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  • MichaelAdamo

    I believe this kid goes to the University of the South (a.k.a Sewanee). Name is John, cool, yet preppy beyond belief

    • JewLover

      Cool story, bruh

    • J.D.

      He looks neither cool nor preppy.

    • the pirate

      he goes to csu chico in northern california
      and his name is dan

    • Red Rabbit

      Ryan Mutha F*ckin Mount.

  • Yessir

    Ha I have a few of these friends #19

  • etcrr

    #10 true story

    • http://twitter.com/McBeastie666 @McBeastie666

      is it that you want to be on the first page so you just post the first thing that comes to mind or are you just that fucking boring? or both?

      • King of Douche

        STFU scum

      • etcrr

        Neither, I don't think like you do, that would serve you well to remember. If I am near the top it is because I get lucky, something you are not capable of. So maybe you need to start reading some books and maybe learn something that you can contribute to society rather than run around chasing after me. Saying the same old crap day in and day out. Nothing worthy or interesting ever comes from you. So until you can claim that you actually contribute anything but criticism. You cannot afford to complain about me. Have yourself a fine day

        • Slutpants

          You try too hard. It just comes off as needy and pathetic. True story.

  • OrlFantasyC

    Oh it's your birthday, I'll be the DD
    Get's drunk and pass's out in 20 minutes

  • BOB

    i WOULD KICK THE SHIT OUT OF HIM!

    • Petey

      sweet

    • MylesofStyles

      Settle down Bob.

  • SweetAwesomeness

    #20

    Can i crash at your house tonight?

    crashes 94' Toyota Corrolla in your living room

    • Jack_LeMac

      #20

      Can't find car after the bar

      Pukes in a stranger's instead

    • Ned Plimpton

      Begs you to take him to Taco Bell at 2am…. Doesn't bring any money…. Says he'll get you back…. Forgets

  • http://twitter.com/LThissen @LThissen

    I get about a dozen of these guys at my work every Friday and Saturday night (we're open till 3 am).

    • Huell

      Wow, drunk people at a bar?? No way man!!!

  • Master_Rahl

    #6 I'm guilty of something similar… well, at least that's what I was told Can't remember a thing.

  • MacNCheesePro

    I think this is my brother, lol! In that case a few good ones would be:

    Gets mad you made a pizza without him…..drives home drunk because he doesn't need that shit.

    Sorry bro, I "Accidentally" ate all your food

    Let him stay with you as long as he doesn't come home drunk…..comes home drunk every night of the week and gets pissed when you say something about it.

    • Ned Plimpton

      You "think" it's your brother??

      • MacNCheesePro

        The descriptions sound like my brother. You people are dense….

        • Huell

          Maybe you should have worded differently??

          "This sounds like/reminds me of my brother, lol!"

          • MacNCheesePro

            I was going for extra sarcasm. I guess I confused the little brains out there, lol

            • J.D.

              "This guy sounds like my brother!" would have made perfect sense.
              "This guy is my brother" is in no way sarcasm. Its just stupid.

  • Gorgeous

    Has sex on ur bed …..with himself….

  • vindi

    True story… Starts grill, catches planted pines on fire, burns 2 acres and a grain bin.

  • Buford_Justice

    #20 He looks dangerously close to a fire pit

    • sam

      slow roasted. seen that a few times.

    • OpMongoose

      He kinda looks like a skinnyer Booger

    • JohntheBaptist

      not close enough……

  • metalcool36

    I'm guilty of waaay to many of these

  • GoForth

    Gets sauced and passes out at your place.

    Dog gets pregnant.

    • Chewy

      winner!

  • vindi

    Passes out in car with foot on the gas, blows motor.

  • Anonymous

    Give him money for alcohol, drinks it all before he g
    ets there

  • MDealio

    Pukes in the pocket on the back of your driver's seat door.
    Doesn't tell you.

  • Raliegh

    LOL'd so hard….

  • wizzy

    Says he's bringing hot girl to party, brings Paula

    • https://thechive.com/ Paula_

      Oy!!

      Hugs,
      Paula
      – still here asshole! I'll be watching you!

      • wizzy

        Oy! back at ya

    • Ned Plimpton

      Don't give Paula that much credit. We all know she can't leave her basement knowing she may not be one of the first to comment on a Chive post.

      Brings ugly girl to a party…. Passes out while friends run train.

  • Tom

    You guys are losing it. When did you start getting all your picks from reddit?

    ???????

    • Yessir

      This isn't from reddit, dipshit. None of these are.

    • GrayDog

      This was posted on The Chive an hour ago. The first post on reddit happened 46 minutes ago. Do some research before you criticize, Shitbag.

    • Sluttypanda

      And even if it was from Reddit…who gives a shit? If it's on the Internet, it's on 4000 other sites

  • scotology

    #14 This

  • Shawn

    Says he has to take a piss

    fills up trash can next to toilet

  • nitrox

    Borrrrriiiiiiiiiiiing

  • Vicwick

    PISSES HIMSELF

    ON YOUR COUCH

  • Aldo

    Occifer….
    i sweat to drunk I'm not God….

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