TL:DR: Baby Oil is not as sexy as they make it in adult motion pictures….
My wife expressed the desire to get some baby oil, apply to each other and then have amazing, sensual, tantric sex for hours on end like they do in “those movies.” After talking some more about it, we decided that we’d need to put down plastic or a tarp to protect our floors and not make a mess.
Flash forward to the weekend. We have 2 bottles of baby oil (baby powder scented!) and a painters tarp. Lay down the tarp, get naked, start applying baby oil to each other, LOTS of baby oil. Proceed to apply BOTHbottles and realize that baby oil is slippery, NO I MEAN SERIOUSLY FUCKING SLIPPERY. We’re slipping and sliding all over the tarp, falling all over each other, trying to keep our bearings while commencing sexytime. It’s just not working out. We’re trying to do doggy and I just can’t keep a firm grip on her waist and my knees keep sliding back and forth. I thought about standing up, but I probably would have broken my neck.
At that point, we conceded and cut our losses. We started to clean up and realized that our tarp had a hole which allowed quite a bit of the oil to leak onto our hardwood floors. For about year after that, we had a 6×6′ very shiny spot on our living room floor.
We still laugh about it to this day. One plus is that our skin was soft as a baby’s butt for weeks after that. -socalnonsage