Everything Coming On Your Ex’s Netflix Account In May, Assuming They Didn’t Change The Password

You’ve never given Netflix a single dollar, and we both know it. And that’s okay, I understand. I’m also still using my ex-girlfriend‘s parents’ account, even though she broke up with me three years, two months, and six days ago as of today (not that anyone’s counting).

As long as your ex doesn’t change the account password, here’s what’s coming to your ex’s Netflix in May 2017.

Forrest Gump

Netflix is like a box of chocolates. In May, you’ll be getting one of the greatest movies of all time. Hopefully Jenny won’t remind you of how much you miss your ex, though.

Happy Feet

It’s tragic that your ex got cold feet and left you. But at least you still have their Netflix account, so you can watch this pleasant penguin pick-me-up.

Master of None (Season 2)

The only person I’ve ever loved more than Aziz Ansari is my ex. At least his award-winning comedy is coming back, unlike my first love…

Tracy Morgan: Staying Alive

Your love life has been a joke since your ex left you all alone. That’s not very funny. Tracy Morgan is funny though, so take your mind off the pain with his new stand-up special.

Inglourious Basterds

In this amazing World War II movie, Brad Pitt is as ruthless to Nazis as your ex was with your heart.

Marvel’s Doctor Strange

Let Doctor Strange be your hero, because the only person who ever really loved you has left you with nothing but access to their Netflix account.

House of Cards (Season 5)

Kevin Spacey returns yet again to try to keep his marriage, his career, and his country together. Hopefully he’s better at it than you are, considering how tragically your last relationship fell apart right in front of your eyes.

Check out the full list of what’s coming to Netflix in May 2017 below:

5/1/2017

  • American Experience: The Big Burn (2014)
  • American Experience: The Boys of ’36 (2017)
  • Anvil! The Story of Anvil (2008)
  • Blood on the Mountain (2016)
  • Chaahat (1996)
  • Chocolat (2000)
  • Decanted (2016)
  • Don’t Think Twice (2016)
  • Drifter (2017)
  • Forrest Gump (1994)
  • Happy Feet (2006)
  • In the Shadow of Iris — Netflix Original Film
  • Love (2015)
  • Losing Sight of Shore (2017)
  • Malibu’s Most Wanted (2003)
  • Nerdland (2016)
  • Raja Hindustani (1996)
  • Richard Pryor: Icon (2014)
  • Under Arrest: Season 5 (2016)

5/2/2017

  • Bodyguards: Secret Lives from the Watchtower (2016)
  • Hija De La Laguna (2015)
  • Maria Bamford: Old Baby — Netflix Original
  • Two Lovers and a Bear (2016)

5/5/2017

  • Chelsea: Season 2 (streaming every Friday) — Netflix Original
  • Handsome: A Netflix Mystery Movie — Netflix Original Film
  • Kazoops!: Season 3 — Netflix Original
  • Sense8: Season 2 — Netflix Original
  • Simplemente Manu NNa — Netflix Original
  • Spirit: Riding Free: Season 1 — Netflix Original
  • The Last Kingdom: Season 2 — Netflix Original
  • The Mars Generation — Netflix Original

5/6/2017

  • Cold War 2 (2016)
  • When the Bough Breaks (2017)

5/7/2017

  • LoveTrue (2016)
  • Stake Land II (2016)
  • The Host (2013)

5/8/2017

  • Beyond the Gates (2016)
  • Hunter Gatherer (2016)

5/9/2017

  • Norm Macdonald: Hitler’s Dog, Gossip & Trickery — Netflix Original
  • Queen of the South: Season 1 (2016)
  • All We Had (2016)

5/10/2017

  • El apóstata (2015)
  • The Adventure Club (2016)

5/11/2017

  • Switched at Birth: Season 5 (2017)
  • The Fosters: Season 4 (2016)

5/12/2017

  • All Hail King Julien: Exiled: Season 1 — Netflix Original
  • Anne with an E: Season 1 — Netflix Original
  • Get Me Roger Stone — Netflix Original
  • Master of None: Season 2 — Netflix Original
  • Mindhorn — Netflix Original Film
  • Sahara — Netflix Original Film

5/15/2017

  • Command and Control (2016)
  • Cave (2016)
  • Lovesong (2016)
  • Sherlock: Series 4 (2016)
  • The Intent (2016)

5/16/2017

  • Tracy Morgan: Staying Alive — Netflix Original
  • The Break-Up (2006)
  • The Place Beyond the Pines (2012)

5/18/2017

  • Royal Pains: Season 8 (2016)
  • Riverdale: Season 1 (2016)

5/19/2017

  • Blame — Netflix Original Film
  • Laerte-se — Netflix Original
  • The Keepers: Season 1 — Netflix Original
  • Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt: Season 3 — Netflix Original

5/21/2017

  • What’s With Wheat (2017)

5/22/2017

  • Inglourious Basterds (2009)
  • They Call Us Monsters (2017)

5/23/2017

  • Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King — Netflix Original
  • Dig Two Graves (2014)

5/24/2017

  • Southpaw (2015)

5/26/2017

  • Believe (2016)
  • Bloodline: Season 3 — Netflix Original
  • I am Jane Doe (2017)
  • Joshua: Teenager vs. Superpower — Netflix Original
  • War Machine — Netflix Original Film

5/28/2017

  • Bunk’d: Season 2 (2016)

5/29/2017

  • Forever Pure (2016)
  • A New High (2015)

5/30/2017

  • F is for Family: Season 2 — Netflix Original
  • House of Cards: Season 5 — Netflix Original
  • Doctor Strange (2016)
  • Masterminds
  • Sarah Silverman A Speck of Dust — Netflix Original

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