If you’ve ever had a boot put on your car, you know what a total pain in the ass it is. Granted, you deserved it for parking like a d*ck, but the cumbersome contraption is as much trouble for city parking attendants as it is for you.
Well the Barnacle solves one half of that equation—yeah, you’re still screwed. The new device is attached to your windshield via two suction cups that pucker at 750lbs of force each. You may have visions of motoring down the road with your head out the window, ala Ace Ventura, but Barnacle’s inventors assure us, that’s an incredibly difficult endeavor.
Perhaps more importantly, the device is not only more effective shutting your ride down, it’s lighter to carry around and much safer for parking enforcement to attach. Once put in place, motorists can call a 1-800 number listed on the device to pay fines and receive the code to remove the machine. Then you fold it up, throw it in the trunk and
find someone else who parked sh*tty take it back to Parking Enforcement.
Currently the $600 yellow book of shame, as I’m calling it, is in experimental use in Pennsylvania and Florida. It’s passed all tests with flying colors so far, but winters in the north could pose the biggest test yet. The creators aren’t sure how icy conditions will affect the suction.
According to officials in Fort Lauderdale, the Barnacle has been met with more puzzlement than frustration, as those morning walks of shame to the car have gotten even more brutal.
Consider this your warning, Chivers.