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Much happier now

“Making decisions based on what I really want, not on what I think others want or expect of me.

It was always so easy to put others’ needs first, because it meant that I never had to take the trouble to figure out what I really wanted, or to negotiate with others to get it. Just go along with everyone else, that’s easy and makes you likeable. But it doesn’t make you happy, because it means your needs are often not being met.

The real turning point for me was the realisation that wanting something does not instantly equate to a decision to go out and get it. Verbalising a desire is not tantamount to forcing your will on others. For example, if someone asks you what you wanna eat, instead of saying “oh whatever you want, I don’t mind”, there’s nothing wrong with stating your preference, saying that you’re open to other ideas and entering into a negotiation to find some common ground. People actually appreciate you being clear about what you want, it makes things easier for everyone.

For bigger stuff: once you realise you want something, sit with it for a bit. Then ask yourself: how moral do I think my desire is? Can I proceed without damaging my integrity? What are the practical/other ramifications for myself and others? Can you live with whatever decision you make? If you are missing vital information from others, ask them for it to help you decide.

Most importantly, don’t waste time wondering about whether you’re allowed to want something. You do already, so that’s that. Just acknowledge the desire, then set about deciding whether you‘re going to go out and get it. That way, even if you decide not to, you’ll know what the desire is and why you’re not fulfilling it, rather than shutting it down automatically at the source.

I’m so much happier now!!”

(h/t)

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