People you would want to be stuck with during the zombie apocalypse (21 Photos)

  • Paula_

    Da Fuck is this crap about me having died?

    I DO remember saying: "John! These ever increasing reposts are killing me!" But the reposting is not even THAT extreme.


    – I'm not dead, I just smell that way

    • savagecabbage

      It's ok. I held out hope for you. i knew you were ok

      • Gross

        I bet Paula's titties are really saggy.

    • TheDude

      Fuckkkkkkkkkkk!!!! We were all so happy for a while.

      • Paula_

        Glad I am in time to ruin your weekend BITCH!!1!

        – thanks for the worried e-mails minions ❤ Just been busy.

    • Jewski

      I heard you died. Glad to see it wasn't true.

    • Derp

      I liked you better when you were dead.

      • Paula_

        Nah that's just boring. It's like my food; so much more fun to eat when it still wiggles! Once you start that there's no going back to dead food really….

        – Fan testimonial: "Im pretty sure that no other website like this has its own version of Paula and the loyal following that equally hates her – Sauk Fox"

        • redman12

          You try too hard, go back in the kitchen..

          • Paula_

            A 'go back to the kitchen' joke. Best joke ever. I'm in tears. No really.

            – Fan testimonial: "The Chive wouldn't be the same without you…..BTW yelling 'first' is for douches – Notknowing"

            • redman12

              You sound just like Chloe Lamb except she's hotter and you're an idiot 🙂

    • cliffnote

      If you had a shower after all that sexing around, you probably wouldn't smell that bad….

    • Notknowing

      The Chive wouldn't be the same without you…..BTW yelling 'first' is for douches.

      • Just Sayin'

        True. It would be much better.

    • MatteOh

      i hate everything about paula

      • Paul.c

        ya….yr a THUNDER!CUNT!…DIE!!

    • Trav1121

      Welcome back, you disgusting sloth monster! I think I speak for all Chivers and Chivettes when I say we missed loving to hate you! Also, this is my 1000th comment. I was saving it for you!

      • Paula_

        1,000 huh? You're cute.

        – the one who loves to comment

    • KCCO_Onwheels

      Proof there is no god. DaveonWheels passes away and this ***t gets to stay.

    • tbaynes

      I don't find it appropriate joking about death less than 24 hours after David died. I'm glad I know he's lead a more fulfilling life than you ever will.

      • a-nom

        Seriously…I can try, but I just can't hate you, Paula…

      • Adam

        I didn't think it was a joke. DaveonWheels was awesome! And taken from us way too soon! Paula is like a festering sore that will not heal. That's not a joke. Just a sad realization that sometimes these phrases we have in life are true.

        Plus ( and I can't say this from a personal level) but based on his tweets, pretty sure DaveonWheels had a tremendous sense of humour. So take his advice from his blog and smile!

    • kigero

      Even for a pro troll this is tucking distasteful

      • Paula_

        Every tucking second somewhere, someone dies. So whenever you make tun about death you did so RIGHT AFTER SOMEONE DIED!!!1!!! That's tucking rude!!!1!

        – Haters gonna celebrhate

    • Ihatepaula

      If you didn't die you should. Kill yourself as soon as possible. Thanks

  • savagecabbage

    #18 Give her a couple years and then we'll talk about her

    • Dawgzilla

      she's there…check out the last Demp Vampire movie that nobody remembers the name of

      • tv_paul

        She's around 16 now.

        • savagecabbage

          Nope 15…

          • tv_paul

            Sorry, 15 years and 8 months old . I rounded up.

            • PedoBear!!

              During a Zombie Apocolypse no one will care what age she is. Grip it and rip it!! Wooo!!

            • savagecabbage

              well in the eyes of the law i would say those few months matter very much

              • virtuoso09

                During the Zombie Apocalypse, there is no law. Back to Stone Age bitches!

      • bbboki

        U think Dark Shadows 🙂
        I remembered…… took me a minute, but….

    • BBBoki

      We are already talking about her….. too much, i think 🙂 She is sooooo nice 🙂

    • @undefined

      You're all fucking creeps

  • Pedo Bear

    #9 too old now >:-(

    • Nick Parsons

      Zombie bait.

      • sbn025

        thats exactly what i thought

      • JohnMcClane_

        Only problem is, as skinny as both of them are, they wouldn't keep the zombies distracted long…

        • Daniel Tosh

          zombies would think they are one of them

    • virtuoso09

      Don't Zombies like to eat brains?

    • Kato

      Look up their younger sister, Elizabeth Olsen. She's in that movie called Martha Marcy May Marlene. You won't be disappointed.

  • Paula_

    PS: I'm not a zombie.

    Walking Dead FTW!!!1! Can't wait, can't wait!

    – I'm not dead, I just smell that way

    • Yerp

      Please go away again.

    • Elle

      I really hope with all my heart that you actually die in real life this weekend, please get hit by a drunk driver or just plain kill yourself. Thanks

      • Paula_

        Karma is going to kill your puppy.

        – Fan testimonial: "The Chive wouldn't be the same without you….. – Notknowing"

        • Yerp

          Paula, don't give yourself a thumbs up.

          • Paula_

            I don't. Someone always instantly likes me.

            – Fan testimonial: "you know why I love Paula? because every time someone tries to burn her with some stupid joke she makes them look like an ass, you'd think they'd learn. She is more clever and funnier than 90% of the ppl on here. – CanadianMedic"

  • RiloSilo

    I don't get the Olsen twins…. They would be the first to get bitten… Zombie Olsens=Not so attractive.

    • Dan

      I'm not convinced they aren't zombies already. I smell a trap!

    • Doc

      Would still bang.

    • Dr_StrangePants

      Zombie Twins!
      The Hit New Sit-Com Coming this Spring!

      What happens when 2 sisters bicker over who gets to take the cute guy from down the street on an intimate brain-eating session as he yells for help? What happens when Ashey "burrows" Mary-kate's bloody rags w/o telling her? No matter what, though, they'll always have eachother…and putrid smelling flesh.

    • Umbra Fractus

      I don't get why people find them attractive even if they are alive. I mean, yeah, the wait was fun, but once they actually turned 18 it was like, "Okay. Now what?"

    • ColaChiver

      I'm sorry, but does no one else see the irony of #11 ….One of those Coreys is already dead…..

      • RiloSilo

        See that's the catch though. The human Corey would control the zombie Corey! Brothas for life, or is it death…. O_o

    • AZPete42


    • chris

      current Olsen's are not attractive

  • TheDude

    #6 yes pleaseeee

    • Umbra Fractus

      Hotter than most of the girls; kicks just as much ass as most of the guys. Best of both worlds.

    • BSS

      Add Kate Beckinsale and I would have the perfect threesome.

  • Kris
    • Catalystika

      While we're on the subject, a list like this without Ash from the Evil Dead trilogy is grossly incomplete. Other than a shotgun, what's the best zombie killing weapon? Chainsaw. He has one attached to his arm and is 100% badass. C'mon already.

      • JAK

        Yeah… Bruce Campbell should have been one of the first.

    • db3300

      tbh, he *did* have a real purty mouth.

    • SmackDaddy

      Absolutely agreed!!

  • Feltonboy

    Scarlet Johansson?

    • Feltonboy

      Scarlett Johansson*
      Damn auto-correct

  • Dan

    No Chuck Norris?!

    • The_Truth

      Chuck Norris once threw a grenade into a crowd of people killing dozens.

      Then the grenade exploded.

    • Meowmix

      Why are there jokes about Chuck Norris, and not Bruce Lee?
      Because Bruce Lee is no joke.

      • Rick

        Yeah, agreed, and what about Woody Harrelson???

    • Devil Doc

      No Chuck Norris for the same reason most of these shouldn't be on the list either. They're fucking useless actors (In Chuck Norris' case a useless "actor," yes in quotation marks, and "martial artist" also in quotations). They would be completely useless in a Zombie Apocalypse. The only one on this list I'd want on my side would be Vladimir Putin, because he is the only one that could actually use the weapon he's holding.

    • Michelle_on_wheels

      Chuck Norris IS the zombie apocalypse?

    • evihc

      Uh… Schwarzenegger?????????

  • Hummus

    Mary Kate and Ashley tho?

    • Needing a Trollop

      I think i could handle myself so i would keep the twins for company

  • The_Truth

    I'll take the entire cast of Kill Bill and The Expendables & leave it at that.

    Most of these make no sense. Corey Haim? Really?

  • Paula_

    I'm alive, I'M ALIVE!!!!1!

    – Fan testimonial: "For once, Paula, you have read my mind and actually said something that isn't horrible or troll. You ma'm are awesome."

    • Dan

      Fuck off, Paula. Stop cramming up the first page.

    • Yerp

      I will give you a quarter if you die again.

    • chiveadmin

      Daily Afternoon Randomness (20 Photos)

    • redman12

      Hey Paula.. Your vagina smells like tuna!

  • Paula_

    And WHAT a fucking great gallery to make my return to!!1! Love ya Mac ❤

    It's BACK!!!! MISSED ME ASSHATS!!???

    BTW don't worry about ninechive and chiveadmin, their accounts will be deleted soon.

    – Fan testimonial: "Im pretty sure that no other website like this has its own version of Paula and the loyal following that equally hates her – Sauk Fox"

    • PaulaIsGross

      Someday somebody is gonna find you Paula. Just sayin…

      • Paula_

        …on a Chive Tee?

        – Fan testimonial: "Go away! It's not Norma stitz – JSJ"

        • PaulaIsGross

          Nope, that would injure too many innocent eyes.

        • harharmac

          you are definintely mac. damnit mac

          • Paula_

            I can't comment on that; if I do I get deleted.

            – Fan testimonial: "I never have a problem with Paula, it's like she's another poster, just more elaborate with strange things to say. Better than most folks who cut someone down and demand hot chicks. – Jacob Christie"

            • NobodyIntersting

              You seem to be posting quite a bit today, it just seems like a little overcompensation…

              • weldsoft

                Someone locked her up for a change, cut her some slack…

                • Paula_

                  No, I just got back from a downtown errand a week ago, but used iOS Maps.

                  – Fan testimonial: "does this bitch really write down comments people have said about her? LMAO. – George Costanza"

  • Woody

    No Uma?

  • tv_paul

    How about that blade wielding water bottle assassin from yesterdays post.

    • a-nom

      Na, i think someone covered the point that he failed the very first rule from Zombieland – Cardio. Of course we could use him as fodder since he would attract a good 15 of the Z freaks for a little while.

  • slip

    #9 uh, aren't they actual zombies?

  • Notknowing

    #18 Hit Girl stole the show in Kick-Ass. She is my hero. No contest. She wins it.

    • Woose0811

      I can only wish to have a daughter like her one day

  • BTME

    Woody should have been here.

  • Chris C.

    #14 I'll take bullet tooth Tony, thanks!

    • Mel Gibson

      why do they call him Boris the bullet dodger?

      • Bullet Tooth Tony

        Because he dodges bullets, Avi

        • Paul Langdon

          Boris the sneaky fuckin' Russian

    • mdc

      Thats not bullet tooth tony. its big chris.

  • Amir

    #10 I'd prefer to be stuck with Herschel, it's his farm or Maggie

    • Missy

      But they don't have the farm anymore? Didn't you finish watching season 2?!

      • Amir

        spoiler alert!
        I did, that's just Herschel's catch phrase, it's my farm, I'll die here, you know?

    • Ryan

      Herschel does have infinite ammo in his Shotgun!

      • Josh

        I couldn't fucking believe that. It was like a roomsweeper!

    • Jeff

      Actually Daryl would be by far the best character to be stuck with

      • Solitare

        I'd say Shane

        • YouDonn'tNeedMyName

          He is a walker, my friend. And he's also dead.

      • Dan

        Hell yea! Daryl would definitely be my choice to be stuck with fighting zombies!

  • Novalee531

    Conner and Murphy MacManus.

    • Ceeeeeeej

      Yeah, i was gonna say i'd rather have Daryl Dixon (for those who don't know, same guy as Murphy) than Rick Grimes…

    • peter

      Hex yeah!!

  • Dominic Matteo

    Glad you put my statham request In there

  • tv_paul

    #18 So, you wanna play? Okay you c*nts… Let's see what you can do now!

  • GeeGonkey!

    #2 But in his drugged up days….

    • Kato

      I bet you haven't seen Natural Born Killers yet.

    • Woose0811

      just give him some coke and he'll be a zombie killing tank

  • nwf

    The twins would get old twice as fast.

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