in another thread of a kid digging into a jar of Nutella and it was a decidedly plastic, non-bourbon candidate receptical.

        My happy convergence of wants appears to be threatened by the shoals of kid-friendly cheap packaging. This situation may require more investigation.

        • zgl

          thats what i was thinking. ive only seen nutella in plastic containers (i live in the seattle area). where do they sell the glass containers? also, for a set of glasses, thats a lot of nutella!

          • Euroranger

            This would be an unusual "Chive: Find!" effort…that's for sure. 🙂

            Still, in the pic the Nutella label appears to be in English so there's some hope.

            • Ashley

              The internets tell me that the glass versions are Nutella jars are imported from Europe….and are about 3x the price of plastic Nutella.

              • Verbal_Kint

                I've been know to drink bourbon from plastic, so either would work fine for me…

    • MylesofStyles

      Perhaps you should tell your wife to ease up on the Bourbon.

      • Euroranger

        Pfft! If only that was her drink. Then the reasons for the breakage MIGHT be accompanying pleasant accident-creating diversions every once in awhile.

        But if I thought I had that kinda luck I'd be crowing over my recent Powerball win and not waylaying productive Friday morning work time on Chive.

        • MylesofStyles

          I hear you brother. "…productive Friday morning work time"; damn fine oxymoron.

    • Rocks Off

      Was recently in France and Switzerland, Nutella is sold in glass and plastic jars there and they're sold for about half the price as in the U.S. Tis not fair.

    • Wrong!

      Fuck Nutella.

  • BigPup

    #22 Or don't be a pussy and just hold it.

    • black27696

      I feel like it's better to learn how to properly use nails than to risk being caught doing this.

      Also, I'm about to give you all the most important tip of your lives. Ready? Use nails for roofing. Other than that, use screws. I don't care what it is, use a screw. Use a grommet with the screw if you can't hit a stud, but literally everything that uses nails other than framing or roofing is better off if you use the proper screw for it.

      • Inventer of Nails

        Screw you

        • Stevenb

          nail you

      • Scienced

        Not so, good sir. There are many uses for nails that you shouldn't use screws for. Ever screwed in a piece of molding or trim? Looks terrible, now nail the piece in with finish nails. Anything structural (AKA weight bearing) should be screwed in, if possible.

        • Frank

          The fastener isn't so much the important thing in structural design as the way it's used. The problem you run into with screws is that even a 4 inch deck screw doesn't have near the cross sectional area that common framing nails have. So shear is a bigger problem for screws. So many things now are put together with steel hangers and connectors anyways, leaving the fastener choice to the user with no real difference in strength.

        • black27696

          Ok I should have mentioned trim as well. So it's basically 99% of the time, screws. Then there's the other 1%.

  • KCO617

    #19 or learn how to cut an onion properly… .http://grumpywhenhungry.blogspot.com/2011/11/happy-onion.html

    • Jawbone

      There is, however, nothing to be done about the donkey in this photo.

    • Sarah

      Meh – I've always chopped my onions like that blog suggests and it doesn't always work….

  • bczu

    LIES!

  • Bob of Bob

    #16 Much better than the nutella protective cup advice from last week

  • UK Chiver

    break *them*

  • Takingbackcider

    #8 I do this anyway just to stop people talking to me in general.

    • Yarp

      wheres the socially awkward penguin meme when you need it.

    • KCO617

      The worst is when people still try to talk to you on public transport…take the hint, Pandora is more important than you.

    • Obviously

      I find not wearing pants does the trick

    • Notme

      I'm sorry, what were you saying???

  • Euroranger

    #8 Maybe it's just my natural frugalness talking out of turn here but…the "extended middle finger" move is much more economical and is hard to confuse with other messages.

  • Jawbone

    These are some horrible tips.

    #22 If you're this much of a pussy, use a comb instead. Greater surface area contact.

    #12 If you're at the point where you need to lick your wrist to tell, it stinks.

    #1 It will also make your feet slick and slippery inside your shoes.

    • bczu

      Also, if you want to strip the screw….use the scissors. Bunch of BS and reposted stuff. Chive is going down hill

  • TomTheCameraGuy

    #19 Ah, don't tear my eyes! Oh, tear not tear….

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