What happened to a plain old cup of coffee? Maybe a pour of cream. That’s it. That’s all you need to start your day. It’s simple. It’s delicious. It makes your heart beat fast and it makes you shit. How is that not good enough for you people??
Classic bean juice is never ordered anymore. Now we’ve got people ordering one pump of every sweetener. Splash of almond milk, walnut milk, goat milk, cockroach milk, and whatever else has tits that I didn’t know about. No lactose. Extra cream. Extra whipped cream. Extra ice. Add two eggs. Scoop of protein. Dash of orphan’s blood. Double blended. Triple blended. Kissed. Caressed. Taken out back and fingered behind the dumpster. Taken to dinner at a nice steakhouse. Proposed to. Taken down the aisle. Disappointed. Let down for the last time. Divorced. Depressed. Hopped back on the horse. Determined to find love somewhere, anywhere. Realized that love was within themselves all along….. also lemme get one of those little cherries on top thank you.
I just feel bad for the baristas.