Turns out hospitals do track and report sex injuries (18 Photos)
Sometimes regular sex can become vanilla and boring, so we look for ways to spice it up. Sometimes, you end up with a great session of lovemaking, and other times, you need to call 911. Now we’ve all heard the urban legends of things getting stuck and members getting fractured, but they’re not legends; sometimes those stories are real.
Over the past 6 years, hospitals have been sharing sex related injury information (along with other information too) with the National Electronic Injury Surveillance System (
NEISS), and they’ve compiled some charts on some of the types of sex related injuries they’ve seen. Over years, there were 450 cases that were reported.
So what kinds of injuries are we talking about?
The NEISS has shared some interactive graphs, which you can find
HERE. Right off the bat, the biggest sex injury is foreign object; over half of the cases involved an insertion of sorts. Other front runners were contusions, sprains and lacerations.
So what caused all these injuries?
And now you can see the, ahem…, products that caused all the injuries. As you can see the most common are personal massage devices and vibrators (but excluding shower head attachments…that’s a different category apparently.) The rest of the other dots are mostly things that got inserted and or lost.
Massage devices accounted for 285 of cases that resulted in injury.
Also included in the lost/inserted items were a glow up bouncy ball, pool ball and the handle of a screwdriver.
27 of the cases were due to beds and bed frames. We’re betting on headboards, which is why the best thing you can do is buy a padded headboard to avoid concussions.
We imagine probably half of all head injury cases seen in an ER with a vague “I bumped my head” reason, probably just finishing having mind blowing sex.
Jewelry accounted for 15 cases, but this doesn’t include watches. Apparently only one watch was lost.
Bathtubs or showers accounted for 11 of the cases, including fixtures and accessories, but not including spigots, towel racks or enclosures.
Injury as a result of floors, and flooring accounted for 11 of the cases.
If you’re talking about any injuries incurred from the ceiling or walls, there were 5 reported cases.
Sofas, davenports, armchairs and other seating devices accounted for 5 cases of sex injury. Gotta watch out for those old springs.
There were 4 cases of sex related injuries that amounted from stairs, excluding pull down or folding stairs. We imagine those stats would be too embarrassing to admit.
4 were due to razors and shavers. Not much detail given on that, nor do we really want to know.
There were also 4 cases that were attributed to coffee tables, and one of them also included drinking glasses.
There were also reports of paper products causing sex related injuries, but not including straws, paper bags or anything cardboard.
Just gonna leave this here.
Surprisingly enough, only one case in 6 years was due to a pen or pencil.
In case you’re wondering what delicate parts got the brunt of the wild and crazy sex, you’ve got lower trunk, you’re pubic region and finally, your head. Several cases reported involved the aforementioned headaches, several cracked and broken bones due to falling out of sex swings, and one gentleman fractured his penis by making PVC rings for himself. Don’t picture it.
You’d think that the high time for sex injuries would be right around Valentines day, but we’re actually not even close to the peak season of July.
The NEISS admits that only 0.2% of 2.3 Million reported cases were due to sex injuries, but that’s because the majority of them don’t get reported, due to embarrassment.
Of course whatever floats your boat sexually is up to you, but losing things… up there… really? Why?